ducky.monkie

mother fuckers.

2011-10-15T16:40:00.002+08:00

我心理不平衡，也是你害的！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

你们这群坏蛋！！！！！！！！！！！
虚伪！！！！
伪君子！！！！！！

呸！！！

-151011-1644

our baby in the future?

2011-09-27T12:05:00.005+08:00

i never had this feeling before, never ever so strongly.
when i looked at baby photos in the past, i only found them cute and adorable that's all.
but today it brought me to a whole new level of realization that if we look at the bigger picture,
we could see the meaning of life.
yes, that's what i saw.
procreation is wonderful.
looking at the young life you've created, it is so precious and dear.

they asked me who the baby resembles in the photo, dad or mum?
i think probably more like the mum, i guess.

and as i stared at the picture a little longer, i wandered into my thinking space,
how will a baby of mine and notti's looks like?
sort of ridiculous, but i really want to know.
imagine both of our facial features, our genes........................................................
seriously,
how will our baby look like?
either way it is, he/she will definitely be handsome or pretty.
hahhhahaaha..coz of the inheritance of our good looks :p

the thing is we are not even together, but why on earth am i thinking of something beyond reality?
i once told my friend before that if one day we are man and wife, i'm sure i'll be the most fortunate woman in the world for that's what i feel.
yeah, even if it means that i have nothing but only him, i'm contented.

-270911-1230

寂寞

2011-09-26T00:06:00.002+08:00

寂寞，

就是当我把我要说的话打在电脑荧光屏上，
然后却得一字一字慢慢删除。

寄不出的问语，
传达不出的心意，

它，是一种空虚的感觉。

-260911-0020

謝佳見 - 謝謝寂寞

2011-09-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

-260911-0008

finally u heard me, but they are all nothing but hatred-filled.

2011-09-04T23:36:00.003+08:00

suppression is the highest level of tolerance it can go.
til the day when this endurance (which i've been trying so hard) ceased, you bet i'd either breakdown or erupt like a volcano.
i'm suppressing my emotions to the best i could but whenever someone throws the same question at me, it seems to expose my hatred which i'm trying to hide.
i don't want it to re-surface lest being called a petty person, by others.
and i also don't wish to face this all over again.

it's been a month.
a month of recuperation, supposedly, or maybe it's called a month of break.
well you guys might think i'm certainly having a good time slacking at home without even attempting to look for a new job.
but do you know that a month of recovery is not adequate?
i must have over-estimated my healing ability, thinking that i could get over those stuff easily.
who knows? i'm suppressing and so it's still somewhere there in me, at that little corner.
but those irksome same old questions bug me to feel its existence, forcibly, though i very much wanted to avoid it.

others may rebut that it's just a common reality lifestyle problem that not just me, but anyone else could have faced it in some part of their lives, so it's nothing big.
yes..somehow that's true but do you know that because of this, it has mutated into a certain form of phobia and fear?
this terrible incident left a BIG scar in my life and it matches to what adrian has said before though i didn't quite agree to it back then.
now that i think back, i gotta admit he's goddamn right.
it scarred me. :(

the real me is not so forgiving.
yea.
i'm turning to the devil.

i used to think that it should not matter to me that much.
but here, i'm going to say:
I HATE U!
I HATE U OF MAKING USE OF ME AND KICK ME ASIDE WHEN U DONT NEED ME!
I HATE HYPOCRITES!
I HATE THE FEELING OF BEING AN EXTRA!
FU*K YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it makes me HATE the world now.
hate the world for under-estimating my potential.
i'm not supposed to feel inferior
'cause i'll rise again.
and obviously those people who asked me that question, don't know me at all.

-050911-0008

:(

2011-09-01T23:44:00.003+08:00

这世上又不是只有你一个男人，但怎么我的心就从此盲目了？
或许我玩不起，可是我对你的感觉是真的，
为你掉的眼泪也是如此。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

-010911-2350

sunday morning express

2011-08-21T07:48:00.004+08:00

对于一个夜猫来说，叫她一早起来真的是强人所难，也是几乎根本不会发生的事。
不过就连自己都感到惊讶的是，我今早在7am就已经起个大清早了。
嘻嘻。。。。。。
通常在这个时候的我都还在睡梦里呢。。
奇怪，不知道为什么，我现在可觉得无比清醒，精神充沛！

黎明的景色迷人，令我在陶醉美景其中也启发了一些感想。
以前当我在就读中学的时候，也会在这种时间醒来。
可是当时的我根本没去发觉天空的颜色竟有多美。
我想，这有可能是心态的问题吧。。。
以前的我其实很讨厌上学，所以对任何人，事，物都抱着埋怨。
更何况是抬头望着天空欣赏它的美，哈哈哈。。别想了！
可是现在当我偶尔做一些平时少做的事，我才突发奇想，渐渐用心去体会一切事物。

当我望出窗外的时候，天空是紫蓝色的。
小鸟归于天空的怀抱，以音乐般的叫声开始为星期天的早晨打头阵。
奇怪呢。。我以为大家不像我一样，一定还在床上发美梦。
不过，马路上的确出现了几个人影。
女佣赶着为主人一家大小买早餐。。。
几个aunty成群结队穿着绿色上衣和运动鞋，应该是去晨运。。。
两个男人在亭子里，好像在等人。。。
巴士里有些许的乘客，也不知道他们一大清早要去哪里。。。

ok 。。深呼吸。。。。
哇。。。。空气好新鲜哦！！！！！！
感觉空气是零污染的。。。令我整个人心旷神怡！
嗯。。星期天就要开始了。
大家准备好了吗？

-210811-0837

1 month break..where should i go?

2011-08-01T22:14:00.002+08:00

thought you would seize the chance to meet me in jb, just like how i seize every possible opportunity to see you.
but still, you replied me in a nice way even though it was an obvious rejection.
i know that i shouldn't harbour too much hope that you will accede to my request, but subconsciously i am always praying for miracle.
'cause i believe in that slim chance of success only if im proactive.

tell me, am i wrong?

i thought with this 1 month of break, i can buy an air ticket to kl (alone) and meet you there.
i thought of going over to your workshop and get a haircut by you.
well, it failed.
then i thought of meeting you instead at jb.
again, it failed.

both plans failed TERRIBLY....:(
and MISERABLY...:(

how come you dont get that kind of feeling of wanting to meet me desperately?
do you know i always do?

-010811-2240

accurate tarot reading!

2011-07-12T13:00:00.003+08:00

"...and you may be thinking of taking a trip abroad to visit someone who means alot to you."

daily tarot reading has never been more accurate than today's! it was just a fleeting thought in the day but it surprised me when i checked the app, it felt like it has captured all my thoughts.
fucking accurate!

im going to KL! all alone, so hopefully notti can give me accommodation.

-120711-1313

notti was here on 24/6/11

2011-06-25T23:39:00.002+08:00

notti was here yesterday on 24/6/11.
met him around 5pm at mandarin oriental hotel where he was staying.
he's only here for a 3 day trip, primarily for ocean butterfly's 25th anniversary concert, and lastly because of me?
haha this i really dont know, though that was how he put it.
i called that killing two birds with one stone yea?

we hanged out in the room until 8+pm when we finally set out for dinner.
he wanted to try out our local food but we all knew that on a friday evening especially, when other people are just like us scouting for food, we gonna expect all eateries and restaurants to be fully packed.
yes spot on, so the makan sutra place was out of question since we could see the crowd filling in from afar.
and so the next choice was marina square.
the similar hateful feeling of not being able to get served as soon as we entered the restaurant was happening to everywhere we set foot on.
crap!
our dear notti was feeling hungry i guess............but surprisingly i still felt quite full.
haha maybe notti is already becoming my staple food..?

in the end, we settled at this japanese steamboat/buffet place where it didnt require us to wait at all.
i was initially on second thought about this place because eating a buffet when im not hungry was abit impractical, but since filling notti's tummy is an emergency, we just went in.
we both thought that the food and variety there was just so-so and that we could better spend this amount of money at somewhere else.....
but i would say that their ice-cream making was really one of a kind and it was definitely our first experience at freezing and mixing different unique ice-cream flavours.
he mixed choc+rum which tasted not too badly while the experiment went wrong on my side with kiwi+rum together because the end result was just some weird almond taste.
yucks....!! hahahaha.

we went back to the hotel room again after dinner.
just lazed around randomly switching tv channels and we finally found anaconda!
it was a mixed feeling, guess he felt it too.
the feeling of not knowing whether or not to follow fate was burning our hearts like monkey's business.
i feared the coins show up the side which i didnt take and how many times could i actually accuse of unfair play when we had already decided to leave the decision to fate.
i kept on denying because i didnt want to accept the truth and he knew it.
he kept giving in to me and tossed the coins over and over again, so i guess he was just feeling as mixed up as me.

the final decision was made.
he chose to send me downstairs.
i chose to go home.
as i board the cab, i couldnt help looking back until he was out of my sight.
good nite notti.
is this goodbye as well?
was it too abrupt?

i started counting down to this date 20 days ago and as each day passed, nothing could describe the joy and glee i felt deep inside my heart.
it was afterall 1 year and 9 mths since we last met.
i dont know......
i dont know how come there is this weird feeling inside me since yesterday........
这种感觉就像是“在晚上让你喉咙痒痒想咳嗽的感觉”。
hope to meet him for breakfast tomorrow as it could mean seeing him for the last time before he leaves.

-260611-0047

notti, you are still the best!

2011-06-01T23:59:00.003+08:00

it doesnt matter if you dont look the same anymore.
it doesnt matter if your tummy is getting bigger.
it doesnt matter if you look older.
it doesnt matter if you put on weight.

what i wanna say is that, or rather what my heart wanna say is that,
it does not matter how you look even if you start to have signs of aging,
'cause you are not the only one who age, me too.
sylvia does not love just your looks, she loves everything about you.
in her heart, you mean the world to her.

as long as this kind of 'relationship' is maintained,
im very contented,
even though i wish to be greedy too,
to wish for a dream come true.

-020611-0008

offline msg

2011-03-10T00:08:00.002+08:00

to be honest, i didnt expect him to reply my offline msg (that fast).
i was really frustrated last night as i was typing the message and i was practically ranting and blasting to whoever hears my cries.
and i received his offline msg just now!

a short row of 3 words touched me deeply.
finally someone heard me and gave me a sense of comfort that he cared.
thank god!
notti can i hug u?

-100311-0025

me on skateboard

2011-03-08T23:08:00.002+08:00

my throat contains lotsa unspoken words and perhaps they were all contained in my mouth too but down they travelled back to my gut again.
:(
at this juncture, i know i dont have the freedom to speak nor i have the right to.
:(
i wanna whine but a grown-up like me cant.
:(
i just felt myself like being PLACED onto the skateboard and have to painstakingly row it to move with my hands.
and did anyone ask me whether i know how to skate in the first place or whether im afraid?
no i dont think so.
I WAS BEING PLACED ONTO IT MY DEAR!

-080311-2328

jb cancelled

2011-02-25T22:45:00.003+08:00

有一股冲动让我想立刻回复他，但望着键盘时却不知所措。
那只是一个简单的问候，而我却恍神了一下。
他的慰问总让我感到很窝心，很温暖。
难道他是真的关心我？
怎么人类的情绪控制是如此复杂的？
为何在黑白之间必须残留灰色地带？
elaine说他是对我有感觉的，而其实我早也怀疑了，只是在一切谜团未解时，我也不敢确定它是真实或幻想的。

我有点失望他这次临时取消和我在jb的会面。。。。。。。。
可是what to do?
我得尊重和体恤他的职业:)
下次再见吧！

-250211-2305

criticism

2011-02-20T22:17:00.002+08:00

when i was in the cab just now, i thought i can accept criticisms gracefully.
however later, i realised that it was not quite the same as my assumption and this thing somehow irks me a little.

i know that sometimes criticisms are good, especially when the other party meant you well.
well, i believe that my friends' intentions are positive and that i should take them into consideration.
haiz...........................................do i look the oldest among them? OLDEST??????????????????
what a big discrepancy from perception to reality!
shit big time!

and who is that TLH?
son?
what son?
she must be kidding man..................
who is she?

-200211-2237

happy 36th notti!!!!

2011-02-13T23:34:00.004+08:00

to the love saint and the dearest to my heart: notti

happy birthday to you!

hope ya receive my prezzie on time......

是我的心太小，还是他占有的位子太大？

怎么它总是容纳不下别人？

-140210-0000

kok how and xinyi..so loving~

2011-02-08T11:05:00.002+08:00

每个人都很幸福，在幸福，我呢？

where's my half apple?

im so touched to see kok how's and xinyi's loving pics.

feel so happy for "sista".

and to andrew and joanne as well, all the best to them:)

-080211-1119

难道你不想理我了吗？

2011-02-06T23:28:00.002+08:00

这种爱。。。我只能放在心里，不是吗？
有时候单方面的付出令我感觉很疲累，就像是做了一整天的工似的。
他都没回应我的简讯，他到底在忙些什么？
虽然我不想让他觉得我在死缠着他，但偶尔的温馨简讯来慰问他最近的状况也不算太过分吧？
可是最近他连这些简讯都不理了。。。。。
好残忍。。。。。。。。。。。
我好累喔。。。一丝丝倦意不只写在脸上，也刻在心里。。。
我的毅力呢？
最近一连串的事情把脑袋给搞大了，我总是希望身旁突然出现一个可以依靠的肩膀，或一个可以拥抱的人。
所以啊。。。。我才会不自觉地给他传个简讯。
没想到却造成另一个我不想面对的问题。

-060211-2351

感慨

2011-01-27T23:29:00.003+08:00

苦尽甘来的成果是最甜的，然后你就得好好珍惜这个丰收。
很多时候我在想，为什么有些人的命运就是那么好，而有些的就是那么烂。
如果坚持和执着会带来我想要的结果，我无话不说一定会这么做。
如果苦尽就会甘来，我会耐心地等待。
就算眼前的孤独和思念有多残酷，我也只能默默忍受着。

elaine今天问我，如果有一天我等notti直到我27-28岁后来才发现他结婚了，我会怎么做？
我说我不知道。
我真的不知道我会有什么反应。
想不想的开也只能看当时的想法，情绪。

-270110-2345

everytime i see ur pic i wanna cry.

2011-01-25T18:51:00.004+08:00

he said that the shoot is postponed to may.
may is approx 3 mths away from now.
what if till then he said that it is postponed/cancelled again?

i really miss him.
work has been busy but i still cant get him off my mind.
i think i can, only if i lost my memory.

his bday is coming soon..what to get him this year????????????
too bad there's no such thing as posting food items overseas.
:( *headache*

-250111-1902

law

2011-01-21T23:45:00.002+08:00

some professions are really scary.
sorry, i dont mean to arrow anyone but it's coming from my heart that people who studied and practising law now, in particular, are not the ones to be trifled with.
they know the law (obviously), so u had better stick to the rules of the game, if not u can be entangled with whichever crime they state.
in conclusion, be a good citizen and u will be safe.
well...could there really be such a person who makes use of their knowledge of the law to get away with their unreasonable manners?
idk.
hmmmmm..i just find that these people are dangerous.

-220111-0001

do i need a massage? HELL YES!

2011-01-20T23:40:00.003+08:00

i was so surprised that shay noticed my lethargy today.
perhaps it's nothing hideous, everything's openly written on my face.
well, im very tired, period.

see if you can beat me by handling 3 contact lens first timers in a day with the early bird first coming in as early as 11.15am while the shop had just barely opened for 1/2 hr.
thank goodness! i've not even touched my bread.
FML.
and this bugger took me 1.5 hr to complete just a session.
you know, i gotta drill him over and over again to make sure he's capable of handling the lens all by himself, INDEPENDENTLY.
heard that he's a 7-pointer in school but i say, he definitely has no flair in contact lenses.

anyway.............................i've had enough with these kids. almost vomitted blood!

shay asked me: "sylvia, do you need a massage? neck or shoulder massage?"
for no reason, my heart melted.
it's not towards the person, but more to the words he said.
i almost replied: "yes notti, i need one" (with a tight hug)
*crying*
notti, i need you.

-210111-0008

fml

2011-01-14T23:46:00.004+08:00

im listening to class95 love songs with Yas now.
she is sharing someone's love story.
SHOUT: LOVE STORY? WHAT LOVE STORY????!
I DONT HAVE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

-140111-2356

2010 xmas

2010-12-28T22:31:00.003+08:00

我最近在想，也许不是你配不上我，而是我配不上你。
可能我就是配不上任何人，尽管别人有多平凡。

今年的圣诞节，我和几位同事一块儿度过。
也不是去参加什么大派对，我们只是一起去了乌节路的一家日式餐厅共进晚餐。
我点了oyakodon，但我总觉得这比不上我在学校吃过的。。。
可能是我的嘴巴太刁了吧。。。因为其他人都说他们的食物不错。
尽管如此，我还是吃得很开心，因为终于在今年，也在这么特别的一天尝试了新东西。
Sake!!!!!!!!!!!! 烧酒。
它的味道很像wine，可是还好没有那种我讨厌的涩味，所以很容易入口。
如果有机会的话，真想多喝几杯嘞！
当晚我好像还喝不够，我还清醒得很。
为什么？为什么不让我痛快地醉一场？？？？？

我讨厌乌节路，尤其是那条我们当晚走过的路，因为我和他也曾经走过那里。
同样都是在圣诞期间，可是我就是少了你，少了让我扣住和牵住手的人。
merry christmas. how are you?

-281210-2301

if today is your last day on earth, what will you do?

2010-12-15T13:26:00.003+08:00

i can stay nonchalant to all and other stuff,
but i just could not stop wanting to know every single bit about you.
coz all i hope is to merely take a step closer to you even though we are living in 2 different countries.
i love to see your update coz it makes me feel like im living in your world.
it's ok if you dont reply.
i knew it all these while and im already used to it,
but i dont mind leaping forward to start a conversation.
it's alright, it's ok.

i just hate myself for being so hopeless.

3 days ago, a guy staying at the opposite block just died suddenly, probably due to a cardiac arrest for that was what i heard from other neighbours.
though cliche, life is indeed fragile and unpredictable.
we are so vulnerable to changes, especially to sudden and silent ones and our lives are therefore sealed by death.
isnt it scary?
i always see this guy cooking in the kitchen whenever i looked out from my window and i could not believe that the deceased is him!
i repeatedly asked my parents whether they made a mistake coz i refused to accept the shocking truth.
in my heart im asking "is him? he died just like that?"

lemme ask you.
if you can forsee that today is going to be your last day on earth, what will you do?
and if you can't forsee the future, aren't you going to do something from this moment onwards?

for me, i have many things to do and many things to say especially to notti :(

-151210-1355

who is she?

2010-12-13T17:11:00.001+08:00

who is samantha????????

a friend or more than friend?

-131210-1717

empty

2010-12-11T23:03:00.002+08:00

有时候，寂寞是件很可怕的事。
刚刚在回家的路途中，当车子穿梭一道道繁忙的马路时，我的心顿时泛起一股莫名的空虚。
也许寂寞太久，坐在左手边的心灵也想要有一点关爱与呵护。
可是只有耳机里的音乐陪伴着我。
这城市突然感觉很陌生，很陌生。。。
而一切的人，事，物都仿佛掩盖我内心的呐喊。
到底谁能听到我呢？
我只需要人陪，就算是一个晚上也行。
我只需要有人轻轻地抚摸我的头发，安抚我的畏惧。
我只需要一个拥抱，驱走讨厌的寂寞。
我只需要一个人，
那个人就是notti.

两年不算太长，但也不短。
我会继续等你。。。。。。。。。。。。。

-111210-2337

notti and rynn not coming anymore:(

2010-11-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

i was crying infront of my lappie last night when i read his facebook message, telling me that rynn is not coming to sg in december anymore.
my heart instantly dropped coz i know notti is not coming either.
rynn is my idol but the greatest disappointment lies in notti.
that means i had not seen him for the whole of 2010!!!!
i miss him like mad.
memories in 2009 are as fresh as yesterday's but i wish he can be physically here.
coz....
i wanna give him a real tight hug........................

-201110-2347

numbed by numbness

2010-11-16T23:16:00.000+08:00

tonight i wanna cry.
dont ask me why, thanks.

-161110-2317

family portrait

2010-11-12T00:24:00.002+08:00

my conclusion is: there are so many handsome-looking guys out there, but what makes me love notti so much and no one else?

i dont know.

maybe it's fate that our paths met, but to how our future is gonna be like, i have no idea.

pssssst psst psssst psssssssssssssst......

anyway, just when i was in facebook, i accidentally stumbled upon some pics which notti took with a little girl called abby.
so cute and so natural.
seeing the pics somehow warms my heart, especially when he's like 'playing' with the girl.
sweet.
if he's married earlier, it could be father and daughter.
awwwww......................................
just that kind of warm family scene/portrait that gives me this wriggly touched feeling ya?
i mean...he really looks like a kind daddy.

-121110-0042

1728495050337

2010-11-04T23:26:00.002+08:00

it is the same everywhere in singapore, in the world, and in the universe.
lamented on it with a silent sigh.
my mouth is shut with a million roaring words.
yes, i mean those that only my soul hears.

-041110-2336

ugly makeover

2010-11-01T21:13:00.003+08:00

失败！失败！very 失败！！！！！！！！！！！
shit lah.

first was the makeup.
actually i was expecting something more to be done.
just felt that today's makeup was really not up to standard, lest talking about it being one of the services in a bridal boutique where brides and ladies have to depend on it so much.
or could it be that im too perfectionist?
or because notti is a makeup artiste so i assume all makeup artistes should be like him, if not at least inherit 80% of his standard.
the eyeshadow could be a lil more smoky while the eyeliner below SHOULD NOT look as if the makeup has smudged!
there is a difference okay?!
blusher could have been thicker. *hello, im not having nude makeup!*
arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey, are you really a makeup artiste?

and.....

photographer sucks as well.
i appreciate him for moving the fan over to create the flowing-hair look.
but to my horror, stupid him did not realise that the wind blew my doll fringe away, leaving my high forehead exposed.
that is so damn ugly!
it is exactly because of this reason that i decided to don a doll fringe, yet he............
there are other ways to creating the flowing-hair look than to let the damn fan blew at me straight!
if dont know, can ask me mah.
i can take nicer zi-pai than him lo.
no wonder i rejected 9 out of 10 photos in that particular backdrop.
they made me so dejected after looking through the photos in the comp.
kaoz.
i still feel that i look more pretty in my own pics.
FAILURE.

i cant mention the name of the boutique.
hint is, it is located somewhere in singapore selling nice laksa.
sianz to the max!

what's the point of having a makeover which makes you feel that you dont look pretty in the pics?
fking uglified.
BOO.

it is really not my day today.
damn suay.
my contacts broke, makeover was a goner, and lastly i left my sandals there.
shit.
i can only collect them 1 mth later.
PUI!
thought i can live a celebrity's life today but all went absolutely WRONG!

-011110-2137

maximizer bra

2010-10-30T23:03:00.003+08:00

certainly did not regret buying the things i bought today at the BHG posb/dbs special sale!
i bought 'body spectacles'...errrr..do you get it? hehe.

bought a t-shirt bra and the latest maximizer set in PURPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love the way how the trendiest aqua pads did the extra push-up effect.
i mean, it makes wonders by increasing 1 boob size!!!!!!
so if you are an 'A', you look like a 'B' now.
amazing isnt it?
this is so gonna be a girl's best friend next to diamond, unless you already had your breast enlargement surgey done.
haiz..but having said that, it is not cheap at all.
should i call myself lucky to have it picked up at a discounted offer?
heheheheheehe.........
cant wait to wear it in dec.
woooHooooo~~~~~

vainpot

2010-10-26T17:48:00.001+08:00

*dr wong, can i do a breast enhancement surgery?*
>.<

-261010-1755

tedd and ellice's wedding

2010-10-24T00:32:00.003+08:00

just came back from tedd and ellice's wedding at park royal hotel.
what a compatible pair of couple they are!!!!
really gave my heartfelt blessings to them to a happy marriage.

tonight i drank more beer than ate the food.
tell ya, beer is becoming more and more like my staple food, or rather my regular fluid.
hehe.
i was getting so bored towards the end that i decided to ring rena up.
this is me.
i seriously dont like to PR nor talking to strangers.
i only talk to close friends, that's all.
victor talked to woody while cherry, iryn, michael and shunbiao (dont know who) were chatting.
i couldnt cared much than the beer that was sitting right in front of me, and my iphone as well.
hees.
sianz.
no wonder, i dont like social gatherings.
coz im not a socialite!!!!
hehehehehehe

even if it is a bogus marriage,
i wish my groom will still be the one i love.

-241010-0045

deep passion

2010-10-16T23:31:00.004+08:00

...continue from the previous post.
i had one more stuff to blog about.
if not because i chatted online with notti till 2.30am, i would have completed blogging.
i saw a guy who wore a winter hat walking past my shop yesterday.
at first glance, i suddenly thought of notti and goddamn it, my heart was racing extremely fast.
so its proven that notti has never failed to make me 小鹿乱撞.
really never fail to.(without a doubt)

i was so elated to see him online last night.
he must have seen his offline message that i sent to him previously and i was so happy that things turned up perfectly well like how we used to chat in the past, without any barriers, without any restrictions.
however, last night's topic was definitely much simore open than before but please hit me hard ok?
i was so surprised that he still remembered those times we spent together, and we had a great time recollecting those memories last night.

i guess our relationship now is abit complicated; the in-between between friends and lovers.
i dont mind maintaining such 暧昧关系 as long as both of us are happy.
we missed each other but just that we are not together.(yes, he missed me too...whee~~~)
do you understand this kind of sweet intimacy that is beyond what words can simply describe?

-171010-0001

2 drunkards

2010-10-15T23:41:00.003+08:00

sibei suay...
met 2 drunkards tonight.
first was an indian man in his 50s who boarded at tg pagar bus stop and he was staggering from where he tapped his ez-link card to his seat infront of me.
i pitied the chinese uncle who sat with him near the window.
everyone was looking dubiously at that indian uncle who was behaving restlessly at his seat.
me too, i could not get my eyes off him.
i was sitting near the window as well but i kinda worry for the lady who sat beside me because the man's hand might just hit on her leg if he swings a little backwards unintentionally.
haha. u should see how the lady sat uprightly alert for any moves from that man.
hahahaha.
well, i mean who doesnt?

ok, and so i alighted at the respective bus stop..
just a couple of steps to reach my block when i saw another chinese uncle.
guess what he was doing in the dark?
PEE-ING!!!!
PEE-ING ALONG THE WAY AS HE WALKED!!!!!!!!!!
pervertic right???!!!!!!
the way how he adjusted his pants (just to put in nicer english), was gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!
can't imagine how the cleaners are supposed to clean up the trail of urine.

-161010-0121

efforts all gone down the drain

2010-10-08T15:48:00.004+08:00

im at home on a boring friday.

sadly lazing around at home because my initial plan for the day fell through.

i've had thoughts on what i am going to do today, where to go and who to meet since yesterday and i was so excited just by thinking of it.

but having said that, if it were to come true, somethings's gonna fall out from my pocket which is $$$.

well, im all prepared for this to happen and i willingly accept the fact that a tenth of my salary will be used just for a day, for a purpose.

so now you know, money is not really a barrier though sometimes over-spending does pinch my heart, there are other resisting forces somehow that pulled me back from what i intend to do.

it's good in a sense that it helps to prevent me from acting in impulse but the thing i do not like about it is that none of my dreams is fulfilled.

it is like "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (pulling my hair in a frenzy)

you know what, all it takes was just one last deciding factor to finalise everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and when you realise that your plan could not make it just because of this one lousy stuff that wasted all your efforts in your prep work, don't you want to just poundy our heart many many times?

oh man, i hate it!

just one last move to checkmate and then you wont see me here blogging now; 'cause i will be happily enjoying my off-day.

f lah.

anyway, although i keep mentioning that im bored, i will not entertain other people's request for a date either.

to me, the perfectionist, time and person are both equally essential.

a date will not be enjoyable if one of these components is lacking.

time is okay now, but the person factor is not there, so ya..................

i might as well stay at home with my lovely roomie-lappie.

.......and out of boredom, i managed to squeeze some of my abundant free time to check out my customer's blog.

she is a renowned blogger, vocalist and entertainer- Mint Leong and below was what i captured from her blog mentioning about her 1st visit to Frames & Lenses.

check this out!

-081010-1630

swollen eyes

2010-10-03T23:40:00.002+08:00

suffered from lid edema (a.k.a swollen eyes) the whole day for crying too hard last night while watching 谈情说案 ep18.
professor king was forced to break up with 犀利妹as a result of his family's objection due to the status difference between both sides.
poor 犀利妹,she cried so hard at the jetty.
haiz.
i cried too...................
who would not have cried along with that heart-wrenching scene, unless one's heart is made of steel.
especially when she repeatedly shouted "我不要你走", it was exactly what is happening in my life.
although until now these words are still secretly kept in my heart, i would wish to say it to him.
please dont go.
bring me along, if you have to.
i can give up everything here.

-031010-2359

2010-09-24T16:17:00.002+08:00

if you see or think that sylvia has changed (abit), well, this may be true.
it has definitely got nothin' to do with me turning 21, or rather these subtle changes came at this period in time.
my daddy had told me before, that a chatty and cranky me is then the real me 'cause that's who i am at home.
however, if i suddenly turned quiet, it is either that im unwell or im in a bad mood.
for this statement, i gotta admit that family still knows me best..........

i realised that i've become more reserved ever since i returned to work after quitting school.
it's not that i dont want to connect to the customers, but somehow, i mean somehow, the connection is lost, the vibe is not there.
you know what?
even if others do not notice this change in me, i still mind about it.
i know im not like this.
though i am not known to be the epitome of a good PR person, i still possess a certain level of it.
im just frustrated that this 'fire' is not unleashed recently.
just like the old couple i met the other day, i used to communicate well with the elderly normally.
yea...'used to'...
but that day i actually lost my form and stumbled along.
this incident bothered me quite alot, to be honest.
i felt something when i first served them.
i felt that the old man looked stern and unapproachable and perhaps because of this, i sorta held back my words and actions.
i seriously do not understand why i care so much about how others appear to me........

i feel bad because instead of marching forward, which is what i ought to do now since i returned to work, im falling back.
what a disappointment.
something is really wrong with my heart.
now that i know where my problem lies, i do not know the cure.
i keep on wearing smiles, to appear friendly and approachable.
is this going to work?
they look fake since no one is convinced.

ok i guess i can describe my feelings more appropriately now that i thought of words to describe it.
"a sense of failure"
'cause nothing has been going right, not going the way i want it to be and indeed, i feel lousy.

above all, you know...
i tried out what gary has told me; do self-reflection.
it helps!
today i am happier :)

the thing about me is that i cannot pretend that something did not happen once it did, and shove it to the back of my brain.

ok moving on...(im combining 2 posts into 1)
i was so happy to receive my bday pressie from mr j!!!!!!!!
though it was nothing more than a cup of koi, it placed a high value in my heart.
really appreciated it.
i was touched by the happy birthday that he said twice.
this dude is worth to befriend! :)
had i known that he's coming last night, i would have dressed up nicer yesterday.
haha.
i am not a princess.
i do not just love expensive gifts.
even the most commonest thing can weigh as much as an exotic stuff to me.
i do not go for material wealth.
i only go for true sincerity :)

-240910-1706

Adele - Make You Feel My Love

2010-09-21T00:05:00.002+08:00

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But i would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
No there's nothing that i wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy make your dreams come true
Nothing that i wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

-210910-0012

no more wish

2010-09-20T15:21:00.002+08:00

people say 期望越高，失望就越大。
我现在都不敢期望什么了，就连许个生日愿望，我只求大家健康快乐。。。

-200910-1528

prayers

2010-09-14T01:22:00.002+08:00

this little girl is praying.

me too.

im praying to god that my granny can recover, or at least back to her usual normal state.

to be honest, the news about her having cancer came devastating to me.

i thought it was just a case of pneumonia which could be treated with medication but who would have thought that it spelt something more than that? hopefully the biopsy diagnoses benign state, then at least it sends us some relief.

it must have been tough on my grandma these few days. looking at how she struggles with the slightest movement on the hospital bed saddens me. i just hope that she comes home soon. home is still the sweetest haven after all.

-140910-0136

notti and his last bday wishes

2010-09-12T01:04:00.002+08:00

for a few minutes, i was crying non-stop.
could not stop the tears from flowing......................
my nostrils, my eyes..were like taps that run water.
haha.
all thanks to notti.

i was counting down to midnight, hoping that before the clock strikes 12 notti can wish me a happy birthday.
at 11.58pm, i received his message.
yes, again...notti, u were always the last one.
it was his message that triggered those tears.
nothing could explain how touched i was at that moment to set those tears of joy free :)

hey, actually what is the logic behind with being the last person to wish another a happy birthday?
what's the significance?
just be notti, i guess.

but this year jason beat notti in sending the last wishes.
lol.
what's the competition here about huh?
fighting for the last place?
hahahahahaha.

nevertheless, notti.....im still in love with you, deeply.

-120910-0125

happy 21st bday to me!

2010-09-11T00:25:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

i just dedicated a song to myself.
a light-hearted song for a joyous occasion, i couldn't love it more!
catch rynn's basanova version of 靠岸 in his unplugged live tour posted on my facebook wall.
enjoy...!

i have a birthday wish.
just minutes ago, i was typing in an empty conversation box with notti.
he was obviously offline, duh.
yet i was penning down my birthday wish there.
lol.
my all-time wish is still there, in my heart.
unless i've found someone new, the wish will always be made for him.

this year, i have one more wish.
i hope that my ah ma will be well and sound....right now, i just hope that she will recover soon and come back home.
i wanna watch "ai" with her.....

above all, i wish myself happy too!
being happy is the emotion i need most.
i gotta smile like this :D!

-110910-0045

what does it mean?

2010-09-10T00:57:00.002+08:00

be it on 11sept or 16th sept or 17th sept.
i feel that something is lacking........
feeling abit hollow inside....
but i know that my colls and rena have put in great effort in organizing this bday party.
thanks dears!

the most impt person couldnt come
and there's still no news from him yet.

maybe i'll call some peeps out for a drink.
21st bday should mean alot more, but to me it's just another normal day.
no activity, no plans, no fun.
haha.
it's just about telling people "yeah, im 21 this year."
a figure equals to another milestone, that is it.

-100910-0108

horoscope

2010-09-08T00:48:00.002+08:00

im not really into horoscope actually, but a hk drama arouse partial interest in me to fish out more details in this constellation thingy.
and i got to know of a particular quiz in facebook which my friend took that helped you to find your perfect match.
i did mine.
my "nearly perfect partner" is cancer and the "opposites im attracted to" is aquarius.

quite true about the latter.
notti is one good example.
we are totally opposites yet crossed each other's path.
hmmm..im not too sure about cancer.
dont think its accurate though :)
where got such thing called nearly perfect partner huh?

8th sept today.
no news yet........................................

-080910-0102

gastric pain

2010-09-07T18:09:00.002+08:00

arghhhh!
gastric pain!!!!!!!
must be the 9 hrs of starvation each day for 2 consecutive days.
this is called power!
gotta see dr han tonight.

other than that, actually i've got something to say.
hmmmm...just felt that right........
let's talk about tea since we like it.
tea itself is tasteless, but once it is infused with sugar/flowers/fruits and stuff, it is totally different.
i love jap green tea.
though it is tasteless to most of us, im just in love with it.
with or without jasmine is fine.
but now, it is back to tasteless again.
as tasteless as plain water.
maybe my tastebud is weird.
ask you something k...
is sylvia weird to you?
do i seem like i have 公主病?

but as i said before, im going to be different this time.

-070910-1825

~16 ppl ktv

2010-09-07T00:33:00.003+08:00

let's talk about tonight.
nice weather. nice company and nice songs :)

went to sing k with colleagues and part timers at bugis.
i gotta say this was the biggest group so far.
and the biggest ktv room too! hehe.
though we ended early 'cause some of us are working tomorrow, it was a great night out nevertheless.
the biggest credits definitely go to gary for making this possible.
smiles :)

on a personal note, i really love singing k.
i may not have a good voice or good singing skills but i just love to sing.
my toilet at home used to be a good training ground for me to sing but now i differ.
i do not want my neighbours to complain if i sing too loudly.
hehehee..
so now i had found a better place, which is the ktv room.
i can amplify my voice with mic and even if i sing or scream or shout, passers-by do not mind.
i just wanna sing sing sing everything out of my heart.
so shiok................!!!
singing is a good exercise cum de-stress outlet to me
what say you?

amazingly i thought of something just now.
this time, i will not be the same anymore.
the past is a loser.
it is just a game afterall:)

dont think you guys understand this. hehehe..
never mind, i understand jiu hao......*victory*

take a bath and sleep well, girl.
tomorrow will be a better day!

-070910-0055

inked like a tattoo.

2010-09-02T01:02:00.002+08:00

think i gonna get fat.
sometimes i feel that singing one's praises all the time may not always be a good thing.
example like praising someone who can still maintain their figure despite eating alot...
that kind of stuff, you get me?
'cause who knows, that person may suddenly balloon up.
ok, maybe im superstitious or maybe guilt is playing tricks on me.
i just sinfully finished a cup of instant noodles minutes ago for supper.
so dead :X
the older i am, the lazier i get to exercise.
gosh!
do you know how much i appreciate my sec school now for making us do morning runs around the large canal in the past?
tough but beneficial manz...!!!

it was already 3 days into the roadshow week.
keeping oneself busy is good sometimes you know?
at least i wont let my mind wander off too far.
however, uncle foo brought up notti today.
unexpectedly.
i suddenly recalled some things.
i confessed to him once but earned his rejection.
now that uncle foo had asked me, ya.....what was the reason he gave?
he didnt give me a solid reason and i thought age could be it.
or maybe he did not love me enough?
anyway, that's over.
confession is just a way of life.
without confession, my feelings for him will still remain.

uncle foo said i haven't found someone i really like.
not true.
i really love him alot.
it was him who painted a beautiful world for me and i was like the princess happily falling in love.
he made me feel loved, the kind of feeling which i didnt get from my exs and because of this reason, my past relationships didnt last.
because.................there wasnt true love at all.
very different.
to me, he's like the ninja who mysteriously appear in my thoughts now and then for no rhyme or reason.
i just miss everything about him.

notti, when will u be coming again?
can i just buy an air ticket, fly to KL and give u a real tight hug?
it is already september now..............
where have the miracle powers that encircled me all these while gone to?
im going insane.....!!!

-020910-0127

《拜托小姐》

2010-08-29T00:38:00.002+08:00

看完了《拜托小姐》后，我对这部戏的感触很深。
虽然今晚是大结局，它让我有无数次的感动，但是这部戏的每一集都让我有同样的感觉。
今晚我是一个爱哭鬼。。哈哈。。。。
不知怎么的，我对每一个小细节都非常留意，也因此很投入剧中想要表达感情的细腻度。
看到‘小姐’和‘徐管家’拍拖和分手的时刻，是最催泪的。
他们真心投入这段感情的时候，真的沟起了我许多的回忆。
那一幕牵着手开开心心的在逛街，就像是我们曾经度过的点点滴滴。
同样的，残酷的现实就是要让美好的时光消逝离去。
况且，两人就算心里还是很爱着彼此，还是得分手。
真是造化弄人啊！

还记得在上个星期，我妈陪我一起看这部戏。
那时的情节是叙述了‘小姐’遭到她爷爷的反对，不允许她和‘徐管家’交往。
不过‘小姐’可以为了‘徐管家’放弃所有的一切。
我妈这时对我说：“这个女孩子真的很爱这个男的。”

其实我也一样。
我可以不顾一切放弃我所有的去追求我要的幸福。
即使是一个比我大很多岁的他，我也能确定我对他的感觉。
我很想他，非常非常想念他。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
这种隔离两地的滋味很不好受。
好怀念我们扮演情侣的那段时光。。。。。
虽然彼此心里都清楚是假的，但是至少我们是真真正正的快乐过。
haiz.............................................

-290810-0120

HATRED

2010-08-25T23:59:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i am dangerous.

if a human's mind can be configured somewhat like a computer system to act and think in a standard manner, will we be happier like this?

im just afraid that someday i might turn to devil's side and hate everyone and everything i see.
in fact right now im already experiencing some of these evil symptoms like whenever i see my classmates gather together for an outing, be it in actual situation or in facebook, im filled with hatred.
H*****, especially.
in addition, i also dislike people who study alot.
i deem these people as having no life.
honestly speaking, if i spout these nonsense elsewhere, im inflicting conflicts upon myself.
but i heckcare, even a good girl has the right to be evil sometimes (in thoughts).
you see... signs of hatred begin to swamp over the once angelic mind.
im no longer the good girl anymore.
if given a chance, i want to rebel.
i mean, not in smoking/taking drugs or committing crimes.
i want to have my own freedom.
my current goddamn life is too annoying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who knows one day, for god's sake, my heart shall be terminally hardened like a steel...............

ok.
now it's past midnight.
it is thursday.
friday, saturday.
that means 2 more days.
1 more day to his reply.
how now brown cow?
i dont want to reduce to the state whereby i hate you too...
i truly love you, boy.
if things are not looking good this time,
i promise i wont cry.

-260810-0035

is this a bad omen?

2010-08-20T13:20:00.002+08:00

i had a nightmare this morning which had nothing to do with the supernatural and after i woke up, i felt really uneasy.
the feeling was as if tears were already bursting somewhere in my heart.

i dreamt of my family and notti.
ok please dont laugh at my dream ok?
sometimes what happened in a dream is really absurd and has broken links.

so one day, notti came to sg and he was finding a place to stay and hence i brought him home.
our relationship then was better than what we are now but still not as a couple yet.
he came to ah ma's house where all my relatives were present but everyone doesn't seem to like him and seeing us very close to each other pricks like a thorn in their eyes.
they snide remarks at him, of course, as they objected to our relationship.
in the end, notti left me.
i gave chase but was obviously too late.
he had hastily left in a cab.
just before my brain had sufficient time to react, my body was already springing forward to chase him.
and so, i was running running running after a cab.......without taking anything from home like my hp and wallet.
at that instant, i just knew that i must catch up with him no matter what.
i dont want him to leave.

is this a bad omen?
why didn't my family like him as much as i do?
im really scared..............................:(

-200810-1346

pls come

2010-08-16T23:10:00.003+08:00

what to say now?

im in mixed feelings.

just know that my mood can fall from heaven's high to devil's gate.

i was in the midst of listening to jay's new songs when he suddenly appeared in my screen.

whenever i see his conversation window pops up, god knows how elated i am.

but now, to think of it im filled with fear.

coz it means two things;

either it brings good or bad news.

good news give me hope and delight while bad news bring me to shatters of disappointment.

i dont know.

dont know whether he's online to ask me how am i or to send me news that he might not be staying for a night.

is he hinting something or am i thinking too much?

though it's not been confirmed, i know my heart, i certainly hope he will stay.

i realised im spoilt.

since last year when he was here to celebrate my bday, my appetite of greed grew larger and larger and i hope that he can celebrate my bday every year that comes along.

its a little dream of mine but now i feel i gotta pause awhile to consider carefully if this future is still within my reach.

this is fact, about how our relationship is all about a one and a half day-night.

this, however, doesnt come easy hence i treasure every single moment with him, very very much.

i was at vivo earlier today, standing at the very same spot where i was alone that night.

that night, when everyone was about to leave the mall and yet i was walking in an opposite direction.

im so scared..........that this kind of incident is going to happen again.

the feeling of lost and disappointment.....who can see me bleeding tears?

i stopped typing when he said that he's not sure about staying over.

i dont know what to type.

can i say no? i know i cant.

he cant say no too.

and by the time i found something to say, he gotta go.

you know, there's always a reason for why i suddenly start on a mega spree.

mega spree is when i have the urge to buy many many stuff.

this doesnt happen often, and it is only when he's coming.

dont know why, i just wanna be at my best when i see him.

thinking about what to wear, how to draw my eyes properly, what activities to do, where to shop, where to eat, where to suggest him to stay etc................

now im almost done with the stuff on my list, yet i have uncertainty as his reply.

im a good girl......and god is always kind to answer my prayer.

i pray that he will be safe in this taipei trip and work will be smooth-sailing.

at least he's safe in taipei now.

god, can i add on one more thing?

i pray that i can steal one night of his for a time together to celebrate my bday.

please......................?

-170810-0028

im broke (fullstop)

2010-08-14T00:02:00.003+08:00

my pocket is burning a bigger and bigger hole each day..........
in fact it is true that i've been spending money this week, hence i have this feeling that money has been flowing out of my pocket like running water.
bought clothes from g market, lollyrouge and the most recent was Chanel's newly launched Chance fragrance.
among these, i absolutely have no regrets buying the perfume though being an EDT and not the EDP that i will usually buy.
nonetheless, im so damn addicted to the fragrance that i thought im as if falling into a spell.
for ladies out there, this is truly one good fragrance that you should wear.

if you think that should be all, then you're wrong.
thats not THE END.
looking through my to-do list, i still have many wants yet fulfilled.
im so greedy right? heheehehehehehe...too bad...
i feel like coloring my hair roots, thats number 1.
2-to do hair treatment coz my hair's getting into a frenzy
and 3-to buy lingerie.

these 3 desirable monsters will surely cost a bomb of around 300 bucks.
no money no money no money no money no money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dont forget there's catering.
argh. so dead.
hope that i can see money once i wake up from my sleep in the morning...
eeeerrrm...i mean in the afternoon.

im hungry now.
supper time.
gd nite dudes.
and oh, he's going to taipei.
how is he going to catch enough rest?

-140810-0222

mac delivery

2010-08-09T22:36:00.003+08:00

lalalalalalalalalalalala~
should i say that bro just gave in to me?
muahahahahaha!!!!!!

i blamed him a couple of days ago for not wanting to eat pizza just when i wanted to, hence i dropped the idea of calling for delivery.
today, he's different.
he wanted to call for pizza delivery but the person told him that our area is not covered for delivery though im not too sure whether it is only for today or for other days.
ARRRGHHHHH....
my long awaited pizza disappeared just when it's coming my way........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shit them la.

in the end we called for mac delivery lo.
tried out their spicy nuggets..
whooosh...really spicy.
coz im not a chilli lover.
hehe.
*burps*
we're so FULLLLLLL to the max!

-090810-2258

45th national day

2010-08-09T13:51:00.002+08:00

Happy 45th Birthday Singapore!

here's a birthday wish for you:
hope that you can protect us from natural disasters i.e flood................it's so damn bad.

daddy and aunt bought a tee for me, from fox.
it shows tinkerbell in front and the background was painted like our national flag.
who's creative idea was that?
there's absolutely no link between tinkerbell and singapore.
practically meaningless -.-

so that tee has been laying in my wardrobe for a week since it was bought.
i wanted to compromise initially but the size is not right as it was a tad too tight for me..........
and i thought of giving it away but it doesnt seem so nice.
tsk...
shall leave it to cold imprisonment for the time being then.

it's pretty weird dude.
when i was a kid, i thought that the adults' taste was not too bad for at least there were some similarities.
as i grow older, these similarities stretched further and further til i thought i'd rather buy things for myself than to let them do the favour.

daddy kept asking me to wear the tee and when i dont, he blamed me.
dont get it.
i will not force myself to put on something i dont like.
but at least i spare a thought for his feelings.
i did not tell him i do not like it.
at the first place, no one asked him to buy it...!!!!!
and if he insists on it, i'd rather prefer a plain tinkerbell tee.
at the very least the cartoon and background do not clash.

-090810-1415

方炯鑌壞人

2010-08-04T14:12:00.000+08:00

this shouldnt be new to you...........

-040810-1417

abin

2010-08-04T12:50:00.004+08:00

oh my.......this is 方炯镔 for you....

before this starstruck competition, i only know of this person for his song 坏人, which is what i normally choose to sing in kbox.

but as what the judges in the competition commented about him, there was one thing which i certainly agree of, that is although he looks like the ordinary guy-next-door, he has an extraordinary voice that gained him the high score.

i dont know what to say.

i heard the original version by eason chan before and since then this becomes one of my favourite songs from him. no doubt that the melody soothes my ears, it is not an easy song to sing, lest mentioning about singing it live.

nevertheless, the song suits abin to a T. if someone can sing a song that makes my jaws drop wide open and my heartbeat follows the rhythm, then i should say that this singer is truly worth my admiration.

well, i dont know if you guys understand cantonese, but for a fact i definitely dont unless it is accompanied with lyrics.

anyway, im so proud that our neighbouring country produces music talents like abin and rynn, who not only sing but also have a flair in composing.

-040810-1323

emo to love

2010-07-27T23:46:00.002+08:00

i said this in msn just now: "if u ask me, seriously, i hate a life like this."
yes, i dont like stress, dont like someone as a dictator, and i like only my comfort zone.
wonder when i can put an end to all these...
it's driving me mad dude!
'cause i already had an answer, i hate studies, period.
life is not as fulfiling as it seems, god knows how hard im trying to brace myself up and to struggle for something i dont even see the purpose in doing so.
im stale, im stiff, im liveless, im as alive yet as dead as a zombie.
im tired, im pale, im as healthy yet as weak as a patient.
i grumbled, i complained, im as whiny as a child yet they are unheard.
i sighed, i lamented, im as unmotivated as a good-for-nothing yet i fought hard to create hopes.
but i say, strength is limited.
probably, i say probably, it could give way.
til then, i may just collapse.

as long as love is not concerned, the most torturous thing in life is doing something against your own wish.

just when im puking out these shit in msn, fortunately someone threw me a pleasant surprise.
he's back from india.
god knows how worried i was, wondering if he can adapt to the local food there and if his stomach is fine.
since now he's back, i can rest my worries :)
good news, he will be coming soon.
however on the downside, it means that he wont be coming to my chalet.
nevermind.........
at least i can see him again.
you know its kinda weird when i was emo-ing then something got my heart racing?
it's like 360 deg turnaround...yea...

if u watch PS Man, you will understand that kind of absurd, unexplainable feeling when 马小茜 chats online with 夏和杰.

-280710-0018

Backstreet Boys - Inconsolable

2010-07-23T19:17:00.002+08:00

your voice......?

2010-07-21T23:46:00.002+08:00

i had almost forgotten how your voice sounded like coz our last verbal conversation ended 10 mths ago...
looks like my memory starts to fail me...
it was until just now when i accidentally chanced upon your video that i recall your voice and the way you speak.
you might think that is so pathetic right?
haiz...........
just as much as how i do not wish to trouble him, i do hope that he will turn up at my bday party.
waiting for his reply..................
geez.
when it comes to love, erm....i mean...when it comes to him,
my thoughts contradict themselves.

-220710-0000

所谓的 “外在美”

2010-07-21T11:40:00.002+08:00

刚刚在facebook里add了一个小学的朋友。
其实在近年里我已经知道她的样子有180度的转变，在性格上也染上了烟瘾。
当然，她的确变得比以前漂亮，也变得性感和狂野。
我还是比较喜欢以前的她耶！
不过。。。。
有两个地方我还是很羡慕她的！
那就是她的腿和腹部。

腿。。。好修长，而且皮肤也很柔滑。
腹部。。。好平坦喔！！！！！！！！
这些正是我所梦寐以求的。。。。。。。。。

想到现在的我，我真是惭愧。
虽然我已经脱离之前似乎看起来营养不良瘦巴巴的样子，但是却在腹部和大腿上多长了一些小肉肉。
烦啊！！！！！
我又得知如果要做treatment价钱又很昂贵。
怎么做女人那么不简单啊？？？？？？？？

你知道的，样貌尤其对我来说，是非常重要的。
这就是外在美。
其实，我只想给大家看到我最美的一面。

所以啊。。。你们觉得美容专业是否更适合我呢？？？？？？
要不然我转行，你们觉得怎样？

-210710-1207

chalet

2010-07-10T00:52:00.002+08:00

im getting more and more excited about my birthday plan as things seem to puzzle up bit by bit.
i think as of now, the chalet location is more or less decided as my colleagues decided to help me with the planning
so grateful to them..!!!
hmmm...
then...
i gotta come up with a guest list.
this isn't too difficult as my social circle is rather small, hence it makes my work easier.
the only uphill task is whether or not i am able to invite that VIP.
it's just a matter of TIME but to a workaholic like him, every second is of a monetary value.
i used to "blame" him for not being able to cough up some spare time for us to meet, but now i am able to stand from his point of view and understand where he is coming from.
although he is always clueless to when our next meet-up is, i dont blame him anymore.
nonetheless, im still going to extend my invitation to him and hope that miracles happen :0

yesterday elaine and steph mentioned that my expression changes whenever i mention about him.
now that they brought this up, then i realise it.
hehe :X
perhaps i've really fallen in love with him and he holds the remote to my heart.
should i say love happens at the wrong time and with the wrong man?

-100710-0110

notti,we finally chat like before!

2010-06-29T16:31:00.003+08:00

it's really been a long time since i last felt that i actually smiled before.

even if i did, none compares to my joy today.

that's what a true smile is, the one which truly reflects the inner joy.

please hit me hard.

i could not believe that i saw *******@hotmail.com conversation box pops out.

to notti: thought you ignored me and glad that you realise we have not met up for a long time. was lovely to know that you miss me too.......a short chat with you just now rekindled memories of how we used to chat like this in the past and everything felt so fresh and alive! HMPF. tests wont knock me down now that i have your encouragement. because of you, i shall FIGHT ON!! CHARRRRGGGGGEEEEEE~~!!!!! *i couldn't bear to close my msn*

-290610-1700

xiao qiang

2010-06-26T15:08:00.002+08:00

what a morning to start my day!

perhaps i should say that i kickstart my day as early as dawn breaks.
it was around 4.45am this morning when i heard someone hitting the floor or something.
i was not too sure at first, then i realised my bro turned on the lights.
lizard was the reason that came to my mind.
heck it, i was too tired to wake up and thought that my parents will wake up instead, so that at least it gives me an excuse of not knowing what's going on.
too bad..
none of them woke up to help and hence i reluctantly forced myself up.
to my surprise, i saw a huge cockroach!
i really wonder why guys are so fearful of cockroaches and it seems that they remain as the no.1 bane in the guy's most feared list.
hey..it's only a cockroach, nothing scary dude!
the pest was still alive after being beaten by my bro, so i decided to kill it myself.
i got my slipper and gave it a hard whack.
ok, dead.
my job was done!
i cleared the carcass and was hoping my bro would ask me to get back to sleep.
you know what he said?
he told me to change the current pillow cases to new ones.
LOL.

and since then..i had difficulty falling asleep again:(

-260610-1530

10th LOCC dinner

2010-06-26T01:48:00.002+08:00

HELLO! MISS ME?
im back from merv's 10th LOCC commissioning dinner.
as you can see..err..i mean sense..im in high spirits today.
though i never got the answer that i want because i did not even ask in the first place, i still gotta thank merv for inviting me to be his partner for this dinner.
i thought many of his army mates will surely bring along their girlfriends but apparently this was not the case!
there was still a handful who brought their female friends, so that didnt make me feel weird.
you know..what a small world out there that i could actually bump onto 2 familiar faces i've seen before in sp.
alvin and yiling are ruth's track mates in school last time and back then we had already met each other before, though we weren't really close friends per se.
merv told me that alvin sleeps beside him, literally.
haha.
thankfully i found someone whom i know and therefore managed to survive in the sea of unfamiliar faces.
you know, i dont really like to attend those occassions if i dont know the people there and if i really go, it is purely because im doing the person, whoever invited me, a favour.
it is simply because i do not like to be left out somewhere in a corner or mingling in a crowd of people whom i dont know and i'll just smile for the sake of courtesy.
therefore you see..i was actually in two minds before i made the decision to attend the dinner.

anyway, back to the topic of tonight,
can see that the officers including merv had a smashing fun time.
crowne plaza hotel was nice with beautiful ambience and everything but i thought that the food could be better.
it was a 4 course dinner and the only setback lies in the shell fish borsch soup that was too salty and the dessert that was too sweet.
to my personal preference, yes i do not really fancy the custard tart. god knows it was so sweet that i asked for ice water after a beer.
but merv likes it! hahahaha..he said this was the only dish he loved the most for the night.
how different we are!!!! haha.
as for the soup, it was of a common census that it really tasted saltish.
i love the peking duck(appetiser) and the fish (main course).
yum yum.....!!!!!

i had taken pics of the food which i'll either upload here or in facebook (depends on my mood).
group photos and stuff will be posted in facebook..gotta wait for the guys to do their job, yea?
alternatively, you can visit my profile @ http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=719682084&ref=ts#!/profile.php?id=778579852

til then,
good night,sleep tight,
and dont let the bedbugs bite...heeee

-260610-0217

notti 会叫我darling吗？？？

2010-06-22T22:41:00.005+08:00

太夸张了！！！

接近傍晚的时候，在我洗完澡过后就睡了一个午觉。
身体感觉清爽，再加上没有太阳暴晒的天气，实在睡得很甜美。
我把手机放在梳妆台上，在charging.

睡着睡着。。。突然仿佛听到手机在响着。
哦。。原来是我有简讯。
也许是我太累了吧，所以再把眼睛闭上，沉入睡眠。

不可思议的来了。。。
我顿时做了一个似真的梦。
我梦到那个简讯其实是notti发的。
他还叫我darling之类的，并且告诉我他当时已经放工了，有要过来的意思。
我真的乐得手舞足蹈。。谁知道我搞不好还在睡中含着笑呢！哈哈 :D

就在这时，手机又再响了。
因为之前的简讯未读的关系，所以铃声会时不时地响起。
好像被什么恶梦吓醒似的，我睁开双眼，感觉刚刚做的梦似乎会成真！
是吗？会是他吗？
难道这就是我的转机？

唉。。原来是我老板啦！
简直是一场欢喜一场空！
可是话说回来，怎么梦可以那么真实啊？？？？

总而言之，我睡醒了啦。。。
一切还是归零。
想念一个人原来可以那么刻苦铭心，往往总是会让人失去理智。
但是让我一相情愿爱上他的那个人，在另一端的世界里根本不知道我有多爱他。

我有机会听到他叫我darling吗？

-220610-2315

tumbling block

2010-06-10T15:59:00.004+08:00

i was in the bus just now when i felt a strong urge to blog.
must blog. I MUST BLOG TODAY NO MATTER WHAT, period.

f*** lah.
had practical test today and fortunately things went quite smoothly.
the only exception was, as usual, the old witch.
the amusing thing is that the more one wants to avoid the other, the more likely they are going to meet.
in chinese we call it 冤家路窄.
i was praying to god hoping that i wont get her as my examiner, but looks like god is not helping me and the only comfort that i was trying to lie to myself was dashed.
ALL dashed.
when i heard her saying "*** and sylvia, you all are under me."
my morale parachuted immediately.
however, i did not let this affect my performance and was even more determined to prove to her that i can do it.
but...........................
you see..let's say when you enter an examination place and proper instruction to start the exam was not told, we wouldn't dare to start first right?
but for us, we can do our preliminary tests first and so, i proceeded and recorded everything nicely.
just when she came over to my station, i reported to her that findings are ok and i'm going to start proper and guess what? she told me to show her what i did and saw during prelim.
that means i must do it all over again!
the only thing i dislike about her is her tone.
she could have told me in a nicer tone right?
her tone was demanding and domineering at that time you know?
wtf!
"show me! show me what you are doing!don't need to let me tell you what to do!"
fuck lah.
i certainly know very well what i am doing but i dont know that i must report every single thing to her. then since now she wants me to do so, cant she request properly?
so RUDE!
an educator shouldn't act in this manner.
if she is my parent, i would have argued back.
i mean, all of us do appreciate someone who speaks to us nicely and not being ordered around. we do not owe each other and so, everyone deserves basic respect.
even if im your student and i made a mistake, please consider us as adults and talk to us tactfully.
it's very funny.
she was in charge of 2 stations, including mine but most of the time, she's got her eyes fixed on my monitor screen instead of the other group's.
manz. i am really marked by her.
in her eyes, am i a lousy and rebellious student?
even though, yes, i do not love school but now i've changed for the better as i begin to get down to serious work instead of just fooling around.
i guess, once an impression has been made, it's a tad too difficult to change it overnight.
perhaps the incident back in 2 years ago has inked a blotch in her heart.
i just felt the unfairness.
i did not hear that kind of awful tone from her to bunny.
maybe she thinks that bunny looks kind and innocent and she doesn't want to hurt her fragile heart.
wei...as if my heart is made of steel and face is as thick as a prata.
i have my pride too, ok?
don't know what kind of grades i'd get..........

i couldnt help but to lament.
why why why, for goodness sake, "abcd" is not my examiner???????????????

haiz, no reply.
perhaps he doesnt even bother to reply.

-100610-1635

what is birthday?

2010-06-03T23:46:00.002+08:00

seriously dont get it.
perhaps i am being more selfish as years passed and this has got something to do with how i was brought up.

i had always wanted a cake for my birthday cause i thought this is how people usually celebrate this important day and i certainly would like my loved ones to gather around me to sing a birthday song for me!
isnt this the norm?
although others may rebuke that birthdays do not necessarily must have a cake, i still hope for one every year.
but i still dont get it.
maybe when i was a toddler, ya..i recall now...
but as i grow up, the norm switched to being treated to meals and receiving red packets.
i think no one knows how badly i wish for a birthday cake.
to me, it signifies alot on how friends and loved ones appreciate and love me.
but sad to say, no one understands this, hence every year i spend a boring birthday which seems just like any ordinary day without any celebration.

this mentality inked deeply in my heart until one day notti gave me a new perspective.
he too told me that we do not neccesarily need a cake for birthday cause it is the thought that counts the most.
i still remember how he almost used a mooncake to substitute a birthday cake.LOL

im bad.
i do not celebrate mother/father's day and my parents' birthday.
sometimes knowing how some people actually make restaurant bookings just to celebrate these important dates, increases my guilt for not being filial.

argh!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know.
just feel that everything is pretence and very fake.
want us to celebrate bday with them just for the sake of being the same as what other children do with their parents?
maybe...im drifting further and further away from them, that's all.

040610-0032

untitled

2010-05-31T20:37:00.002+08:00

我有很多话想说，但不知从何说起。
千言万语又不可能在一夜间说完。
或许在这个寂寞的城市里，人的心情也变得难以捉摸。
忧郁？不，我不是。
开心？也不见得。
当情感都陷在这个灰色地带时，我们往往都迷失了自己。
我此刻的心情很复杂，真的好想享受个暖暖的拥抱。
至少能让心灵上的空虚得到一丝丝的安慰。

这几天我拼命在埋头苦读，把精力都放在学业上。
可是忙归忙，偶尔还会想起某人。
忙完测验后，学校假期就即将来临。
好像问他同样的问题：“你何时还会再来新加坡？”
*心痒痒嘞*
我也希望可以重温那真实的拥抱。
这次我绝不会那么轻易松手。

*爱与不爱，一样让人心痛*

-310510-2100

ipoh horfun

2010-05-29T00:20:00.003+08:00

im so lucky today to have tasted the best ipoh horfun ever in my whole lifetime from "珠江 blah blah blah" ...
haha. dont really remember the exact name. paiseh..
but i know that it's located opposite of albert street OG shopping centre.
the dish doesn't taste like the common ones we get from the market which have alot of gravy (well, at least this is what ive always been eating in these 20 yrs...).
instead, the gravy was in good combination with the guotiao, hence it does not seem too diluted or soupy in a sense......
oh my!
mentioning about the guotiao...can you imagine that it is so smooth and waxy (but not easily breakable) that you dont even have to spend too much time masticating it?
i say, PERFECT!
at only $3, you will definitely enjoy a rewarding meal coupled with food from heaven!
hoho...gonna try the roast duck noodle the next time i go to F&L.....

im so tired.
but i gotta continue with my revision.
2 chapters per day in the weekend...................................................................................................
i musn't sleep anymore....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

notti.
i saw someone who looks like you from the side and the back @domanchi.
at that moment, silly me thought it was you.
impossible right? how could it be you??!!!
the only thing is he's much more fairer than you and the earstuds he's wearing...
different from yours as well.
who can take your trademark of that squarish earring away from you?
i shall call anyone imposter if they dare to impersonate you manz!
hehe.
anyway, he's from m'sia too.
a food for thought: do all/most m'sian guys dress like this? i mean..they are quite good at dressing up, but none beats you of course!
hmmmmmmmm.............................................................................................................................
i did manage to shelve you a lil further behind my brain these while, but now images and thoughts of you re-surfaced at the anterior frontal lobe.
shit. i really cant get over you, my love.

-290510-0045

media vs science

2010-05-23T02:00:00.002+08:00

i touch my heart and i know that the media industry is what im really interested in.
but as for now, i gotta fake that optometry is my thing.
goodnight.
(looks like 2 btls of stella artois weren't enough.)

met up with brandon just now at a pub deep inside keppel bay condominium.
though initially i wanted to order just cocktails, in the end i ended up with stella.
dont really like the music there as it defeats the purpose of creating an atmosphere for relaxation.
and it's abit cramp too.
fortunately there were private yachts for me to admire.
wonder when i can earn enough to own one.
haha:)

-230510-0206

我的世外桃园在哪里？

2010-05-18T13:33:00.003+08:00

我真的是身在福中不知福。。。

虽然我现在的奢华可能是众人眼里的羡慕，但是一切都是可遇不可求啊。。。
我宁愿，也非常乐意地把它奉献给别人，因为我根本都不会去欣赏它。
对我而言，名分和地位都一一比不上做回真正的自己。
在这个喧哗的都市里，当人们都在拼命地发奋向上，我却想寻找属于自己的空间。
我累了。
或许我已经厌倦这样的生活方式。
是不是因为太年轻，所以不能为自己一心向往的生活做决定呢？
何时才是最好的时机？

我好想抛弃一切，从零开始。
最近，我也发现那曾是我避风港的家，感觉上突然变成一个鸟笼。
那个让我能轻松喘气的世外桃园，到底在哪里呢？
是的，我的确感到一种莫名的压力，仿佛在这个窄小的空间里，空气变得好稀薄。
我的难言之隐，有谁愿倾听呢？
眼前的家人都好像不是好的听者耶。。。
或许我的内心知道我要和他们谈的话题一定会遭到反对，那就干脆不说了。
反正我要说的，也不是他们爱听的。
真苦恼！
我们的沟通真的出现很大的问题咯！！
我只好拼命地咀嚼生活的杂物，然后一一往肚子里塞。
有苦难言啊！

好想好想，现在马上拖着行李，逃离眼前的虚假。。。。。。。。。。。
等我整理好心情再回来。
要不然，每天的我，也只是像一个无魂的躯壳，为了生活而还在呼吸着。
我要的，谁会理解？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？
难道你们认为只要有好的学历我就会快乐吗？
那么，你们根本都不了解快乐的真正定义。

-180510-1425

lovehimtothemax

2010-05-07T20:28:00.002+08:00

真难得，
人在JB还会想到我。。。
他的简讯竟然感动到我。
虽然我们最后仍然没有碰到面，但是他的心意我已经收到了。
我想，这是我开学以来最令我感到欣慰的一件事。

奇怪。。。
这到底是什么力量？
它竟然能够让我的心情豁然开朗，
好像身边所有的人，事，物都被抛出宇宙外，
对我来说都似乎消失了，
唯独在发简讯的那个人。

可是。。。
这个力量也有它的负面影响。
尽管如此，到现在我还是把它和他当作我的鼓励和动力，继续迈向未知的未来。
究竟未来会演变成怎样的结局，我先不会去顾虑太多。
所谓：“enjoy the moment”
也只不过在教我们学会珍惜眼前所拥有的和知足常乐这个道理。

时间这个玩意儿，真微妙。
当两个人真的想碰面时，就阻挠了一切。
一个离不开工作岗位，另一个还得上学。
没办法，遇到这种天意弄人的情况，只好等下一个机会。

我还是为昨天的事感动。。。。。。。。。:)

-070510-2100

sacred people are just full of shit!

2010-05-04T23:36:00.002+08:00

i didn't realise initially how hard studies can be.
thought i could grit my teeth and breeze through it as long as the determination is there, but i guess i still could not beat the greatest enemy, which is my heart.
a saying says that it is always easy to fall to the direction which the wind blows.
i totally agree 'cause im experiencing how it is like to go against my wish.

i hate the 'sacred' people up there.
they are just a bunch of money suckers!
i see no reason why they should charge the full amount.
no brains!
you know what, im already very very demoralised by the need to repeat another pre-reg year and yet the money issue came.
and when i combined these with the irritating and inexperienced IL, i tell you......
IM SO GOING TO VOMIT BLOOD!
seriously, i really dont understand what he is teaching.
since long time ago, i believe that in this world there isn't any subject that is too hard to comprehend.
all we need is proper teaching and guidance from the right person.
i came into this realization when i was in sec 4.
at that time being the toughest subject, A Maths was my bane.
i flunked exams and tests almost throughout the final year until mr loh became my guiding light.
i've never been more confident than that time when i stepped out of the examination hall and told him that im going to get an 'A' for my O's, and yes i did it!
IL is supposed to be a guiding light 'coz that's his job, isn't it?
but now, we are still stuck in the darkness.
the light refuses to shine, hence expecting us to either grope our way through or groping for possible methods to create light.
i call this "leaving us in the lurch".
im so frustrated to attend his class coz i dont understand a single thing...(err..i mean some.)

-040510-2355

ice kacang puppy love

2010-05-01T20:38:00.002+08:00

definitely not my day.

i was in high spirits today knowing that i finally get to watch ice kacang puppy love,
then things took a change after the movie ended.
sighs.
anyway, i love the show.
it is only a short 1hr45min movie with a simple plot.
to me, i find that the real essence lies in the setting and since the storyline is a simple one, audience like me can easily engage ourselves into the atmosphere.
some of us might have experienced this similar kind of childhood before back in those days when we grew up in kampongs.
hence, the movie to us, is like a platform which allows us to relive our childhood memories.
i like the part where we saw the children playing marbles, and the girls playing masak masak.
life seems to have no worries at all....how cute!
notti, is this how u grew up too?

i grew up in singapore where everywhere is much urbanized now as compared to those days in the 60's or 70's, hence seeing what a kampong life is certainly intrigues and captivates my heart.
though their lifestyle is naturally set at a slower pace, i guess happiness is much more evident there.

mentioning about him makes me happy and yes, i do not want to accept reality. so what?
pls dont change my mindset and since i chose this path, i do expect more tears than laughters..
but just let me be!
thought i can share things with you..........i dont like the cold water! -.-
you know me, i wont say things to hurt ppl.
even though im upset with your remark, i still wont show my anger at you.

-010510-2105

time vs location

2010-04-28T23:12:00.002+08:00

power POWER!

today i created history by consuming the longest preparation time in make-up.
*CLAPS*
the norm for me usually takes about 30-40 mins, depending on my mood but today it took me 1 hr!
all thanks to the fake lashes, now i realise i dont have the flair of talent for it.
aik leng and chanel wear fake lashes all the time and hanging out with them makes me also want to try them out, so i decided to carry out an experiment at home today.
i stick the falsies on, pulled them out, re-glued, not satisfied, pulled them out again and the cycle repeats.
ya, this is how bad it was -.-

in the end, i still went back to my normal makeup.
im done with fake lashes.
i still have an undying love for mascara.

notti, can you please teach me?
saw your newly taken corporate photo in fb.
as usual, you never fail to wow me :)
dashing, cool and charming.
the pic was really well-taken, you could have just appear in mags.
i travelled along the old path which we used to stroll in the past.
it's been 5+ months, but the memories were as fresh as yesterday's.
the fountain at raffles city office tower and the man who sat there.........:)
im listening to jon mclaughlin's song.
the song seems to depict the fairytale setting in the enchanted movie but i sense the agony.
yesterday while looking at the vast blue sky, i realised that no matter where we are in the world, we are all sheltered by the same blue sky.
i dont know, the thought of this makes me feel slightly happier 'cause it seems to shrink the distance bewteen us.
the question arises:

how far apart are we?

-280410-2339

MONGA!

2010-04-17T23:36:00.002+08:00

went to watch "Monga" with rena today at GV.

the only pity is we didnt catch it at Cathay, if not i would say that the total experience will be levelled up.

i shan't write a movie review here 'cause if other sources give it 4 stars or more, i could not agree more to it than this!

all in all, it's definitely worth your 3 hr time and money.

150410 was a disappointment.

to think that i have a home but i almost could not return to it.

fortunately, i managed to brave through the night and trek along the dark and creepy paths in vivo and harbourfront at almost 12am.

what i meant by 'dark and creepy'?

u will know it when the friendly atmosphere at a shopping centre in the day turns to a quiet and who-knows-who's-behind-you uncertainty at night.............

notti ps me :(

recently, someone told me that one of my ex-classmates quit from the degree course and later i was even more appalled by the reason she gave.

she said that she do not see her future prospects in this profession and that she wants to be a freelance make-up artiste.

how cool was that!

i admire her guts and drive!

it's not as if this did not occur in my mind before.

there are so many things i want to do other than what im doing now, which are modelling and taking up a professional make-up course.

though luck came knocking on my door a few days ago, i actually turned down an interview with a modelling agency.

i read some netizens' comments on this agency and apparently models have to appear in swim suits which is like 'duh'..it is obviously a must.

if i have a choice, i wont do so.

so what am i thinking?

maybe im not cut out for this line.

im thinking......just thinking that when i graduate from the uni, i will be 23 by then.

suddenly have this thought of venturing into the make-up world.

i know my father will surely kill me for this lah.

but once again, if i can have an option, i want to learn it from notti and get a decent cert from there.

why cant my family just treat it like im 'studying' overseas?

and moreover KL is so near to us.......................-180410-0030

clash of the titans (of my hopes)

2010-04-12T00:50:00.003+08:00

should i rejoice at the countdown or should i not?

the induction programme is on 14th and 15th april from 9am-6pm.
two LONG days.......crazy
this also means that school is starting soon in about a week's time.
so..should i be looking forward with glee?

but..if there is a reason for me to anticipate this coming week, that would be notti.
he's COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D
you know, i was pretty bored and was lying on my bed on that lazy saturday afternoon when that life-changing sms changed my mood 360 degree!
haha.
i jumped out of my bed as if something pricked me hard from underneath and was jumping non-stop on the ground.
damn, i guess nothing could describe the ultimate joy i was feeling and it seemed that the world looked so gorgeous all of a sudden!
WOW~~~!!!!!
unfortunately his visit clashes with the last day of the induction programme, but heck.
im so going to accompany him (after school).
dont worry, im not muddle-headed.

people say "clash of the titans".
sylvia says "clash of my hopes".

anyway, the income tax thingy was settled.
everything was nicely done.
so..phew............
no more problems on that :)

looks like my days are brightened up since 'that'.
:D
:D
:D

-120410-0108

@starbucks

2010-04-09T23:05:00.002+08:00

even me myself also could not believe that i manage to independently pass an hour's time outside.
the keyword is 'independently'.
yea..i was alone, all by myself.
the reason for staying at home rather than going out by myself during my free time is because i dread boredom.
boredom is scary and i detest eyes on me whenever im outside.
i mean..i neither dress like an alien nor a monster, so people out there can you kindly stop looking at me?!
im shy alrite......
since i already set my mind to look for mummy at parkway parade today, i gotta be mentally prepared to wait for her alone.
to me, today is definitely a big breakthrough.
i took bus 10 on a 45 min journey to PP. cool rite?
hence, the accomplishment is self-control, resisting the resident temptation of taking a cab.
yeah! i won!
so while waiting for mummy, i went to starbucks and ordered a dark mocha frappucino.
there i was, settled on a seat, plucked my earphones on, tap on starbucks wireless and joyfully surfed net on my iphone.
how cool was that, dude!
but still i gotta admit that though i can somehow attempt to spend time alone by myself, i cannot do without my mp3.
its only when the music plays in my world that i can avoid people's stare and do my things naturally.
this happens all the time when im traveling alone in public transport, shopping and basically doing anything at anywhere away from home.

am i a weirdo?

my mood sank deep into the valley last night.
same issue, same argument.
this time was worst than before and because of this, i suffered from the uncommon insomnia.
went to bed at 2+ and i thought maybe a little music could make me sleep better.
hence, i utilized sylvia's all-time remedy that was to listen to my mp3.
hehehe..you know...this is actually the upgraded version of turning on my hi-fi all night (yea, i tried before on several occassions).
however, last night's attempt was not exactly very successful.
at 3+, i thought i felt only 40% of its effect.
ahhhh..better than nothing, at least the music managed to drown my insomnia by a tweeny bit.
then, i turned off my mp3 and slept through the night.
haiz.
you know what, sylvia is really silly.
she even thought of sms-ing notti, though unsure if he will reply.
but she just want to send out an sms to him.........................................
all it takes is a gamble.

-090410-2335

kfc am meal

2010-04-03T17:45:00.003+08:00

oh god, this looks fab isnt it?

awwww...look at the margarine and the....maple syrup smoothed on top of it!!!!! *slurps*

i've been dying to head down to kfc just for this!

& today i officially fall flat to this temptation.

woke up 'early' in the morning with my bro just to catch this am meal....

he was influenced by me to try this out (even if the world collapsed).

when we reached the outlet, i hesitated between the similarly delicious-looking platter meal and waffles meal.

*sigh* you see...the worst thing to do to a glutton is to give her too many food choices.

yah yah...nevertheless, i kept my stand firmly to the ground.

ordered 2 waffles meal and 1 twister original meal.

only til today i realised that mcdonalds has been closed down, and i guess this closure led to many customers flocking over to kfc.

do you know how long we waited for our food? 20-30 mins!!!!!!!!!!!!

somehow or rather the kfc staff were also overwhelmed by the huge crowd such that their service was impaired.

what i meant by 'impaired' was the carelessness to leave out sugar for my coffee, maple syrup and margarine for my waffles.

sucks big time, man!

now, my long-waited waffles tasted so plain :(

f.y.i* we ordered takeaway so we cant get these from them again.....................*sigh again*

but i gotta admit, the twister meal was fantastic.

i will be ordering this next time.

sylvia likes tomato omelette

or omelette with tomato.

i love them sama-sama ;)

-030410-1807

notti-china

2010-04-02T23:34:00.002+08:00

notti, how should i describe you?
it's like no matter in what situation, you are ever so handsome.
but i dont love you just for your looks.
i love your presence, your everything even your flaws.

saw your pics in fb..
know that you are very tired back from your trip, thats why i sent u an sms to show my concern.
& the best thing is you replied me with one word.
isnt this the so-called "1 word reply"?

do you know what a girl is most afraid of?
i tell you.
she's afraid that the guy she loves has lost interest in her.
u get what i mean?

i mean, it is purely out of concern that i sms him and i do not ask for anything in return.
but 1 word reply seems a little too cool for me :(
anyway, regardless what he feels for me, i wanna let him know that i will always keep him in my heart.
even if his friends and colleagues showed the same concern for him, i will not care any lesser for him.

-030410-0000

no ending to these shit

2010-03-28T23:32:00.003+08:00

THIS IS FUCKING IRRITATING!!!!

i mind my language in the words i speak, but certainly not this time.
im too frustrated to stick to my principle.

1. stupid tax thingy.
peace. im not aiming at the government policy. im angry at someone who keeps pestering me to get the hard copy of the ir8a from feb to now. FROM FEB TIL NOW,MIND YOU.it's not as if i didnt enquire about this from the office, but i heard that it was all computed to the website (something like that) which means we probably wont get a hard copy summary. so, i went to check it out in the website. all it says was that the summary was already processed. now the question that burns me hard to the core is whether im supposed to do the e-filing. i've got my summary from yes so i could see all the figures at one glance, but i still do not know the ones from f&l. i mean, all these can be settled nicely right? i totally dislike the tone u used as if this is an interogation.

2. (the worst of all) UNI
this fucks big time. cant the damn school summarize a simple to-do list? why make us read through a thick stack of forms knowing that sometimes we do make human errors by missing some points here and there? brainless creatures. so they got what they want. i really missed out some info and kena nagged by that person. irritating asshole. why cant the school just obtain the necessary info and payment from CPF? why again, need us to do double job by writing a cheque and expecting a reimbursement later? isnt this back to square one? and 'coz of this, i volunteered to clean up my bro's mess but i was bombed by him. hey, im trying to find a solution now (for him). instead of appreciating me (which he ought to do), i got shouted for nothing. so much for my kind intention. go to hell! ok. i did not ask my dad to use our joint acc. it was HIM who suggested it ok?! speaking of this, the stupid GIRO form says that we must go down to the bank personally and have our thumbprints/signatures verified in witness of a bankteller and note down which branch we went to initially to create this acc. im going down to sp tomorrow but i dont think everything can be settled once and for all. guess i have to make a 2nd trip, all thanks to the GIRO shit. worst of all, i heard my dad say that he's got a workshop to attend tomorrow, so i told him that we head down to the bank on tues morning. then later at night he said that his workshop starts in the afternoon, not morning, so i suggested why not he takes time-off tomorrow morning. again, i was dropped another bomb on my shoulder. he said now it was too late to pre-inform aunty mrs wong and that i should have asked him earlier on. walao eh! i did not do this on purpose ok? i only suddenly recall it mah.....i tell u ah, as long as this uni thingy is not settled, there will not be peace. fuck it! hopefully the bank only needs one of us signature/thumbprint and not both so that i can go ahead with my plans.

at this crucial boiling point, it seems that whatever i do is neither here nor there, neither wrong nor right. sorry..lemme correct this. whatever i do is WRONG!
the world is so noisy out there. i seek and love the peace of my world through the earphones.

-290310-0007

notti in pattaya, bangkok

2010-03-21T00:53:00.002+08:00

notti, how's work in bangkok?
you look fantastic in the pic with a new haircut:)
i've been living my days on your latest updates.
days passed and there are truly some moments when work surpassed you
but nonetheless, my feelings for you did not change the slightest bit.

i feel like im writing to you.haha
these are only my inner thoughts coz there's no way you will know this blog.

some tough days to spend recently...but your words are my motivation.
i can only be happy if this is what you hope i'll be :)
do you know..i listen to no one but you?

-210310-0101

free me!!

2010-03-16T23:13:00.002+08:00

i deliberately choose this time to blog because my parents are asleep, hence i can have the personal space to whine,to grumble,to SHOUT!

there are so many things to do that if one additional thing comes in the way, the workload is gonna overflow.
let me rank according to severity:

1) pre-reg closing date
2) uni preparation work

thats why i was saying, the nearer it is to the end of the month, the more stressed up i am.

i have yet to complete my quota. i plan to meet woody next tuesday on my offday plus i gotta have my 2nd injection at mount elizabeth, so my whole day was fully reserved. so this all means that i must complete my quota before tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you know, i just received my enrolment package from sp. it's ridiculous of them to set the deadline for submission of forms on the end of march while they only post out the packages somewhere in mid-month. what's this? so, i have no choice but to clear my leave to set time aside for medical checkup, photo-taking and submission of documents to sp PERSONALLY.
what's more frustrating are those application forms which are full of words and things to fill in.
just by looking at it tarnish my mood, lest talking about having to read them in detail. it's a torture for a hyperope like me! *poor eye muscles*
i told rena, i mean it is fine if im doing all these for the thing i like. she knows me. i dont like to feel that im forced to do something. i believe that no matter what we face, we must deal with it WHOLE-heartedly. i dont like pressure. i love freedom, freedom to do my own things at my own pace. dont force me, it will backfire. i also told her that this is all carved by cirumstances. im forced by circumstances, but ironically they will lead me to a brighter future. so even if i dont like it, i still gotta do it, JUST DO IT.
i say, this relates to the theory of swimming: hold your breath and you can swim for as long to the final destination. sylvia, hold your breath for 2 years and you'll be out of the water.

tonight after reading through the enrolment package, i almost choked on this invisible pressure. if not for rena who accepted my grumbles, i guess the stress can snowball to its peak.

notti, where are you?i wanna chat with you.

if only i can drink then dance, dance and keep on dancing...DANCE MY BLUES AWAY!

-150310-2352

danger lurks in the water

2010-03-11T00:32:00.002+08:00

complicated.

had 鸳鸯 after lunch.
it sounds so familiar and suddenly i recall 鸳鸯戏水.
my heart wrenched tightly as flashback of memories came charging as lightning bolts.
ouch.
i felt the pain,literally.
notti, why was it you again just when i intend to throw my past back into history?

didnt i say lets keep in touch?
didnt i say we'll be friends?
why do i feel that all connections are seemingly gone?
i've lost touch of you and your world.

in fact i was wrong to think that i could start all over again.
if mr ed cant commit, i dont think i can either.
im still being hauled by our times together.
anyway, you wont understand.

farewell soon, so sad to say goodbyes.

-110310-0055

mona lisa

2010-03-06T23:50:00.002+08:00

life can be interesting.
it could be.
it all boils down to how we design it into a masterpiece, right?
i feel like i've been given a box of crayons.
from bright to dark hues, it seems like i've been using black, white and grey.
it gets boring day by day as the picture i painted looks still and lifeless.
i have a flair of talent for arts but now im just dissatisfied at my own's life portrait.
as i glimpsed at other artpieces, i realised that they can then be considered the centre of admiration.

i am wowed by his life painting while i lament at mine.

-070310- 0138

all the stupid mouths

2010-03-03T00:13:00.002+08:00

人言可畏.

some people speak for gains while some really speak from the heart.
please dont think of me only when you need help.
thanks.

-030310-0019

e.d.i.s.o.n

2010-03-02T01:23:00.003+08:00

mentioning about edison,
we were badly teased by my colleagues today, 真惨!!!!!!!!!

anyway..i want u guys to visualise this.
imagine u are at a wedding banquet over at a chinese restaurant where no waiter (or perhaps slacking somewhere else) dutifully slices the fish for the guests and one of the poor guests had to do the job...
haha isnt that funny?

hey, edison was the poor guy!

but this small lil gesture boosted high marks for himself.
he is so gentleman......*smiles*
and one more thing..
each and everyone of us had a fair share of the sharksfin but there was still leftover somehow.
left with 2 more bowls and guess what.
he gave me the 1st bowl....FIRST BOWL.
of all people, no one but me.
hahahaha.

honestly speaking, im quite touched by what he did today.
it was by right a joyous occassion for the bride, elaine, but it turned out to be an eye-opener towards the oh-so-cool dude edison whom i realise that despite his cold and serious look, there lives a warm-hearted gentleman whom i finally get to see today.

but..(there's always a but).....
i think gary was right.
looks like he's not ready to settle down yet.
he said "not so soon to get married", "have not found the right person yet"....blah blah blah.
k lah..
let him be.
he's always a nice friend with other personality traits i've yet to explore.

rather sweet of him to ask me 2 days ago whether or not i've recovered from my previous illness.
i mean, he still remember this small insignificant stuff?

bro asked me to take leave in march to accompany him to genting with his friends.
if this question was brought up earlier on, i would not hesitate to say yes immediately.
this time round i dont feel the zest of it.
i could have agreed and smsed gary to claim my leave but i dont even have the burning desire to do so.
maybe i dont have the mood for it (which i find it strange) or maybe coz marie cat is going too and i gotta share room with her whom im not even familiar with except the fact the she's my bro's ......... (erm....ahem....)

question marks hanging everywhere.
i change fast.
my decisions change REALLY fast!
i dont know who i really am.

-020310-0146

bf?

2010-02-26T22:56:00.003+08:00

seeing my sisters around me all having a bf/fiance, im hopelessly looking for mine too.
you know, there is this sudden urge to start a relationship but that right person is not around.
i've got my eyes hooked onto him, lips locked into his and heart mingled into his.
he's the one i love but im not the one he loves.
sighs.
sisters are helping me to start afresh but the question is whether or not i am ready and willing to give up.
nottttttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

-260210-2305

CNY,V-day,his bday...

2010-02-14T18:42:00.002+08:00

恭喜发财

Wishing everyone a happy lunar new year!

May you guys be filled with roaring success in your pursuits and blessed with good health, prosperity and happiness.

&...not to forget

Happy Valentine's Day!

May the air be filled with love and opportunities...

notti, enjoy your day...

-140210

double joy

2010-02-11T01:38:00.002+08:00

it's supposed to be double joy today.
first was my successful application into uni and the latter was the sms from notti.

after i hang up the call from UM, the image that i first saw in my mind when i was just about to pick up my phone to share the joyous news, was.....surprisingly notti.

it's not even my dad,mom or bro.
just then i paused and dialed my dad's no. instead.
some things are ridiculously unexplainable.
why am i so anxious to share with him my happy moments?

anyway...perfectionist sylvia would like him to call instead of sms.
i think humans are plain greedy.
even though an sms is good enough to at least hear from him, i thought that his voice will be what i really want to hear.
his tone,his sincerity and his feelings..............................................

hmmm...i could sense and feel that things aren't the same as before.
i guess, a barrier was built on purpose.
to keep me at where i am, in a place that im supposed to be, definitely must be.

good night notti,
my dearest.
ilu.

-110210-0152

i wanna have a KL getaway!

2010-02-08T00:05:00.004+08:00

in front of other people's eyes, i may be a siao ding dong who's crazy about going-to-KL thingy and all day long she hopes and plans for just a short trip there to see notti.
do you guys know that im very serious about it?
i hope that it's not just the words and plain hopes that keep me saint.
i mean it.
lets put it to action, shall we?
i've got the money and passport ready and i'm always on the stand-by mode to fly (hahaha..just like an air-stewardess..)

perhaps....and perhaps maybe some things can be settled once and for all.

i think im sort of prepared for the worst. 3/4 of my heart chides me to let go of everything but the last bit of it conflicts a hopeful and positive ending.
i still hope that one day he will say that he loves me.
it will really be love.....love.
im so sad.
rena and none of my colleagues support me.

you know what?
i wore the blue dress today.
the same as what i've worn on the 1st trip 2nd day when i sent you off.
the MORNING and the day..........................
i will not forget every single detail.
like how u kept my shivering hand in your pocket..
to me, thats my version of pocketful of sunshine.

-080210-0035

sylvia in 2010

2010-02-01T00:16:00.018+08:00

hmm.

it's the last day of the 1st month into the new year.

here are the latest updates of myself in case you've not met me for a long time.

actually im just trying to say that im back to cam-whoring again!

haha :p

i guess this is more sylvia-like.

so..ya.. im back to myself again.

let ya have a last look of me before i do my hair for cny.

stay tuned for my new look

til then...seeya!

*smooches*

-010210-0038

李玖哲 - 爱不需要理由

2010-01-26T22:38:00.003+08:00

哪里能找到永远温暖的拥抱
谁在牵挂着孤单远行疲倦的红娘

哪里能找到受伤时候的依靠
有谁能让我烦恼的事都不再烦恼

爱不需要理由
懂得珍惜就能够拥有
为我敞开的双手

爱不需要理由
懂得珍惜就能够拥有
只有家为我等候

有一种味道能让我想起年少
有一座城堡包容原谅所有的争吵

这爱无法取代不求回报的关怀
原来爱一直都在
原来家一直都在

this is the very first song he sent me.
frankly speaking, i almost forgot all about it
til i searched through my music folder and stumbled upon it.
the melody still warms my heart after all these while :)
i never forget about this song,
notti, have u?
2 yrs plus had flown by...
n i realised that the biggest part of my memory is owned by you.
from the start of a new relationship til it fell through,
you have always been here,
in my heart.

boreddddddddddddd

2010-01-25T00:23:00.004+08:00

off for 2 days.
what am i going to do after i woke up?
eat...and drinks?
suddenly thought of buying a few cans of beer home.

to notti: life without you still goes on, but a lil bored. you once added a splash of colors to my life, yet now you painted it grey again. why?

-250110-0033

A BIG SIGH...............

2010-01-21T00:17:00.003+08:00

things are not so smooth.

1st up, i hate my fringe.

and my friends said it doesnt look nice.

so dead.....

why are changes so hard to be accepted?

nvm.

2ndly, 2 months later i'm going to do something that's against my wish.

lets say if im being accepted tomorrow, i wonder whether or not i will enjoy my days in school.

im beginning to feel the pressure for tomorrow's (err...i mean later's) interview.

edison said think of the future aspects once i graduate from the course.

but but.............

the problem is i dont see them.

my heart feels weird right now.

its no wonder i dont get the kind of anxious anticipation.

2 years will pass very soon.

but 2 years of not being able to do certain things stretches time longer than what it is.

so how am i gonna pass the interview when i cant bring myself to say those heartfelt responses.

u get it? the feel isnt right!!!!!!!!

can i say that im being forced to apply for the degree?

this is then what i truly think.

i know that im not going to stay in this trade forever.

i may set up my own optical/apparel shop, do some voluntary work, be an air-stewardess, join the media industry, be a model etc...........

i like these better manz.........

do these need a degree?

and i thought of notti again.

hmmm..these few days are slightly busier and hence i managed to successfully push him a lil bit further to the back of my brain.

but i happened to see his pic tonight.

it triggered images of him that im trying to hide myself from.

he's offline but silly me still opened the conversation box and guess what?

i typed and backspaced my message.to and fro though i really wanted to tap on "enter".

but once again, so what if i sent out my message.

i know that i wont get a reply.

hmmmm..how to describe it?
message bottle that drift from shore to shore?

from sg shore to kl shore.

its something like that.

-210110-0050

untitled

2010-01-17T23:26:00.002+08:00

sylvia's recommendation for a chill-out song:

Hometown Glory by Adele

coool..i feel as peaceful as ripples on the lake while listening to this song.

especially the beginning melody that calms your nerves if you had a bad day.

coupled with a cup of hot cocoa...THAT WILL BE FANTASTIC!

too bad.no cocoa at home:(

you know, there are some things in our heart that we wish no one would talk about.

take for example the mimosa plant.

once someone touches it, it will just close up by itself.

my fatal accupoint is my teeth.

i dont mind if people asked me how they ended up like this,

i just dont like them to bring this up again.

i mean, know the reason and just shut up.

i dont think that's funny.

it only made me feel embarrassed and inferior.

that's why i dont feel happy on the day when they discussed about the lemons and vinegar thingy.

but i just kept it to myself.

notti..i miss him.

it was through him that i know who adele was.
and the first song was "chasing pavement"
*tears*
do you know what i need most right now?

notti.
a REAL tight hug.

-180110-0021

fallen grace

2010-01-09T00:42:00.006+08:00

and so he replied.

but it came as a tremendous shock to me.
i was happily eating my ooki at the cashier and at the same time checking my hp for any calls or sms.

"1 message from _______________"

ok.

my heart was full of anticipation for his reply.

HOWEVER.............................................................

from his tone, it seems that he blamed me.

i could somehow feel his irritation.

shit.maybe he thought that i pestered him too much and he's 烦.

ok then. i "Get it!"

the instant feeling of fallen grace from heaven to hell......gosh

who can imagine that?

i kept my 2nd ooki.

really no appetite to continue eating.

but i could say that gary was sharp and sensitive to his fellow colleagues.

he sensed that something was wrong with me but of course i didnt tell him what has happened.

he's really stupid.

how can he misunderstood me?

if my motive of going over is not because of him, would i have told him about my plans?

who are you to be informed of my actions if i dont care about u?

if u r just a superficial friend to me, wil i keep asking when you will be free????????????????

get the message right k!

my motive is to look for you and you to be free to accompany me!

do u really think i want to go kl just for shopping sake?

even if i had to pay 100 over bucks just for a single flight to see u, i will not hesitate to.

DO U SEE HOW MUCH U MEAN TO ME?

AND HOW COULD U INDIRECTLY HURT ME IN YOUR SMS?

I DIDNT KNOW MY PAST SMSES IRRITATED U THAT MUCH.

& I EVEN APOLOGIZED TO U...........................

HAVE U CONSIDERED THE KIND OF FEELING I WILL BE GETTING WHEN I READ UR SMS?

NOW IM SO SCARED.

I DONT EVEN DARE TO SMS U ANYMORE.

OUTCOME WILL BE WORST RIGHT?

I HATE MYSELF.

IM SHAMELESS.

I ONLY DO STUFF THAT IRKS PEOPLE.

SYLVIA,

U IRRITATING BRAT!

IF NOT FOR MY PERSISTENT COUGH, I GONNA DRINK AGAIN.

-090110-0120

ducky.monkie

mother fuckers.

our baby in the future?

寂寞

謝佳見 - 謝謝寂寞

finally u heard me, but they are all nothing but hatred-filled.

:(

sunday morning express

1 month break..where should i go?

accurate tarot reading!

notti was here on 24/6/11

notti, you are still the best!

offline msg

me on skateboard

jb cancelled

criticism

happy 36th notti!!!!

kok how and xinyi..so loving~

难道你不想理我了吗？

感慨

everytime i see ur pic i wanna cry.

law

do i need a massage? HELL YES!

fml

2010 xmas

if today is your last day on earth, what will you do?

who is she?

empty

notti and rynn not coming anymore:(

numbed by numbness

family portrait

1728495050337

ugly makeover

maximizer bra

vainpot

tedd and ellice's wedding

deep passion

2 drunkards

efforts all gone down the drain

swollen eyes

Adele - Make You Feel My Love

no more wish

prayers

notti and his last bday wishes

happy 21st bday to me!

what does it mean?

horoscope

gastric pain

~16 ppl ktv

inked like a tattoo.

《拜托小姐》

HATRED

is this a bad omen?

pls come

im broke (fullstop)

mac delivery

45th national day

方炯鑌 壞人

abin

emo to love

Backstreet Boys - Inconsolable

your voice......?

所谓的 “外在美”

chalet

notti,we finally chat like before!

xiao qiang

10th LOCC dinner

notti 会叫我darling吗？？？

tumbling block

what is birthday?

untitled

ipoh horfun

media vs science

我的世外桃园在哪里？

lovehimtothemax

sacred people are just full of shit!

ice kacang puppy love

time vs location

MONGA!

clash of the titans (of my hopes)

方炯鑌壞人