THIS IS FUCKING IRRITATING!!!!

i mind my language in the words i speak, but certainly not this time.
im too frustrated to stick to my principle.

1. stupid tax thingy.
peace. im not aiming at the government policy. im angry at someone who keeps pestering me to get the hard copy of the ir8a from feb to now. FROM FEB TIL NOW,MIND YOU.it's not as if i didnt enquire about this from the office, but i heard that it was all computed to the website (something like that) which means we probably wont get a hard copy summary. so, i went to check it out in the website. all it says was that the summary was already processed. now the question that burns me hard to the core is whether im supposed to do the e-filing. i've got my summary from yes so i could see all the figures at one glance, but i still do not know the ones from f&l. i mean, all these can be settled nicely right? i totally dislike the tone u used as if this is an interogation.

2. (the worst of all) UNI
this fucks big time. cant the damn school summarize a simple to-do list? why make us read through a thick stack of forms knowing that sometimes we do make human errors by missing some points here and there? brainless creatures. so they got what they want. i really missed out some info and kena nagged by that person. irritating asshole. why cant the school just obtain the necessary info and payment from CPF? why again, need us to do double job by writing a cheque and expecting a reimbursement later? isnt this back to square one? and 'coz of this, i volunteered to clean up my bro's mess but i was bombed by him. hey, im trying to find a solution now (for him). instead of appreciating me (which he ought to do), i got shouted for nothing. so much for my kind intention. go to hell! ok. i did not ask my dad to use our joint acc. it was HIM who suggested it ok?! speaking of this, the stupid GIRO form says that we must go down to the bank personally and have our thumbprints/signatures verified in witness of a bankteller and note down which branch we went to initially to create this acc. im going down to sp tomorrow but i dont think everything can be settled once and for all. guess i have to make a 2nd trip, all thanks to the GIRO shit. worst of all, i heard my dad say that he's got a workshop to attend tomorrow, so i told him that we head down to the bank on tues morning. then later at night he said that his workshop starts in the afternoon, not morning, so i suggested why not he takes time-off tomorrow morning. again, i was dropped another bomb on my shoulder. he said now it was too late to pre-inform aunty mrs wong and that i should have asked him earlier on. walao eh! i did not do this on purpose ok? i only suddenly recall it mah.....i tell u ah, as long as this uni thingy is not settled, there will not be peace. fuck it! hopefully the bank only needs one of us signature/thumbprint and not both so that i can go ahead with my plans.

at this crucial boiling point, it seems that whatever i do is neither here nor there, neither wrong nor right. sorry..lemme correct this. whatever i do is WRONG!
the world is so noisy out there. i seek and love the peace of my world through the earphones.

-290310-0007

notti, how's work in bangkok?
you look fantastic in the pic with a new haircut:)
i've been living my days on your latest updates.
days passed and there are truly some moments when work surpassed you
but nonetheless, my feelings for you did not change the slightest bit.

i feel like im writing to you.haha
these are only my inner thoughts coz there's no way you will know this blog.

some tough days to spend recently...but your words are my motivation.
i can only be happy if this is what you hope i'll be :)
do you know..i listen to no one but you?

-210310-0101

i deliberately choose this time to blog because my parents are asleep, hence i can have the personal space to whine,to grumble,to SHOUT!

there are so many things to do that if one additional thing comes in the way, the workload is gonna overflow.
let me rank according to severity:

1) pre-reg closing date
2) uni preparation work

thats why i was saying, the nearer it is to the end of the month, the more stressed up i am.

i have yet to complete my quota. i plan to meet woody next tuesday on my offday plus i gotta have my 2nd injection at mount elizabeth, so my whole day was fully reserved. so this all means that i must complete my quota before tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you know, i just received my enrolment package from sp. it's ridiculous of them to set the deadline for submission of forms on the end of march while they only post out the packages somewhere in mid-month. what's this? so, i have no choice but to clear my leave to set time aside for medical checkup, photo-taking and submission of documents to sp PERSONALLY.
what's more frustrating are those application forms which are full of words and things to fill in.
just by looking at it tarnish my mood, lest talking about having to read them in detail. it's a torture for a hyperope like me! *poor eye muscles*
i told rena, i mean it is fine if im doing all these for the thing i like. she knows me. i dont like to feel that im forced to do something. i believe that no matter what we face, we must deal with it WHOLE-heartedly. i dont like pressure. i love freedom, freedom to do my own things at my own pace. dont force me, it will backfire. i also told her that this is all carved by cirumstances. im forced by circumstances, but ironically they will lead me to a brighter future. so even if i dont like it, i still gotta do it, JUST DO IT.
i say, this relates to the theory of swimming: hold your breath and you can swim for as long to the final destination. sylvia, hold your breath for 2 years and you'll be out of the water.

tonight after reading through the enrolment package, i almost choked on this invisible pressure. if not for rena who accepted my grumbles, i guess the stress can snowball to its peak.

notti, where are you?i wanna chat with you.

if only i can drink then dance, dance and keep on dancing...DANCE MY BLUES AWAY!

-150310-2352

complicated.

had 鸳鸯 after lunch.
it sounds so familiar and suddenly i recall 鸳鸯戏水.
my heart wrenched tightly as flashback of memories came charging as lightning bolts.
ouch.
i felt the pain,literally.
notti, why was it you again just when i intend to throw my past back into history?

didnt i say lets keep in touch?
didnt i say we'll be friends?
why do i feel that all connections are seemingly gone?
i've lost touch of you and your world.

in fact i was wrong to think that i could start all over again.
if mr ed cant commit, i dont think i can either.
im still being hauled by our times together.
anyway, you wont understand.

farewell soon, so sad to say goodbyes.

-110310-0055

life can be interesting.
it could be.
it all boils down to how we design it into a masterpiece, right?
i feel like i've been given a box of crayons.
from bright to dark hues, it seems like i've been using black, white and grey.
it gets boring day by day as the picture i painted looks still and lifeless.
i have a flair of talent for arts but now im just dissatisfied at my own's life portrait.
as i glimpsed at other artpieces, i realised that they can then be considered the centre of admiration.

i am wowed by his life painting while i lament at mine.

-070310- 0138

人言可畏.

some people speak for gains while some really speak from the heart.
please dont think of me only when you need help.
thanks.

-030310-0019

mentioning about edison,
we were badly teased by my colleagues today, 真惨!!!!!!!!!

anyway..i want u guys to visualise this.
imagine u are at a wedding banquet over at a chinese restaurant where no waiter (or perhaps slacking somewhere else) dutifully slices the fish for the guests and one of the poor guests had to do the job...
haha isnt that funny?

hey, edison was the poor guy!

but this small lil gesture boosted high marks for himself.
he is so gentleman......*smiles*
and one more thing..
each and everyone of us had a fair share of the sharksfin but there was still leftover somehow.
left with 2 more bowls and guess what.
he gave me the 1st bowl....FIRST BOWL.
of all people, no one but me.
hahahaha.

honestly speaking, im quite touched by what he did today.
it was by right a joyous occassion for the bride, elaine, but it turned out to be an eye-opener towards the oh-so-cool dude edison whom i realise that despite his cold and serious look, there lives a warm-hearted gentleman whom i finally get to see today.

but..(there's always a but).....
i think gary was right.
looks like he's not ready to settle down yet.
he said "not so soon to get married", "have not found the right person yet"....blah blah blah.
k lah..
let him be.
he's always a nice friend with other personality traits i've yet to explore.

rather sweet of him to ask me 2 days ago whether or not i've recovered from my previous illness.
i mean, he still remember this small insignificant stuff?

bro asked me to take leave in march to accompany him to genting with his friends.
if this question was brought up earlier on, i would not hesitate to say yes immediately.
this time round i dont feel the zest of it.
i could have agreed and smsed gary to claim my leave but i dont even have the burning desire to do so.
maybe i dont have the mood for it (which i find it strange) or maybe coz marie cat is going too and i gotta share room with her whom im not even familiar with except the fact the she's my bro's ......... (erm....ahem....)

question marks hanging everywhere.
i change fast.
my decisions change REALLY fast!
i dont know who i really am.

-020310-0146

HATES!
-LIZARDS
-players
-unreasonable toots
-almond
-going for morning class
-being treated as transparent

LOVES <3
-baking
-cosmetics
-boozing (w/o getting a heavy head!)
-people who dote on me
-acts of service

Not looking anymore other than a stupid notti.

hey, if you know me well enough, i bet you'd LOVE ME!