我有很多话想说，但不知从何说起。
千言万语又不可能在一夜间说完。
或许在这个寂寞的城市里，人的心情也变得难以捉摸。
忧郁？不，我不是。
开心？也不见得。
当情感都陷在这个灰色地带时，我们往往都迷失了自己。
我此刻的心情很复杂，真的好想享受个暖暖的拥抱。
至少能让心灵上的空虚得到一丝丝的安慰。

这几天我拼命在埋头苦读，把精力都放在学业上。
可是忙归忙，偶尔还会想起某人。
忙完测验后，学校假期就即将来临。
好像问他同样的问题：“你何时还会再来新加坡？”
*心痒痒嘞*
我也希望可以重温那真实的拥抱。
这次我绝不会那么轻易松手。

*爱与不爱，一样让人心痛*

-310510-2100

im so lucky today to have tasted the best ipoh horfun ever in my whole lifetime from "珠江 blah blah blah" ...
haha. dont really remember the exact name. paiseh..
but i know that it's located opposite of albert street OG shopping centre.
the dish doesn't taste like the common ones we get from the market which have alot of gravy (well, at least this is what ive always been eating in these 20 yrs...).
instead, the gravy was in good combination with the guotiao, hence it does not seem too diluted or soupy in a sense......
oh my!
mentioning about the guotiao...can you imagine that it is so smooth and waxy (but not easily breakable) that you dont even have to spend too much time masticating it?
i say, PERFECT!
at only $3, you will definitely enjoy a rewarding meal coupled with food from heaven!
hoho...gonna try the roast duck noodle the next time i go to F&L.....

im so tired.
but i gotta continue with my revision.
2 chapters per day in the weekend...................................................................................................
i musn't sleep anymore....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

notti.
i saw someone who looks like you from the side and the back @domanchi.
at that moment, silly me thought it was you.
impossible right? how could it be you??!!!
the only thing is he's much more fairer than you and the earstuds he's wearing...
different from yours as well.
who can take your trademark of that squarish earring away from you?
i shall call anyone imposter if they dare to impersonate you manz!
hehe.
anyway, he's from m'sia too.
a food for thought: do all/most m'sian guys dress like this? i mean..they are quite good at dressing up, but none beats you of course!
hmmmmmmmm.............................................................................................................................
i did manage to shelve you a lil further behind my brain these while, but now images and thoughts of you re-surfaced at the anterior frontal lobe.
shit. i really cant get over you, my love.

-290510-0045

i touch my heart and i know that the media industry is what im really interested in.
but as for now, i gotta fake that optometry is my thing.
goodnight.
(looks like 2 btls of stella artois weren't enough.)

met up with brandon just now at a pub deep inside keppel bay condominium.
though initially i wanted to order just cocktails, in the end i ended up with stella.
dont really like the music there as it defeats the purpose of creating an atmosphere for relaxation.
and it's abit cramp too.
fortunately there were private yachts for me to admire.
wonder when i can earn enough to own one.
haha:)

-230510-0206

我真的是身在福中不知福。。。

虽然我现在的奢华可能是众人眼里的羡慕，但是一切都是可遇不可求啊。。。
我宁愿，也非常乐意地把它奉献给别人，因为我根本都不会去欣赏它。
对我而言，名分和地位都一一比不上做回真正的自己。
在这个喧哗的都市里，当人们都在拼命地发奋向上，我却想寻找属于自己的空间。
我累了。
或许我已经厌倦这样的生活方式。
是不是因为太年轻，所以不能为自己一心向往的生活做决定呢？
何时才是最好的时机？

我好想抛弃一切，从零开始。
最近，我也发现那曾是我避风港的家，感觉上突然变成一个鸟笼。
那个让我能轻松喘气的世外桃园， 到底在哪里呢？
是的，我的确感到一种莫名的压力，仿佛在这个窄小的空间里，空气变得好稀薄。
我的难言之隐，有谁愿倾听呢？
眼前的家人都好像不是好的听者耶。。。
或许我的内心知道我要和他们谈的话题一定会遭到反对，那就干脆不说了。
反正我要说的，也不是他们爱听的。
真苦恼！
我们的沟通真的出现很大的问题咯！！
我只好拼命地咀嚼生活的杂物，然后一一往肚子里塞。
有苦难言啊！

好想好想，现在马上拖着行李，逃离眼前的虚假。。。。。。。。。。。
等我整理好心情再回来。
要不然，每天的我，也只是像一个无魂的躯壳，为了生活而还在呼吸着。
我要的，谁会理解？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？
难道你们认为只要有好的学历我就会快乐吗？
那么，你们根本都不了解快乐的真正定义。

-180510-1425

真难得，
人在JB还会想到我。。。
他的简讯竟然感动到我。
虽然我们最后仍然没有碰到面，但是他的心意我已经收到了。
我想，这是我开学以来最令我感到欣慰的一件事。

奇怪。。。
这到底是什么力量？
它竟然能够让我的心情豁然开朗，
好像身边所有的人，事，物都被抛出宇宙外，
对我来说都似乎消失了，
唯独在发简讯的那个人。

可是。。。
这个力量也有它的负面影响。
尽管如此，到现在我还是把它和他当作我的鼓励和动力，继续迈向未知的未来。
究竟未来会演变成怎样的结局，我先不会去顾虑太多。
所谓：“enjoy the moment”
也只不过在教我们学会珍惜眼前所拥有的和知足常乐这个道理。

时间这个玩意儿，真微妙。
当两个人真的想碰面时，就阻挠了一切。
一个离不开工作岗位，另一个还得上学。
没办法，遇到这种天意弄人的情况，只好等下一个机会。

我还是为昨天的事感动。。。。。。。。。:)

-070510-2100

i didn't realise initially how hard studies can be.
thought i could grit my teeth and breeze through it as long as the determination is there, but i guess i still could not beat the greatest enemy, which is my heart.
a saying says that it is always easy to fall to the direction which the wind blows.
i totally agree 'cause im experiencing how it is like to go against my wish.

i hate the 'sacred' people up there.
they are just a bunch of money suckers!
i see no reason why they should charge the full amount.
no brains!
you know what, im already very very demoralised by the need to repeat another pre-reg year and yet the money issue came.
and when i combined these with the irritating and inexperienced IL, i tell you......
IM SO GOING TO VOMIT BLOOD!
seriously, i really dont understand what he is teaching.
since long time ago, i believe that in this world there isn't any subject that is too hard to comprehend.
all we need is proper teaching and guidance from the right person.
i came into this realization when i was in sec 4.
at that time being the toughest subject, A Maths was my bane.
i flunked exams and tests almost throughout the final year until mr loh became my guiding light.
i've never been more confident than that time when i stepped out of the examination hall and told him that im going to get an 'A' for my O's, and yes i did it!
IL is supposed to be a guiding light 'coz that's his job, isn't it?
but now, we are still stuck in the darkness.
the light refuses to shine, hence expecting us to either grope our way through or groping for possible methods to create light.
i call this "leaving us in the lurch".
im so frustrated to attend his class coz i dont understand a single thing...(err..i mean some.)

-040510-2355

definitely not my day.

i was in high spirits today knowing that i finally get to watch ice kacang puppy love,
then things took a change after the movie ended.
sighs.
anyway, i love the show.
it is only a short 1hr45min movie with a simple plot.
to me, i find that the real essence lies in the setting and since the storyline is a simple one, audience like me can easily engage ourselves into the atmosphere.
some of us might have experienced this similar kind of childhood before back in those days when we grew up in kampongs.
hence, the movie to us, is like a platform which allows us to relive our childhood memories.
i like the part where we saw the children playing marbles, and the girls playing masak masak.
life seems to have no worries at all....how cute!
notti, is this how u grew up too?

i grew up in singapore where everywhere is much urbanized now as compared to those days in the 60's or 70's, hence seeing what a kampong life is certainly intrigues and captivates my heart.
though their lifestyle is naturally set at a slower pace, i guess happiness is much more evident there.

mentioning about him makes me happy and yes, i do not want to accept reality. so what?
pls dont change my mindset and since i chose this path, i do expect more tears than laughters..
but just let me be!
thought i can share things with you..........i dont like the cold water! -.-
you know me, i wont say things to hurt ppl.
even though im upset with your remark, i still wont show my anger at you.

-010510-2105

HATES!
-LIZARDS
-players
-unreasonable toots
-almond
-going for morning class
-being treated as transparent

LOVES <3
-baking
-cosmetics
-boozing (w/o getting a heavy head!)
-people who dote on me
-acts of service

Not looking anymore other than a stupid notti.

hey, if you know me well enough, i bet you'd LOVE ME!