Im the classic virgoian who believes in perfection. Sometimes people dislike me because they find me acting too cold towards humans. Or maybe they just can't accept my high standards. So, love me or not, u decide.
Screams
Thursday, June 29, 2006
argh.frustrating night for me.im roomless again.all thanks to that stupid lizard.i wonder when i can return to my room and sleep on my cosy bed again.maybe a night or two i will be spending my time sleeping in the living room.the weather is very hot i must say and without my aircon i shall be suffering.i sprayed insectiside at the lizard many times but it just didnt die.it dropped from the ceiling and crawled until it disappeared out of my sight.oh gosh! i dont think i trust those modelling agencies with the girls moving around in the streets poaching for potential models.i mean,if these agencies are reputable,they wont be doing such stuff at the first place.i remembered recently i was approached by such people at orchard mrt. once i thought of becoming a model too,but im scared to trust such agencies.ive heard of various unpleasant things about them.moreover that day the girl told me im underage.oops too bad.she's approached the wrong person. im slowly removing monkie outta my head.hope its a good thing.nevertheless his words of motivation and encouragement will always stay with me for i know that he will be a good good friend.yes.a friend is all he can become.i accept life.accept reality and i love it.i guess this is the time ive woke up.its been a long time sleeping,but now i dare to face life again.ive crawled out of the darkness and sprung into the light of beauty.let bygones be bygones.the past is over.now is then the present... being one person by myself may be a good thing..
-290606-2325
Sunday, June 25, 2006
what on earth had i eaten for the past few days?my stomach hurts so badly.or maybe its because i ate irregularly?well,this is the price i have to pay.im listening to julia fordham's "happy ever after".what a nice song title!it paints a beautiful portrait of me and the person i love,living happily together like what it is always mentioned in fairytales.the stories about princes and princesses are fascinating and sweet but in real life i doubt these kind of delusive endings will ever happen.from young,these are only meant to coax us in believing that everything in store for us in this life is great and worth looking forward to.however,as im growing up,i gradually realise how stupid and gullible i was in the past.indeed such tricks had well-working effects on girls especially.as i yearn for such "perfect" love to happen in my life and as i yearn to be the fortunate princess having a prince of her own,i only got more hurt.perhaps these are just dreams to delude myself and which,to ignite the flame of hope within me and keep it burning.but still,as time goes by,i feel that im getting weary of continuing to believe because my vision is becoming blurrer.i could not see the thing which i believe in will happen to me. im getting over monkie but at least keeping him as a friend though.just as he's about to leave my mind,its sad to say another comes in.its like the door is opened for monkie to get out,but it seems that another visitor has entered and he's about to stay for a moment. even before i want to be committed and rectifying the problem in my head,i just wish to avoid it and pretend that the feeling has never gotten me.whats wrong with me?why do i have such feelings?im so confused.what does it mean?
[my heart is in a mess.my mind is wavering.i am trapped in a whirpool of weird feelings.oh gosh.]
-250606-2019
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
see...i was very wet even after changing.the 3rd person from my right(guy) is casper.the friendly ghost.these are the yr-yr2 OCs.except for casper.more photos will be uploaded into webshots.keep checking...i love them guys.....
our efforts finally paid off.yesterday's PTN was such a success.well done everyone! the weather in the morning was quite bad.it was raining and was very windy.fortunately the rain ended fast and the weather throughout the day was rather cloudy and cooling.although we did not see the sun,a little sunray is comforting enough.everyone gathered at harbourfront mrt station.ac and i brought the first batch of people over to sentosa.poor shimin and i had to take the tram back to the beach station to meet casper they all.but we enjoyed the long tram ride nevertheless.everything was rather smooth-sailing,except for alex's group which ended up playing volleyball in the end.the thing i enjoyed most was the waterbomb game.it seems that after getting wet,everyone's mood became high.geting high was nothing to casper.from the time i saw him in the morning,he was very high and hyper all the way and he wanted to make us feel that too.a good leader indeed.shimin and i enjoyed throwing waterbombs at alex.haha....when shimin and i were playing captain's ball,we let our guards down.alex and gang were already standing by at the side and after the game ended,the whole gang throwed waterbombs at us.we had our revenge too.we walked to alex's station and ta-dang~he's wet!im already quite wet. later me,casper and shimin went to the final destination which was the sunset bay.we made our very own orange lemon biscuit tea.in fact we bought lemon tea big gulp from the 7-11 and drank about 3/4 of it.idiot casper made us drank most of it until me and shimin were frantically looking for toilet.so ya..........the tea making started.we smashed the stick biscuits into crumbs and added into the tea.next me and shimin peeled the orange skin and added them inside too.the last thing was squashing the orange with our hands.oh my god!later casper said that my nails were too nice to do such job.what the........so we mixed them well.it didnt really tasted gross but the sight was disgusting.so this was the punishment for the losing team. everything ended.its fun time for the organising committee.ac and gang planned to make a "whitening" mask with the flour and seawater and decided to play a prank on casper.in the end everyone got a fair share.thanks to casper man............he chased me with the dough and spread it onto my hair and hands.the rest got it too.thanks man..............we love you!i love you!the mask hardens and it was damn difficult to wash it off.that's not the end.casper scooped water with the pail scooper and splashed water on everyone of us.shit him.i was soaked!!!!!!!!!!!!!from head to toe.i did not bring extra lingerie,shampoo and soap k.......only have extra clothes.in the end my hair all entangled and even when we were leaving the place,my hair had those headlice-looking dough.so ugly!!!and i was so embarrassed when casper kept making fun of me in the bus......argh!i spent half an hour to wash my hair.it finally regained its healthy state.phew..... it was fun.if had to rate it,i will give it 10/10.yep.......and i love the dog tag alot!very meaningful and memorable. [to the OCs:i love you guys.though we were wet and dirty,we love it right?yay..keep cool and happy...mwarh.]
-210606-1335
Sunday, June 18, 2006
finally..after 8 long weeks since school started,a familiar and interesting topic is covered in math.my interest in math is back again.the past 8 weeks of math was nothing but a bore to everyone,especially to me.in class,i will either be scribbling on my notes,knowing nuts about what the lecturer is talking about,or i will be staring blankly at her.some other things i did in class include drawing "animals" on my notes,drawing smileys on my friends' notes,popping sweets as if ecstasy to increase my concentration level.i couldnt help but letting my mind and heart drifting further and further away from the classroom to my own wonderland.i did my best to stay focused and awake by gulping mouthful by mouthful of plain water because it can keep me hydrated and hence,more alert.what do i get in the end?shit like bloatedness.its not that i hate math.i love it.but a particular topic turns me off.it is graphs.oh my god.of course i wouldnt expect the level of standard in this topic to be the same as how it was taught in secondary school.it is like up the difficulty level as we go on.listening to the lecturer,i'd rather study on my own.geez.she just rattled on and on and the whole lecture was so damn boring and lifeless.i think it is her tonality that create this kind of atmosphere.her tone was mono-tone.in the end it got us students to become stones.lab session was no better either.we just followed what she did.click everything as instructed.in between when the session really got meaningless,playfulness got us.some of us either chatted on msn,logging in to friendster,or busy enjoying and giggling about the video clips in youtube.all these are the usual things we will do,to get our mind connected back to soul again.now,indices is the next topic.yay~at least this kinda of topic im more interested in because it can never fail to earn my full concentration.though my skill does get rusty over time,im polishing it up once again.i want to make it shine shine shine!!!!it seems that other than math alone,other modules' topics are getting more and more interesting,at least to say that ive learnt them before so i wont get so lost along the way.
[to monkie:ive picked the thing i want.and i will strive for excellence.trust me:)]
-180606-2040
Friday, June 16, 2006
when you have to choose between friends and your lover,its difficult yea?perhaps we can still have them both,but no matter what,one party will be disadvantaged.often when we fall in love,we will promise our friends that we will never neglect them and no matter how much reassurance they gave you,you will always know that friends will be on a losing end.does it mean that friendship cannot hold a candle to love?when one is madly in love and indulges in the sweet feeling of being loved,i doubt friends matter to them.well,this may not always be the case.however this is what i thought.like i said,one party will have to sacrifice and friends are the ones.this is not about being jealous of your friend's new-found lover nor whining like a little kid seeking for attention.deep down,yes,we feel happy for our friend and its not easy for him/her to balance the time perfectly(we are not gods........).nevertheless,there is this tiny bit feeling of neglection in us.for those who love,their love is all that they see.true?it seems as if the entire universe revolves around the lovebirds only. i fear that one day i will behave in the same way,then when i am dedicating my time to my love,my poor friends may be wondering when i can leave some time for them.love is blind.is that true?
[friends are also the ones that make up quite a fair bit in our lives.please dont deny their existence after your love has appeared.spare a kind thought for them.friends are human afterall.they need to be reassured time after time.whatever time you are spending with your love,friends need some too.just a bit.not too greedy yea?] -160606-2219
sometimes i wonder,is using chopsticks to eat chicken chop the trend in the century?is it unique or it is silly?what about this?you can test out eating roti prata with chopsticks too!cool?i think it is purely a comical sight to all.isnt it ugly when you have to stuff the whole piece of chicken or a flour thingy into your mouth?so unsightly..hell with it. yesterday i went out with serena to great world city for our shopping.its been some time since we last went out.really reminisce those moments together.like what ive always believed and said,it does not matter where we go or what we do,but is who we are enjoying the moments with.when i was making payment at the esprit store,i came across a girl who is about 3-4 years old.oh my god,what a spoilt brat she was.she was crying all the time and making a whole lot of noise.oh goodness,its so noisy!!!!!!!!!!her mother and sister were unable to control her.she's such a pain in the neck.even her sister scolded her for being irritating.what did she want exactly?it seemed that she wants everything.even when i left the store,i could still hear her crying.i guess she's too young to understand the art of shopping and the philosophy behind it.damn it,shoppers need a peace of mind to enjoy their shopping.i guess its the upbringing of the family that results in how she behaves.judging by how her mother spent in the store(mind you,esprit stuff is by no means cheap.),you can roughly assume that they must have come from a well-to-do family.i think that can explain why the little girl is so spoilt. [bring a masking tape if possible yea?]
-160606-2153
You Should Learn Chinese
Surprised? You shouldn't be - Chinese is perfect for an ambitious person like you.
You're a natural entrepreneur, and a billion people are waiting to do business with you!
You're less prone to obsessive thoughts than the rest of the world... While you do get hung up from time to time, you're excellent at clearing your mind.
You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.
oh my,oh my...........iceman is my superhero!i simply like him.he's as cool as ice.just the type of guy i like.i like cyclops too=)
being a piece of ice is not a bad thing either.just a little bit of attitude,thats all.thats what i called cool~be ice and everything's alright.oh yea.......
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
last night as i watched ch8's "rhapsody in blue",there was this particular scene where it is filmed at max brenner.when i saw those shelves,i instantly recognised that it was the chocolate bar.thumbs up for the chocolate fondue!!!!!it was simply mouth-watering.in the scene,the actor and actress were savouring the chocolates.what a joy it can be!ahah.i remember those chocolates too because there was once when i was really tempted to buy them.i saw those chocolates on their website i think and i actually wanted to buy them for a special occasion.the thing that makes the chocolates so special is the design on it.imagine this.they look so yummy yet because of their unique designs,you cant bear to eat them.hahaahahaha.i did not buy them eventually because it was too expensive.if im not wrong,it comes in boxes of about 9-10 and each and every piece of chocolate costs about $2.so i guess its not worth to buy them.oh well. i saw this particular mercedes-benz ad.it says something about TIME.though right now i couldnt really remember the exact words,they caught my attention at first.TIME is a limiting factor.agree?TIME is essential yet it is never enough for us to make up for the things we had done wrong. looking through my house's window,i saw a lonely figure of an old man wanting to cross the road.i remember him.he used to go to market with his wife.now that his wife has passed away,the poor old man was left alone.they are a loving couple even till old age.that is the envy of everyone,including me,i think.yeah.you will see them holding hands and giving support to each other as if it traces back to their past courtship.awww..so sweet.i didnt really know them actually.but being friendly people,both of them especially the old man,will tell me to study hard and stuff whenever i met them.yeah...it was encouraging.talking about today,the poor old man was walking really slowly,mincing his steps to walk to the side of the road.he was holding a walking stick.i guess he's already in his 80s or 90s. with a partner gone forever,i guess he has someone less to love him,support him and to accompany him.i really wonder whether they have any children because everytime i will only see the old couple going out,with no one accompanying them. [when our beloved dies,will we have the urge to die with them too?to live or to follow,what is the ultimate decision we will make when our hearts are mourning with grief and sorrow?]
-140606-1513
Monday, June 12, 2006
i finally saw summer.shes so cute.the lil puppy girl.this was the first time i touched a dog and stroked its fur.dumb me realised that dogs have body temperature too.LOL.at first when i saw her,i admit that im quite afraid of it.its contradicting that i love dogs yet im scared of them.the thing is im scared of their licking.its so gross.though today summer didnt lick me,she was all the time sniffing me.initially i was quite uncomfortable about it but in the end,im ok with it.its the dog's nature.the only thing i havent done is to carry her,just like how i havent carried babies.im scared to carry those little critters because i feel that they are so fragile and what if i accidentally let go of them.i watched summer curdling up in a small corner,sleeping.she was smart not to sleep on the lil mattress which was prepared for her.she preferred the floor because it was cooling.smart girl!my fear for dogs ended today.but if i encounter a huge one,well,i may not dare to approach it.HAHA.fats are irritating.our stupid human biochemistry project.so confusing...geez. i gotta agree that monkie's words are empowering and can wake up our senses.i just feel that his words is my source of motivation and power.its amazing how his words can unleash such a powerful force.i remembered myself scoring 40 for L1R5 last year for mid-year exams.this was no joke man...especially when the real battle lies not far away from it.after monkie came,i felt tremendously motivated to study.my consecutive results proved everything.im not being proud here.all i wanna say is that in life,there is someone called a gui4 ren2.some people met that person already while some havent.im glad that ive met mine.but of course,my hard work paid well too. [to monkie:i will never look back.i choose my own path and i understand that no matter how tedious the journey may get,i will keep on progressing.no regrets.just like my current situation.i suffer setbacks but i swear that never ever had i doubt my decision before.] [life is a game.you got to choose and make your own rules,and you play them well and flawlessly.the chip of victory is determined by our own hands.] -120606-2259
Sunday, June 11, 2006
oh great!ive finally completed A&P's essay on smoking.woooHOooo one project down.felt alot of satisfaction man....of the 7 things to do,left only 4 more to complete.actually all these can be completed quite fast.the only and common problem is to find the time for the group members to meet.everyone has their own schedule.me too.but it seems that im quite free all the time,which means that i can do projects anytime i want.how i wish everything can be done as swift as a blink in the eye.then i can have plenty of time for revision.there really isnt free time for me.no time to play because i have to set aside those time for the more important things like studies.frankly speaking,i havent do my holiday shopping.its the great singapore sale yet i havent seen anything with those crazily-slashed prices.i want to do shopping!!!!!!!!!!!though i have no money to buy things,i just want to be part of the crowd,immersing in that kind of crazy atmosphere.its so goddamn action-packed......haha..we rush and grab whatever its cheap and affordable,like half-priced stuff.in the end,our hands will be holding onto bags and bags of shopping goods.its rather scary though.its as if everything is free of charge and theres no wrong in spending.or should i say splurging????c'mon..by the end of the day,we are still burning a big hole in our pockets.then whats the difference of having a sale and not having it?if sales can make people go hay-wired and out of control in their spending,then we are really the fools.shoppers often embrace the coming of such annual sales but who ever knows that we are actually falling into its seducing trap?especially girls who went ga-ga when they heard that great singapore sales is coming,i can understand their mindset.yes its true that such mega sales is hard to come by and it only occurs about twice in a year,but i feel that people ought to practise more control i n their spending.do some wealth management perhaps? i must do more window-shopping to control myself.i must not fall for retail therapy.see but cannot buy.HAHA.and if this fails,i must change my strategy.perhaps get a shopping partner who will discourage me from buying unnecessary things by telling me how bad the products are.if not..i can do something like not bringing my atm card with me.oh yea.its awesome!at most you will see me squatting by the roadside crying like a mad beggar.what a sight!hahahahahaha.crazy me=.= its holiday.but i dont feel the kick of it.its worldcup too.i didnt subscribe to that scv channel.so i missed a few matches earlier on.i think my bro's gonna subscribe now.for me.so touched.......its abit late though.i missed the england's match.never mind,guess the match last night was not as exciting too.england won 1-0.thanks to the own-goal.so sad.must depend on that goal to win the match.hope that oncoming matches will not disappoint me and make that scv channel subcription be worthwhile.
-110606-2318
Saturday, June 10, 2006
i realised that passerby has no name for herself.so sad.a person with no name or identity is like living in this earth with no purpose.perhaps i should say wasting her life that is given to her.oh ya..i learnt that a person must be responsible for what he/she did.that applies to me too and i know my mistake.HAHA same goes to passerby who commits the same mistake.she CHOOSES to hide her real identity and uses a fake name to cover up what she has done.if she CHOOSES to do a particular thing,shouldnt she be proud of it?shouldnt she use her BEAUTIFUL name alongside with the BEAUTIFUL thing she did?obviously in this case,she dare not use her name to account for the UGLY thing she did.that must be what she thought.o.O 'cause it must have been shameful for her i think. by looking at her comment,i was wondering whether i am an attention seeker.hmmm..............such CATCHY comment is worth to ponder about.if not,i will be letting the author down by not doing what she wanted me to do.ok back to attention seeking.if thats what she thinks of me,then so be it.if other people come to tell me how im acting in front of them,i will also welcome their comment.im open to such stuff.so no worries about it.as for my true character,only the ones who are close to me understand it best.i have a few friends,i admit.but im FORTUNATE to say that these are my best friends.what determines popularity is not by the number of friends you have.if you have many friends,it doesnt mean that all of them are your true friends.agree?be honest with yourself.the few best friends every one have are enough to make up what is called friendship.a friendship will not be a real one if the so-called friends you have only know your name and etc and not knowing the real soul within yourself.quite pathetic yea? to passerby:i love you for giving frank comments.god bless. [friendship is understanding you and me.]
-100606-1217
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
only some of you know about my current situation.do you actually know that im bursting inside?both imploding and exploding.everything all comes together to create a torturous feeling.stress and loss of my valuable possession.ive gained and lost some things.i lost my precious "baby" and what have i gained?nothing but a earful of scoldings and cold looks by my dad.can you imagine?he is giving me the get-lost look as if its to an enemy.thats true actually.he did tell me to get away from him.i know its my fault and i can understand why he's so angry.his hard-earnt money to buy the "baby" for me is wasted as i had lost it.its normal that he will feel the pinch in his heart.why must that idiot fella take my thing?(to put it in a nicer term)didnt his parents teach him that taking other people's things without permission is wrong?how could he???!!! im feeling really low and depressed.my mind contains many many things.projects,academic stuff,failing of test,loss of my "baby",my dad..........ARGH.im going crazy!really afraid to sink into depression.im also a victim.how come no one understands that?i have feelings too.damn it.its not about money loss,its about the feeling of losing something.i can feel the heartache man...as for stress,my approach is to take one step at a time.clear one thing by one thing slowly.i began wondering why do i wake up every morning.to complete projects?to study?to play?to explore the world of different human nature?to get hurt and cheated along the way?i have the feeling of suffocation right now,making it so difficult to catch a breathe of fresh air.my head is so 'heavy' now.thinking im getting a fever.my body temperature today is quite high.highest is 37.7....im feeling extremely terrible.oh gosh. [some people are SMART to seize opportunities.but they use it in the WRONG way.]
shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt WHAT THE FUCK let me find out who's that bastard,he's gonna die hard. i'll make sure you not only get expelled also to hand you to the police. of all the people you choose to play around with me. you will REGRET! %^*(@%^&* -060606-1937
yesterday some of our class people went back to school for senior's FYP.ken asked me to take temperature of them.that pseudo was the first one whom i take temperature.oh my god!he was so scared of me.c'mon..ive done such work before.have some faith in me man....in the end ruth and me had fever.hers is 37.4 and mine is 37.2....not surprising at all for me..my classmates said that im hot.my body temperature will always remain at this kind of level.dont know why either.maybe im WARM-blooded.but i dont feel sick at all....weird.ken took the measurement of our tear prism.i also dont know whats that.my tear prisms for both eyes are 0.2 on each side.quite high...other people are usually o.1....does that mean i cry more?LOL....that machine was so bright.after that part was completed,my vision became dark.....the later part was even funnier.the machine allows us to look at our own eyes.so cool....that indian senior used a cottonbud to lift up my eyelid.he's so gentle..not pain or what....for sihui,she felt uncomfortable about it...haha.the indian senior and edmund senior said that i was the best patient and can get the best patient award.LOL.yea indeed. yy has always hit the nail in my heart.yep until now i still cant forget him and how long am i gonna wait????must i really set a time for it?will it make a difference?if i set 6 months,then after that does it mean that i will be able to forget him?what if i set time as eternity?im so dumb.im so lost.sometimes i hate and doubt myself too.im the only one suffering now.he does not know.and if he knows,he will not be bothered either.he's lucky and happy enough to have found his queen.yet ive fallen in love with someone else's king.i feel so damn out of place.gorgor told me the similar thing about setting a time for this.i remembered him telling me on iag1 booster session.i cried. i dont understand.maybe my mr right has long appeared in my life but its just that i didnt notice him?is that really the case?ive always said that i havent found the right one.or is it because i havent learnt to let go and still hang on,that cause me to refuse anyone to gain entry into my life?im shutting everyone off.i know that.because my heart is fully reserved for monkie.going at this rate,will i stay single forever?even though i may say no but who knows?if i keep on being so foolish.what will happen when im old?will i be a single pathetic soul with no one to accompany me to walk through this journey of life to the end?i totally have no feelings for other guys man...i really dont feel like falling in love.if i really do so,my partner can only be monkie.but thats IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i enjoyed my sleep last night.ive always had this habit of talking in my sleep.since young.haha.thats why im so afraid of revealing any secrets unknowingly in my sleep.perhaps due to stress in school and other problemsm,sleep-talk is what i needed most.its kinda funny.its like after talking for some time,then you realise that you actually sleep-talk.then you still want to continue talking.KNOWINGLY.thats me.last night sleeping halfway through i realised that im sleep-talking,yet i continued.this morning when i woke up,i felt better.because ive voiced out some of my unhappiness last night.ive cried.ive shouted.ive used vulgarities?!oh ya..i scold people too!hahahaha......... [in life,everyone needs companionship.true?] [for couples in love,time is eternity.]
-060606-0936
Monday, June 05, 2006
monkey's characteristic and nature is that they are smart,witty and adorable.by watching this video,i totally agree that monkeys are just as smart as humans. monkie is another clever monkey.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
last evening i met suat hoon at red hill mrt station.we actually planned to go ahead with our prata day at tg pagar area.in the end we went somewhere else as we decided to ask grace and cindy along.nevertheless we went to tg pagar first.i returned money to gorgor.after that suat hoon was so fascinated with the climb adventure thingy.well,this did not have any effect on me.whats with the hype about rockclimbing?perhaps im a non-sporty person so ya...i just see and get on with it.the exception was suat hoon.oh my god,she was so excited about it and sounded serious about getting a 1-day certificate.she asked me whether im interested or not.sorry,im not.HAHA.....but if there's a course training beginners to become amatuers in pool,then you will see the adrenaline rush in me.seriously speaking,outdoor activities are just not for me.we met grace and cindy at yishun mrt station and went to a nearby coffeeshop for dinner.we ordered 1 sardine mutabak,1chicken mutabak,2 egg pratas and a plate of rojak.sounds fattening ya?definitely.i just have to be more disciplined in doing exercises to burn away the calories.the rojak auntie was funny.among the four of us,she could distinctively recognise me only.i guess that was because i was wearing a purple shirt while the rest were wearing either white or black.in such situations,its good to be outstanding sometimes.LOL.just like what danny said,even if we are bananas,we must also be the most outstanding ones.yea yea.but come to think of it,sometimes being outstanding is not a good thing either.it attracts unwanted attention.i face this all these while.its not that i dress scantily or what,i just notice that other people are staring at me.in the past i was very shy and i kept looking down to avoid any eye contact with those people.now,i heck care.diao mi diao~see la..i dont care.the similar thing happened last night when i was inside the mrt with suat hoon.she told me that 3 guys were staring at me.i knew that.but just cant be bothered with it.KAOZ......do they know that its rude to stare at other people???????i hate such attention and i dont need them. initially i thought of playing pool at the safra after dinner.however,i dropped the idea when suat hoon said that pool was meant for pai gia(gangsters).....i totally disagree.i must rebut this statement.in CRS,this is called generalisation and slippery slope.pool is just a game like any other.it can be a family game as well and ive seen it before.the only thing is that ah bengs tend to hang around there.ah bengs are human too.but their presence doesnt mean that pool is a bad game whatsoever right?every single game has its own worth.same as pool.it trains us in accuracy shooting and thinking and planning skills.having said that,whats so bad about it?same as rockclimbing,its worth is that it builds up self-confidence and courage.[games are useful,only if we can see their worth.] [to monkie:i went to training centre but didnt see you.you were not there.wasted...what if the person who came out of the training room with gorgor was you?]
-040606-1706
Friday, June 02, 2006
i sometimes wonder whats the use of holidays when the workload is so damn heavy.perhaps the good thing about holidays is that we can wake up later and have more time for our outside friends.fuck la...i got so many things to do over the holidays.everytime it seems so meaningless to me.now there isnt any difference either.loads and loads of work are crushing down on me as if the whole sky gonna crumbles.i seriously and really feel the stress.apart from doing projects i must also set aside some time for self revision.AS IF TIME IS PLENTY~go to hell la. heres the list of what to complete by holidays: 1)Critical Reasoning Skills essay for part a 2)Critical Reasoning Skills project(discussion cafe) 3)Human Biochemistry project(presentation) 4)Human Biochemistry project(essay) 5)Anatomy & Physiology project(essay) 6)Analytical & Physical Chemistry(report writing) 7)IDEAS project thats not the end.next week is e-learning week.not as if its early holiday for us.still must study online and do those online quizzes.thats still okay.i can cope.
-020606-2349
yawnz..so tired now..gonna turn in quite soon.these few days i felt really tired.wonder whether it is because of those tests and projects that are causing me to feel this way.fatigue seems to get me.is it that im lacking vitamin b in my diet?for quite a few nights ive slept for about 11-13 hrs but nevertheless,its still not enough for me.no matter how long ive slept,i still want more.thats why i always say that i wish to sleep forever.maybe now is not the right time yet.i will definitely have this opportunity when i die because i can sleep for as long as i want,with no grumbles and complaints whatsoever.now i shall just move on with the passing days and months and years while the clock is ticking its every second,every minute and every hour.just bear through it though time indeed passes quite slowly at this moment in time for me. as i reflect what i did for today,i confessed for being a naughty girl.i pon IDEAS for a reason.miss phoon's lesson ended at 3pm,then i quickly rushed down to crescent in a cabbie.if the security guard there could have bits and pieces of memory of me,he would be scratching his head wondering why this ex-crescentian kept coming back.does she love the school so much that even though she has graduated,she will come back now and then.actually i went back today purely because to attend the booster session.the main purpose was to catch a glimpse of monkie.i reached at 3.15pm or so and the booster ended at 4pm.45 minutes of looking at monkie is definitely not enough but i must feel contented and grateful that i did get to see him today.i hid in the control room with the help of suat hoon.she "smuggled" me in.looking through the black tinted glass window,i could only secretly look at monkie.watching him train is one great joy in my life.i did not want to let him see me because i fear that i will give him the impression that im crazy.a lunatic fella.liking someone means that even if i can only see him for a while,it will bring joy to my heart.though the time today was short,i treasure it alot.as for playing truant for my lesson,i did not regret it.i will only regret if i miss the chance today.'cause i miss him dearly so.by the way mr mok's lesson is just another laughing session.in that case i'd rather see monkie and listen to his jokes.its killing two birds with a stone!well done.i really wish to open that window when i was in the control room.really tempted to see him directly in the light and not in darkness.oh ya..suat hoon told me that monkie mentioned about me to my juniors when i had not reached yet.he said that theres one girl from crescent who scored 7 points but chose to go to poly.he also said that well its my choice and hope.HAHA..so happy!he remembered me.remember that i exist in this world.so this is something that is worth to be happy about for today.at least monkie understood me and did not even ask me why i didnt choose to go to jc instead unlike what others did,who kept throwing shit stuff at me and made my mind wavers. [to monkie:thanks.you did not pressurise me and instead, you knew my goal.=)i promise you that i will give my 100% in my studies and persevere to the end.although now im not exactly doing quite well in my studies,i promise you that i will buck up and not to disappoint you.i want to let you see a SYLVIA who reaches her goal ultimately and leaves no regret for the choice she made.] i failed my genopt just as expected,but not too badly.there are 7 failures.so sad.chris ng told me that "sylvia,you must spend more time studying.."yeah..more CHAIRTIME must be spent.how could i miss out those parts about proving questions in my lecture notes?i took them down yet i did not study them well.alright mr chris,i promise you too that i will spend more time in your genopt.weird.i did not exactly feel very sad over my failure.no doubt that im a little disappointed about being the minority who fails as compared to the majority who scored 70% and above,i told myself that ive done my best.(for the parts that i covered during revision).the fact is,to be honest,the best is yet to come.i could have performed better and give a better "best".whats the use of regretting now?????the test is over so all i can do now is to buck up and do well for the next test.i admit that im competitive in nature.well in real life who doesnt?its all about competition for survival in today's world.fortunately,the good things today(about monkie) balanced out the sad things(results).it should attain a neutral mood but im more hyper to the happy stuff nevertheless.HEES.
-020606-2314
Thursday, June 01, 2006
im back from the movie thingy..da vinci code was superb,though it had alot of twists and turns in between that made my head spins with it.in conclusion,it is a movie worth watching.talking about the dinner,it is very simple indeed.that's why its free.its just jumbo hotdog+popcorns+coke.yup.thats all.its the sweetness of the popcorns that made us full.or else i think i can go for supper later. a&p test was peanuts.haha....anyway ive done my best.im not being proud here but rather feeling glad that ive done my best and put in enough effort in my revision. ac gave me a shock just now in msn.he confessed to me.actually all the while i know how he feels for me,but i pretend nothing happens and wish my assumption is wrong.me myself hates rejection and i also hate the feeling of rejecting other people.i know how it feels.it sucks.but some truth is meant to hurt nevertheless.that's life for everyone.ac knows that i like someone else and he expects the outcome already,so this is why he's been keeping these words from me all along.i feel awkward.we will surely meet everyday during lectures.hah.if someone likes me,i will avoid that person alot.as for ac,i dont want to end the friendship.so ya...treat him normally as a friend.its more wise. i finally got back my smile from monkie.so happy~~~when i saw "new message" in friendster,i eagerly opened my inbox to see whether its him.true enough,its him.my prayer is heard.i feel more energetic now as if there is more power to charge in my life.i was so happy that i teared just now.just feel very touched with the feeling as if someone consoles me and ya....too happy for words.let the tears do the job. [to monkie:i will surely come down to visit akltg again.no worries.i miss the place alot.and you of course.last met you 28 days ago.its been almost a month.im missing you hellishly alot and alot.]
-010606-0059
She's that girl
HATES!
-LIZARDS
-players
-unreasonable toots
-almond
-going for morning class
-being treated as transparent
LOVES <3
-baking
-cosmetics
-boozing (w/o getting a heavy head!)
-people who dote on me
-acts of service
Not looking anymore other than a stupid notti.
hey, if you know me well enough, i bet you'd LOVE ME!
argh.frustrating night for me.im roomless again.all thanks to that stupid lizard.i wonder when i can return to my room and sleep on my cosy bed again.maybe a night or two i will be spending my time sleeping in the living room.the weather is very hot i must say and without my aircon i shall be suffering.i sprayed insectiside at the lizard many times but it just didnt die.it dropped from the ceiling and crawled until it disappeared out of my sight.oh gosh! i dont think i trust those modelling agencies with the girls moving around in the streets poaching for potential models.i mean,if these agencies are reputable,they wont be doing such stuff at the first place.i remembered recently i was approached by such people at orchard mrt. once i thought of becoming a model too,but im scared to trust such agencies.ive heard of various unpleasant things about them.moreover that day the girl told me im underage.oops too bad.she's approached the wrong person. im slowly removing monkie outta my head.hope its a good thing.nevertheless his words of motivation and encouragement will always stay with me for i know that he will be a good good friend.yes.a friend is all he can become.i accept life.accept reality and i love it.i guess this is the time ive woke up.its been a long time sleeping,but now i dare to face life again.ive crawled out of the darkness and sprung into the light of beauty.let bygones be bygones.the past is over.now is then the present... being one person by myself may be a good thing..
-290606-2325
Sunday, June 25, 2006
what on earth had i eaten for the past few days?my stomach hurts so badly.or maybe its because i ate irregularly?well,this is the price i have to pay.im listening to julia fordham's "happy ever after".what a nice song title!it paints a beautiful portrait of me and the person i love,living happily together like what it is always mentioned in fairytales.the stories about princes and princesses are fascinating and sweet but in real life i doubt these kind of delusive endings will ever happen.from young,these are only meant to coax us in believing that everything in store for us in this life is great and worth looking forward to.however,as im growing up,i gradually realise how stupid and gullible i was in the past.indeed such tricks had well-working effects on girls especially.as i yearn for such "perfect" love to happen in my life and as i yearn to be the fortunate princess having a prince of her own,i only got more hurt.perhaps these are just dreams to delude myself and which,to ignite the flame of hope within me and keep it burning.but still,as time goes by,i feel that im getting weary of continuing to believe because my vision is becoming blurrer.i could not see the thing which i believe in will happen to me. im getting over monkie but at least keeping him as a friend though.just as he's about to leave my mind,its sad to say another comes in.its like the door is opened for monkie to get out,but it seems that another visitor has entered and he's about to stay for a moment. even before i want to be committed and rectifying the problem in my head,i just wish to avoid it and pretend that the feeling has never gotten me.whats wrong with me?why do i have such feelings?im so confused.what does it mean?
[my heart is in a mess.my mind is wavering.i am trapped in a whirpool of weird feelings.oh gosh.]
-250606-2019
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
see...i was very wet even after changing.the 3rd person from my right(guy) is casper.the friendly ghost.these are the yr-yr2 OCs.except for casper.more photos will be uploaded into webshots.keep checking...i love them guys.....
our efforts finally paid off.yesterday's PTN was such a success.well done everyone! the weather in the morning was quite bad.it was raining and was very windy.fortunately the rain ended fast and the weather throughout the day was rather cloudy and cooling.although we did not see the sun,a little sunray is comforting enough.everyone gathered at harbourfront mrt station.ac and i brought the first batch of people over to sentosa.poor shimin and i had to take the tram back to the beach station to meet casper they all.but we enjoyed the long tram ride nevertheless.everything was rather smooth-sailing,except for alex's group which ended up playing volleyball in the end.the thing i enjoyed most was the waterbomb game.it seems that after getting wet,everyone's mood became high.geting high was nothing to casper.from the time i saw him in the morning,he was very high and hyper all the way and he wanted to make us feel that too.a good leader indeed.shimin and i enjoyed throwing waterbombs at alex.haha....when shimin and i were playing captain's ball,we let our guards down.alex and gang were already standing by at the side and after the game ended,the whole gang throwed waterbombs at us.we had our revenge too.we walked to alex's station and ta-dang~he's wet!im already quite wet. later me,casper and shimin went to the final destination which was the sunset bay.we made our very own orange lemon biscuit tea.in fact we bought lemon tea big gulp from the 7-11 and drank about 3/4 of it.idiot casper made us drank most of it until me and shimin were frantically looking for toilet.so ya..........the tea making started.we smashed the stick biscuits into crumbs and added into the tea.next me and shimin peeled the orange skin and added them inside too.the last thing was squashing the orange with our hands.oh my god!later casper said that my nails were too nice to do such job.what the........so we mixed them well.it didnt really tasted gross but the sight was disgusting.so this was the punishment for the losing team. everything ended.its fun time for the organising committee.ac and gang planned to make a "whitening" mask with the flour and seawater and decided to play a prank on casper.in the end everyone got a fair share.thanks to casper man............he chased me with the dough and spread it onto my hair and hands.the rest got it too.thanks man..............we love you!i love you!the mask hardens and it was damn difficult to wash it off.that's not the end.casper scooped water with the pail scooper and splashed water on everyone of us.shit him.i was soaked!!!!!!!!!!!!!from head to toe.i did not bring extra lingerie,shampoo and soap k.......only have extra clothes.in the end my hair all entangled and even when we were leaving the place,my hair had those headlice-looking dough.so ugly!!!and i was so embarrassed when casper kept making fun of me in the bus......argh!i spent half an hour to wash my hair.it finally regained its healthy state.phew..... it was fun.if had to rate it,i will give it 10/10.yep.......and i love the dog tag alot!very meaningful and memorable. [to the OCs:i love you guys.though we were wet and dirty,we love it right?yay..keep cool and happy...mwarh.]
-210606-1335
Sunday, June 18, 2006
finally..after 8 long weeks since school started,a familiar and interesting topic is covered in math.my interest in math is back again.the past 8 weeks of math was nothing but a bore to everyone,especially to me.in class,i will either be scribbling on my notes,knowing nuts about what the lecturer is talking about,or i will be staring blankly at her.some other things i did in class include drawing "animals" on my notes,drawing smileys on my friends' notes,popping sweets as if ecstasy to increase my concentration level.i couldnt help but letting my mind and heart drifting further and further away from the classroom to my own wonderland.i did my best to stay focused and awake by gulping mouthful by mouthful of plain water because it can keep me hydrated and hence,more alert.what do i get in the end?shit like bloatedness.its not that i hate math.i love it.but a particular topic turns me off.it is graphs.oh my god.of course i wouldnt expect the level of standard in this topic to be the same as how it was taught in secondary school.it is like up the difficulty level as we go on.listening to the lecturer,i'd rather study on my own.geez.she just rattled on and on and the whole lecture was so damn boring and lifeless.i think it is her tonality that create this kind of atmosphere.her tone was mono-tone.in the end it got us students to become stones.lab session was no better either.we just followed what she did.click everything as instructed.in between when the session really got meaningless,playfulness got us.some of us either chatted on msn,logging in to friendster,or busy enjoying and giggling about the video clips in youtube.all these are the usual things we will do,to get our mind connected back to soul again.now,indices is the next topic.yay~at least this kinda of topic im more interested in because it can never fail to earn my full concentration.though my skill does get rusty over time,im polishing it up once again.i want to make it shine shine shine!!!!it seems that other than math alone,other modules' topics are getting more and more interesting,at least to say that ive learnt them before so i wont get so lost along the way.
[to monkie:ive picked the thing i want.and i will strive for excellence.trust me:)]
-180606-2040
Friday, June 16, 2006
when you have to choose between friends and your lover,its difficult yea?perhaps we can still have them both,but no matter what,one party will be disadvantaged.often when we fall in love,we will promise our friends that we will never neglect them and no matter how much reassurance they gave you,you will always know that friends will be on a losing end.does it mean that friendship cannot hold a candle to love?when one is madly in love and indulges in the sweet feeling of being loved,i doubt friends matter to them.well,this may not always be the case.however this is what i thought.like i said,one party will have to sacrifice and friends are the ones.this is not about being jealous of your friend's new-found lover nor whining like a little kid seeking for attention.deep down,yes,we feel happy for our friend and its not easy for him/her to balance the time perfectly(we are not gods........).nevertheless,there is this tiny bit feeling of neglection in us.for those who love,their love is all that they see.true?it seems as if the entire universe revolves around the lovebirds only. i fear that one day i will behave in the same way,then when i am dedicating my time to my love,my poor friends may be wondering when i can leave some time for them.love is blind.is that true?
[friends are also the ones that make up quite a fair bit in our lives.please dont deny their existence after your love has appeared.spare a kind thought for them.friends are human afterall.they need to be reassured time after time.whatever time you are spending with your love,friends need some too.just a bit.not too greedy yea?] -160606-2219
sometimes i wonder,is using chopsticks to eat chicken chop the trend in the century?is it unique or it is silly?what about this?you can test out eating roti prata with chopsticks too!cool?i think it is purely a comical sight to all.isnt it ugly when you have to stuff the whole piece of chicken or a flour thingy into your mouth?so unsightly..hell with it. yesterday i went out with serena to great world city for our shopping.its been some time since we last went out.really reminisce those moments together.like what ive always believed and said,it does not matter where we go or what we do,but is who we are enjoying the moments with.when i was making payment at the esprit store,i came across a girl who is about 3-4 years old.oh my god,what a spoilt brat she was.she was crying all the time and making a whole lot of noise.oh goodness,its so noisy!!!!!!!!!!her mother and sister were unable to control her.she's such a pain in the neck.even her sister scolded her for being irritating.what did she want exactly?it seemed that she wants everything.even when i left the store,i could still hear her crying.i guess she's too young to understand the art of shopping and the philosophy behind it.damn it,shoppers need a peace of mind to enjoy their shopping.i guess its the upbringing of the family that results in how she behaves.judging by how her mother spent in the store(mind you,esprit stuff is by no means cheap.),you can roughly assume that they must have come from a well-to-do family.i think that can explain why the little girl is so spoilt. [bring a masking tape if possible yea?]
-160606-2153
You Should Learn Chinese
Surprised? You shouldn't be - Chinese is perfect for an ambitious person like you.
You're a natural entrepreneur, and a billion people are waiting to do business with you!
You're less prone to obsessive thoughts than the rest of the world... While you do get hung up from time to time, you're excellent at clearing your mind.
You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.
oh my,oh my...........iceman is my superhero!i simply like him.he's as cool as ice.just the type of guy i like.i like cyclops too=)
being a piece of ice is not a bad thing either.just a little bit of attitude,thats all.thats what i called cool~be ice and everything's alright.oh yea.......
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
last night as i watched ch8's "rhapsody in blue",there was this particular scene where it is filmed at max brenner.when i saw those shelves,i instantly recognised that it was the chocolate bar.thumbs up for the chocolate fondue!!!!!it was simply mouth-watering.in the scene,the actor and actress were savouring the chocolates.what a joy it can be!ahah.i remember those chocolates too because there was once when i was really tempted to buy them.i saw those chocolates on their website i think and i actually wanted to buy them for a special occasion.the thing that makes the chocolates so special is the design on it.imagine this.they look so yummy yet because of their unique designs,you cant bear to eat them.hahaahahaha.i did not buy them eventually because it was too expensive.if im not wrong,it comes in boxes of about 9-10 and each and every piece of chocolate costs about $2.so i guess its not worth to buy them.oh well. i saw this particular mercedes-benz ad.it says something about TIME.though right now i couldnt really remember the exact words,they caught my attention at first.TIME is a limiting factor.agree?TIME is essential yet it is never enough for us to make up for the things we had done wrong. looking through my house's window,i saw a lonely figure of an old man wanting to cross the road.i remember him.he used to go to market with his wife.now that his wife has passed away,the poor old man was left alone.they are a loving couple even till old age.that is the envy of everyone,including me,i think.yeah.you will see them holding hands and giving support to each other as if it traces back to their past courtship.awww..so sweet.i didnt really know them actually.but being friendly people,both of them especially the old man,will tell me to study hard and stuff whenever i met them.yeah...it was encouraging.talking about today,the poor old man was walking really slowly,mincing his steps to walk to the side of the road.he was holding a walking stick.i guess he's already in his 80s or 90s. with a partner gone forever,i guess he has someone less to love him,support him and to accompany him.i really wonder whether they have any children because everytime i will only see the old couple going out,with no one accompanying them. [when our beloved dies,will we have the urge to die with them too?to live or to follow,what is the ultimate decision we will make when our hearts are mourning with grief and sorrow?]
-140606-1513
Monday, June 12, 2006
i finally saw summer.shes so cute.the lil puppy girl.this was the first time i touched a dog and stroked its fur.dumb me realised that dogs have body temperature too.LOL.at first when i saw her,i admit that im quite afraid of it.its contradicting that i love dogs yet im scared of them.the thing is im scared of their licking.its so gross.though today summer didnt lick me,she was all the time sniffing me.initially i was quite uncomfortable about it but in the end,im ok with it.its the dog's nature.the only thing i havent done is to carry her,just like how i havent carried babies.im scared to carry those little critters because i feel that they are so fragile and what if i accidentally let go of them.i watched summer curdling up in a small corner,sleeping.she was smart not to sleep on the lil mattress which was prepared for her.she preferred the floor because it was cooling.smart girl!my fear for dogs ended today.but if i encounter a huge one,well,i may not dare to approach it.HAHA.fats are irritating.our stupid human biochemistry project.so confusing...geez. i gotta agree that monkie's words are empowering and can wake up our senses.i just feel that his words is my source of motivation and power.its amazing how his words can unleash such a powerful force.i remembered myself scoring 40 for L1R5 last year for mid-year exams.this was no joke man...especially when the real battle lies not far away from it.after monkie came,i felt tremendously motivated to study.my consecutive results proved everything.im not being proud here.all i wanna say is that in life,there is someone called a gui4 ren2.some people met that person already while some havent.im glad that ive met mine.but of course,my hard work paid well too. [to monkie:i will never look back.i choose my own path and i understand that no matter how tedious the journey may get,i will keep on progressing.no regrets.just like my current situation.i suffer setbacks but i swear that never ever had i doubt my decision before.] [life is a game.you got to choose and make your own rules,and you play them well and flawlessly.the chip of victory is determined by our own hands.] -120606-2259
Sunday, June 11, 2006
oh great!ive finally completed A&P's essay on smoking.woooHOooo one project down.felt alot of satisfaction man....of the 7 things to do,left only 4 more to complete.actually all these can be completed quite fast.the only and common problem is to find the time for the group members to meet.everyone has their own schedule.me too.but it seems that im quite free all the time,which means that i can do projects anytime i want.how i wish everything can be done as swift as a blink in the eye.then i can have plenty of time for revision.there really isnt free time for me.no time to play because i have to set aside those time for the more important things like studies.frankly speaking,i havent do my holiday shopping.its the great singapore sale yet i havent seen anything with those crazily-slashed prices.i want to do shopping!!!!!!!!!!!though i have no money to buy things,i just want to be part of the crowd,immersing in that kind of crazy atmosphere.its so goddamn action-packed......haha..we rush and grab whatever its cheap and affordable,like half-priced stuff.in the end,our hands will be holding onto bags and bags of shopping goods.its rather scary though.its as if everything is free of charge and theres no wrong in spending.or should i say splurging????c'mon..by the end of the day,we are still burning a big hole in our pockets.then whats the difference of having a sale and not having it?if sales can make people go hay-wired and out of control in their spending,then we are really the fools.shoppers often embrace the coming of such annual sales but who ever knows that we are actually falling into its seducing trap?especially girls who went ga-ga when they heard that great singapore sales is coming,i can understand their mindset.yes its true that such mega sales is hard to come by and it only occurs about twice in a year,but i feel that people ought to practise more control i n their spending.do some wealth management perhaps? i must do more window-shopping to control myself.i must not fall for retail therapy.see but cannot buy.HAHA.and if this fails,i must change my strategy.perhaps get a shopping partner who will discourage me from buying unnecessary things by telling me how bad the products are.if not..i can do something like not bringing my atm card with me.oh yea.its awesome!at most you will see me squatting by the roadside crying like a mad beggar.what a sight!hahahahahaha.crazy me=.= its holiday.but i dont feel the kick of it.its worldcup too.i didnt subscribe to that scv channel.so i missed a few matches earlier on.i think my bro's gonna subscribe now.for me.so touched.......its abit late though.i missed the england's match.never mind,guess the match last night was not as exciting too.england won 1-0.thanks to the own-goal.so sad.must depend on that goal to win the match.hope that oncoming matches will not disappoint me and make that scv channel subcription be worthwhile.
-110606-2318
Saturday, June 10, 2006
i realised that passerby has no name for herself.so sad.a person with no name or identity is like living in this earth with no purpose.perhaps i should say wasting her life that is given to her.oh ya..i learnt that a person must be responsible for what he/she did.that applies to me too and i know my mistake.HAHA same goes to passerby who commits the same mistake.she CHOOSES to hide her real identity and uses a fake name to cover up what she has done.if she CHOOSES to do a particular thing,shouldnt she be proud of it?shouldnt she use her BEAUTIFUL name alongside with the BEAUTIFUL thing she did?obviously in this case,she dare not use her name to account for the UGLY thing she did.that must be what she thought.o.O 'cause it must have been shameful for her i think. by looking at her comment,i was wondering whether i am an attention seeker.hmmm..............such CATCHY comment is worth to ponder about.if not,i will be letting the author down by not doing what she wanted me to do.ok back to attention seeking.if thats what she thinks of me,then so be it.if other people come to tell me how im acting in front of them,i will also welcome their comment.im open to such stuff.so no worries about it.as for my true character,only the ones who are close to me understand it best.i have a few friends,i admit.but im FORTUNATE to say that these are my best friends.what determines popularity is not by the number of friends you have.if you have many friends,it doesnt mean that all of them are your true friends.agree?be honest with yourself.the few best friends every one have are enough to make up what is called friendship.a friendship will not be a real one if the so-called friends you have only know your name and etc and not knowing the real soul within yourself.quite pathetic yea? to passerby:i love you for giving frank comments.god bless. [friendship is understanding you and me.]
-100606-1217
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
only some of you know about my current situation.do you actually know that im bursting inside?both imploding and exploding.everything all comes together to create a torturous feeling.stress and loss of my valuable possession.ive gained and lost some things.i lost my precious "baby" and what have i gained?nothing but a earful of scoldings and cold looks by my dad.can you imagine?he is giving me the get-lost look as if its to an enemy.thats true actually.he did tell me to get away from him.i know its my fault and i can understand why he's so angry.his hard-earnt money to buy the "baby" for me is wasted as i had lost it.its normal that he will feel the pinch in his heart.why must that idiot fella take my thing?(to put it in a nicer term)didnt his parents teach him that taking other people's things without permission is wrong?how could he???!!! im feeling really low and depressed.my mind contains many many things.projects,academic stuff,failing of test,loss of my "baby",my dad..........ARGH.im going crazy!really afraid to sink into depression.im also a victim.how come no one understands that?i have feelings too.damn it.its not about money loss,its about the feeling of losing something.i can feel the heartache man...as for stress,my approach is to take one step at a time.clear one thing by one thing slowly.i began wondering why do i wake up every morning.to complete projects?to study?to play?to explore the world of different human nature?to get hurt and cheated along the way?i have the feeling of suffocation right now,making it so difficult to catch a breathe of fresh air.my head is so 'heavy' now.thinking im getting a fever.my body temperature today is quite high.highest is 37.7....im feeling extremely terrible.oh gosh. [some people are SMART to seize opportunities.but they use it in the WRONG way.]
shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt WHAT THE FUCK let me find out who's that bastard,he's gonna die hard. i'll make sure you not only get expelled also to hand you to the police. of all the people you choose to play around with me. you will REGRET! %^*(@%^&* -060606-1937
yesterday some of our class people went back to school for senior's FYP.ken asked me to take temperature of them.that pseudo was the first one whom i take temperature.oh my god!he was so scared of me.c'mon..ive done such work before.have some faith in me man....in the end ruth and me had fever.hers is 37.4 and mine is 37.2....not surprising at all for me..my classmates said that im hot.my body temperature will always remain at this kind of level.dont know why either.maybe im WARM-blooded.but i dont feel sick at all....weird.ken took the measurement of our tear prism.i also dont know whats that.my tear prisms for both eyes are 0.2 on each side.quite high...other people are usually o.1....does that mean i cry more?LOL....that machine was so bright.after that part was completed,my vision became dark.....the later part was even funnier.the machine allows us to look at our own eyes.so cool....that indian senior used a cottonbud to lift up my eyelid.he's so gentle..not pain or what....for sihui,she felt uncomfortable about it...haha.the indian senior and edmund senior said that i was the best patient and can get the best patient award.LOL.yea indeed. yy has always hit the nail in my heart.yep until now i still cant forget him and how long am i gonna wait????must i really set a time for it?will it make a difference?if i set 6 months,then after that does it mean that i will be able to forget him?what if i set time as eternity?im so dumb.im so lost.sometimes i hate and doubt myself too.im the only one suffering now.he does not know.and if he knows,he will not be bothered either.he's lucky and happy enough to have found his queen.yet ive fallen in love with someone else's king.i feel so damn out of place.gorgor told me the similar thing about setting a time for this.i remembered him telling me on iag1 booster session.i cried. i dont understand.maybe my mr right has long appeared in my life but its just that i didnt notice him?is that really the case?ive always said that i havent found the right one.or is it because i havent learnt to let go and still hang on,that cause me to refuse anyone to gain entry into my life?im shutting everyone off.i know that.because my heart is fully reserved for monkie.going at this rate,will i stay single forever?even though i may say no but who knows?if i keep on being so foolish.what will happen when im old?will i be a single pathetic soul with no one to accompany me to walk through this journey of life to the end?i totally have no feelings for other guys man...i really dont feel like falling in love.if i really do so,my partner can only be monkie.but thats IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i enjoyed my sleep last night.ive always had this habit of talking in my sleep.since young.haha.thats why im so afraid of revealing any secrets unknowingly in my sleep.perhaps due to stress in school and other problemsm,sleep-talk is what i needed most.its kinda funny.its like after talking for some time,then you realise that you actually sleep-talk.then you still want to continue talking.KNOWINGLY.thats me.last night sleeping halfway through i realised that im sleep-talking,yet i continued.this morning when i woke up,i felt better.because ive voiced out some of my unhappiness last night.ive cried.ive shouted.ive used vulgarities?!oh ya..i scold people too!hahahaha......... [in life,everyone needs companionship.true?] [for couples in love,time is eternity.]
-060606-0936
Monday, June 05, 2006
monkey's characteristic and nature is that they are smart,witty and adorable.by watching this video,i totally agree that monkeys are just as smart as humans. monkie is another clever monkey.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
last evening i met suat hoon at red hill mrt station.we actually planned to go ahead with our prata day at tg pagar area.in the end we went somewhere else as we decided to ask grace and cindy along.nevertheless we went to tg pagar first.i returned money to gorgor.after that suat hoon was so fascinated with the climb adventure thingy.well,this did not have any effect on me.whats with the hype about rockclimbing?perhaps im a non-sporty person so ya...i just see and get on with it.the exception was suat hoon.oh my god,she was so excited about it and sounded serious about getting a 1-day certificate.she asked me whether im interested or not.sorry,im not.HAHA.....but if there's a course training beginners to become amatuers in pool,then you will see the adrenaline rush in me.seriously speaking,outdoor activities are just not for me.we met grace and cindy at yishun mrt station and went to a nearby coffeeshop for dinner.we ordered 1 sardine mutabak,1chicken mutabak,2 egg pratas and a plate of rojak.sounds fattening ya?definitely.i just have to be more disciplined in doing exercises to burn away the calories.the rojak auntie was funny.among the four of us,she could distinctively recognise me only.i guess that was because i was wearing a purple shirt while the rest were wearing either white or black.in such situations,its good to be outstanding sometimes.LOL.just like what danny said,even if we are bananas,we must also be the most outstanding ones.yea yea.but come to think of it,sometimes being outstanding is not a good thing either.it attracts unwanted attention.i face this all these while.its not that i dress scantily or what,i just notice that other people are staring at me.in the past i was very shy and i kept looking down to avoid any eye contact with those people.now,i heck care.diao mi diao~see la..i dont care.the similar thing happened last night when i was inside the mrt with suat hoon.she told me that 3 guys were staring at me.i knew that.but just cant be bothered with it.KAOZ......do they know that its rude to stare at other people???????i hate such attention and i dont need them. initially i thought of playing pool at the safra after dinner.however,i dropped the idea when suat hoon said that pool was meant for pai gia(gangsters).....i totally disagree.i must rebut this statement.in CRS,this is called generalisation and slippery slope.pool is just a game like any other.it can be a family game as well and ive seen it before.the only thing is that ah bengs tend to hang around there.ah bengs are human too.but their presence doesnt mean that pool is a bad game whatsoever right?every single game has its own worth.same as pool.it trains us in accuracy shooting and thinking and planning skills.having said that,whats so bad about it?same as rockclimbing,its worth is that it builds up self-confidence and courage.[games are useful,only if we can see their worth.] [to monkie:i went to training centre but didnt see you.you were not there.wasted...what if the person who came out of the training room with gorgor was you?]
-040606-1706
Friday, June 02, 2006
i sometimes wonder whats the use of holidays when the workload is so damn heavy.perhaps the good thing about holidays is that we can wake up later and have more time for our outside friends.fuck la...i got so many things to do over the holidays.everytime it seems so meaningless to me.now there isnt any difference either.loads and loads of work are crushing down on me as if the whole sky gonna crumbles.i seriously and really feel the stress.apart from doing projects i must also set aside some time for self revision.AS IF TIME IS PLENTY~go to hell la. heres the list of what to complete by holidays: 1)Critical Reasoning Skills essay for part a 2)Critical Reasoning Skills project(discussion cafe) 3)Human Biochemistry project(presentation) 4)Human Biochemistry project(essay) 5)Anatomy & Physiology project(essay) 6)Analytical & Physical Chemistry(report writing) 7)IDEAS project thats not the end.next week is e-learning week.not as if its early holiday for us.still must study online and do those online quizzes.thats still okay.i can cope.
-020606-2349
yawnz..so tired now..gonna turn in quite soon.these few days i felt really tired.wonder whether it is because of those tests and projects that are causing me to feel this way.fatigue seems to get me.is it that im lacking vitamin b in my diet?for quite a few nights ive slept for about 11-13 hrs but nevertheless,its still not enough for me.no matter how long ive slept,i still want more.thats why i always say that i wish to sleep forever.maybe now is not the right time yet.i will definitely have this opportunity when i die because i can sleep for as long as i want,with no grumbles and complaints whatsoever.now i shall just move on with the passing days and months and years while the clock is ticking its every second,every minute and every hour.just bear through it though time indeed passes quite slowly at this moment in time for me. as i reflect what i did for today,i confessed for being a naughty girl.i pon IDEAS for a reason.miss phoon's lesson ended at 3pm,then i quickly rushed down to crescent in a cabbie.if the security guard there could have bits and pieces of memory of me,he would be scratching his head wondering why this ex-crescentian kept coming back.does she love the school so much that even though she has graduated,she will come back now and then.actually i went back today purely because to attend the booster session.the main purpose was to catch a glimpse of monkie.i reached at 3.15pm or so and the booster ended at 4pm.45 minutes of looking at monkie is definitely not enough but i must feel contented and grateful that i did get to see him today.i hid in the control room with the help of suat hoon.she "smuggled" me in.looking through the black tinted glass window,i could only secretly look at monkie.watching him train is one great joy in my life.i did not want to let him see me because i fear that i will give him the impression that im crazy.a lunatic fella.liking someone means that even if i can only see him for a while,it will bring joy to my heart.though the time today was short,i treasure it alot.as for playing truant for my lesson,i did not regret it.i will only regret if i miss the chance today.'cause i miss him dearly so.by the way mr mok's lesson is just another laughing session.in that case i'd rather see monkie and listen to his jokes.its killing two birds with a stone!well done.i really wish to open that window when i was in the control room.really tempted to see him directly in the light and not in darkness.oh ya..suat hoon told me that monkie mentioned about me to my juniors when i had not reached yet.he said that theres one girl from crescent who scored 7 points but chose to go to poly.he also said that well its my choice and hope.HAHA..so happy!he remembered me.remember that i exist in this world.so this is something that is worth to be happy about for today.at least monkie understood me and did not even ask me why i didnt choose to go to jc instead unlike what others did,who kept throwing shit stuff at me and made my mind wavers. [to monkie:thanks.you did not pressurise me and instead, you knew my goal.=)i promise you that i will give my 100% in my studies and persevere to the end.although now im not exactly doing quite well in my studies,i promise you that i will buck up and not to disappoint you.i want to let you see a SYLVIA who reaches her goal ultimately and leaves no regret for the choice she made.] i failed my genopt just as expected,but not too badly.there are 7 failures.so sad.chris ng told me that "sylvia,you must spend more time studying.."yeah..more CHAIRTIME must be spent.how could i miss out those parts about proving questions in my lecture notes?i took them down yet i did not study them well.alright mr chris,i promise you too that i will spend more time in your genopt.weird.i did not exactly feel very sad over my failure.no doubt that im a little disappointed about being the minority who fails as compared to the majority who scored 70% and above,i told myself that ive done my best.(for the parts that i covered during revision).the fact is,to be honest,the best is yet to come.i could have performed better and give a better "best".whats the use of regretting now?????the test is over so all i can do now is to buck up and do well for the next test.i admit that im competitive in nature.well in real life who doesnt?its all about competition for survival in today's world.fortunately,the good things today(about monkie) balanced out the sad things(results).it should attain a neutral mood but im more hyper to the happy stuff nevertheless.HEES.
-020606-2314
Thursday, June 01, 2006
im back from the movie thingy..da vinci code was superb,though it had alot of twists and turns in between that made my head spins with it.in conclusion,it is a movie worth watching.talking about the dinner,it is very simple indeed.that's why its free.its just jumbo hotdog+popcorns+coke.yup.thats all.its the sweetness of the popcorns that made us full.or else i think i can go for supper later. a&p test was peanuts.haha....anyway ive done my best.im not being proud here but rather feeling glad that ive done my best and put in enough effort in my revision. ac gave me a shock just now in msn.he confessed to me.actually all the while i know how he feels for me,but i pretend nothing happens and wish my assumption is wrong.me myself hates rejection and i also hate the feeling of rejecting other people.i know how it feels.it sucks.but some truth is meant to hurt nevertheless.that's life for everyone.ac knows that i like someone else and he expects the outcome already,so this is why he's been keeping these words from me all along.i feel awkward.we will surely meet everyday during lectures.hah.if someone likes me,i will avoid that person alot.as for ac,i dont want to end the friendship.so ya...treat him normally as a friend.its more wise. i finally got back my smile from monkie.so happy~~~when i saw "new message" in friendster,i eagerly opened my inbox to see whether its him.true enough,its him.my prayer is heard.i feel more energetic now as if there is more power to charge in my life.i was so happy that i teared just now.just feel very touched with the feeling as if someone consoles me and ya....too happy for words.let the tears do the job. [to monkie:i will surely come down to visit akltg again.no worries.i miss the place alot.and you of course.last met you 28 days ago.its been almost a month.im missing you hellishly alot and alot.]
see...i was very wet even after changing.the 3rd person from my right(guy) is casper.the friendly ghost.these are the yr-yr2 OCs.except for casper.more photos will be uploaded into webshots.keep checking...i love them guys.....
