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stories biography escapes archives


the.girl


Im the classic virgoian who believes in perfection. Sometimes people dislike me because they find me acting too cold towards humans. Or maybe they just can't accept my high standards. So, love me or not, u decide.

Screams
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
okok..this gonna be a long post..so just bear with me huh..too many things have happened and its time i vent all my anger.
happy and those not-so-happy stuff happened.according to my style,i shall write about those shit first..good things shall be reserved to be only mentioned in the last part.
UNDESIRABLE
what the hell actually happened to my clique?its broken now.what exactly cause this to happen?can you guys let me have an idea of what actually broke the friendship?who has done wrong?you or me?hey,i feel sucky you know?the feeling is like all of a sudden the world is crumbled to pieces and im still the ignorant one,not aware of what's happening and was stunned by the aftermath.i was hurt.did you guys know that?you all could jolly well form another clique and it seems to me that your new-formed clique is doing very well..what about us?mine is broken..should i feel envious or jealous?sometimes to a certain point,i admit that i do hate you all.what the hell..you know that you cant pass a sentence without substantial evidence,do ya?i felt left out,i surely do.whenever i see you in your new clique,i was wondering why i suddenly became invisible.its really hard for me to blend into your conversations.why?????simply because we do not have any common topic anymore..heck with those girly stuff you talk about.is it that you can only talk about all these among your clique?if i tell you i have something to share,will you even pause for a moment to realise im there,and listen to what ive got to say?c'mon..you all are ignoring my presence.i do my best to be the one who takes initiative to start a topic to get everyone engaged into a conversation and creates more unity among us.i do get tired...do you all even see my effort?sometimes i felt like im a fool.a doggy who tags behind you all.i wanna feel a sense of belonging and i believe that no matter which group one belongs to,we still belong to 02.we are still a class afterall.i mean..ya..we are definitely not enemies but the problem now is that i feel that my presence is not being felt and as though it doesnt matter whether im present or not.it doesnt make any difference huh?i felt dumb having to tag behind your clique,feeling useless that i cant make you all share with me the things you talk about.well..maybe i can take a step back.another step back.and leave you guys alone.i could have left without a trace.you all may not notice too.f****.i really cherish and reminisce those times when we went out together.now?nah.......who wants to interrupt you all?things really changed.so fast that everything happens within a semester.ONLY.
today your actions and words utterly saddened me.it hurts me to the core when i realised that you all seem to have cast me aside.maybe you didnt mean that way.maybe being straightforward and insensitive is your character.im super sensitive to the things you said.during the class,didnt you realise that im doing my best to mingle into your clique and asked questions about where to have dinner etc..i merely wanted to talk to you.but how come you all talk to me as if hoping that a simple answer could shut me up?argh.what the hell.at that moment i felt that im so thick-skinned and shameless.in fact today you all didnt inform me about the meeting venue and time.if i didnt call someone,i guess you all could really went ahead with the course without me.do you take things for granted that i have some sort of magic powers which allow me to read your mind and get the answer on my own?i really know nothing..how come you informed everyone except me?the last part was the heart of madness and fury.oh well,i sure can know that you only want to go out with your clique after that.OKOK..FINE~...didnt you make it clear?i got it.im not part of your clique and im not welcomed.not even having a simple dinner together.i finally understand W's feelings..but surely we can have dinner as a class,cant we?DAMNIT.
DESIRABLE
surely there are some things which make me high.that explains why i have bad moodswings lately.one moment im happy,the other moment im not.here,i wanna give thanks and appreciation to some people.
1st up..*drum roll*....................................... shiseido!!!!!!!!!thanks for the personal makeup course.you guys are fantabulous!thanks for imparting the skills of makeup to us.yea..you turned every girl into a doll tonight.*clap clap*..cheers!my dar said im beautiful..haha..*blush..oh why am i still using a blusher?*haha..thanks to the assistant trainer for explaining every single detail and to that 'white' lady who made my eyelashes curl like those of a barbie doll.i love mascara..yippie.its awesome.thanks shiseido for the free cosmetics and voucher.my mommy and daddy said i looked beautiful tonight.talking about this,after i reached home,my mommy and i went to the coffeshop to buy my dinner.those uncles were like ogling and staring as if they had never seen a woman before.LOL..that's the thing about makeup..it adds glow and radiance to every girl.too bad i didnt bring my camera along.my hp's quality is rather bad..i dont think it will show my curly eyelashes..haha..how nice if i can wear this makeup until tomorrow,but NONONONO..the health of my skin is more important.it needs to breathe yea..
2nd up..my dad..thanks for understanding me FINALLY and allowing me to take that job.
last but not least..dar..thanks for being there for me..especially when im having problems now.i appreciate you for waiting for me this evening and having to shop around orchard to kill time all by yourself.i appreciate you for sending me home in the night.i appreciate you for staying up late having to chat with me on msn,sharing my woes.most importantly,i appreciate and am grateful to you for thinking ways to make me happy like buying me the choc strawberries.i see your kind intentions.you said that each strawberry represents 1/4 happiness and 4 would make a perfect happiness.i cant bear to eat them..you know what?i havent eaten the set meal too.. thanks dar!you reassured me,consoled me....i truly thank you for always be the one who can understand and feel what im feeling inside.you seem to read my thoughts..mwarh..


im so tired..gotta remove my makeup now..getting prepared for a nice sleep.gotta wake up bright and early tomorrow morning..well..nites..good nite.sleep tight.and dont let the bedbugs bite. =)

[never take things for granted ~my daddy]

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