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the.girl
Im the classic virgoian who believes in perfection. Sometimes people dislike me because they find me acting too cold towards humans. Or maybe they just can't accept my high standards. So, love me or not, u decide.
Screams
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Wednesday, August 29, 2007
on a lighter note.. presenting to you 2 of my favourite hunks from m'sia:  nicholas teo and taki chegne i just got to know taki at NLC. a stunning appearance. donning a cool black jacket which made all girls swoon in the air. then the huge (yes i mean huge!!) diamond stud which glittered in the dim-lighted ballroom. breath-taking as it was, he'd stolen our hearts away to stardom which his status is comfortably set in. we wowed at how charming an international make-up artiste could be. fluttering hearts; unbelievable thoughts: how could such a guy be 32? still looked like in his mid-20's, we're still crazy for him. see him live in action, you'll faint. WITH NO REGRETS.
yes indeed..he's handsome! i was hoping for an individual pic with him and guess what? garry helped me took 2!!!!!!! one formal and the other candid. shall upload the pics asap! stay tuned! meeting taki again in october! *kekez* i'll still be smiling in my sleep.
-300807-0010 Tuesday, August 28, 2007
we better remain as freinds.stay status quo. my motivation and hope originated from him but were also dashed by his very own hands. when he talked to me just now, i chose not to reply him. i kept quiet, only nodded a few times that's all. if i rebuke him, he will say i'm childish. so i just listened to him. 'til he finally asked me for opinion. when i replied, he had other methods to fight for his stand. why? other than being co-workers, why can't we be together? why can't we talk about some other things than just plain talking about work? should i regret or feel relieved that i didn't tell him i like him anytime before tonight? i really feel the distance now, really. back in genting, i helped him adjust his waist belt. helped him bring out his luggage from the room. despite carrying my own luggage and two bags. he had 1 luggage and 2 bags. all combined together weighed a ton. before that my left shoulder had sprained a little because of the poor sleeping posture in the bus. but i still carry his stuff. thomas and zoe ee can appreciate but his first word ain't something thankful. his tone was as if blaming me for letting others worry for me. why can't he see a better side of me? i'm not claiming credit or pity from others. i'm just doing something from the guy i like. why is my love life so tortuous? why is it always one-sided? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY -280807-0131 Thursday, August 23, 2007
hoho.which is then the real thing? i'm baffled. by what C said just now. we were chatting in our usual way but i forgot which topic led us to chat about something called "telepathy". i told him that GO knows me very well, from inside out and it's plain scary that he could sense what i'm feeling at that moment when i just looked into his eyes. just a body gesture or something, he's already got his mind hooked into mine. as for me, i wish to know him better. i could have stared at him but it just meant as if i was searching aimlessly into his heart. a tortuous road to his soul. i can't figure out what he's thinking! so i asked C whether my facial expression is the thing that betrayed my thoughts. he opposed vehemently that it was something more than that. he said that if you like someone, you will understand that person very well. then he said: "it's because you dislike him (GO), that's why you didn't understand him very well." "who says that i dislike him????!!!!!!!!" ( in my heart i was thinking..i like him so much manz...) "is from the way you talk to him, can sense that you don't like him." "huh? what's wrong with my tone?" walaoz. if that person doesn't matter to me so much, i couldn't even care a hood about him lor. i like him lah. once again. am i thinking too much? maybe he's just as nice to everyone. especially to subordinates, like me? he left earlier tonight. before he left, he told me he's got other things to do and we bid farewell. my heart suddenly felt empty. disappointed. GO~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can you give me a chance to know you better? can you give us both a chance to be together? (i just swallowed those questions back into my heart) wo xi huan ni. it's growing stronger each day. i'll be away in m'sia until sunday. hope he won't leave me alone like that time in genting. -230807-0052 Sunday, August 19, 2007
TOMORROWdoomday cum freedom day. on the brighter side, tomorrow marks the end of semester 1 exam. however on the gloomy side, if i "unfortunately" screw things up, my studies will be screwed. a crucial day and i hate such feeling! please, bless me. it's worst than the o's. fucked up. he said that i'm a ninja. who appears and disappears suddenly. i would want to call him everyday just like what i used to do in the past, but now that he's got a job, i don't want to bother him so much. haze said me and him look alike. like siblings. do we? -190807-2048 Saturday, August 18, 2007
yes..suat hoon.
i'm even smiling right now while typing this. finally, something made me smile tonight. even something as simple as sharing his food can make my heart miss a beat. amazing right? or you might be thinking sylvia's mad. he wanted bak chor kway teow mee soup. the person served him fishball kway teow mee soup. see the difference? today then i know he detest fishballs. ahh..in fact anything that's gotta do with fish. then he asked me to get a bowl....... and he dumped all the fishballs to me. funny right????? it suddenly brought me to those memories whereby i was still in my childhood times and mommy and daddy fed me with something in another bowl.. yes..that kind of feeling. when i was holding onto the bowl just now, i was smiling and smiling. just feel happy lah. share mee goreng, carrotcake etc...............i didn't know that sharing can feel so wonderful, that's unless the person is him, i guess. my secret. i told him last night. i really had a hard time stuffing those shit in my heart, wanting to find someone to share yet on the other hand was hoping that it stays as a secret. some things are not meant to tell other people, but i know that i certainly can share with him. i admit that when i'm at the heat of the moment, i curse and swear at everything but i actually calmed down and listened to his reasoning which i think will be quite impossible for me to accept from other people's mouth. hey, i saw my mistakes and shortcomings. there's still a big big room for me to improve and to change to a better person. thanks GOHS....... "anything call me" reassurance time and again that gives me a huge support which i know i will not fall into six feet underground. even if he's not there physically to catch me when i'm falling, his words are. seriously..that night when i alighted at redhill mrt station, i was feeling damn low. low until i was kinda attracted to the mrt tracks. get me? i had this question which came to my mind suddenly. how come mrt stations become a hot spot to die nowadays? isn't it similar to jumping off the building? close your eyes and jump!! only difference is that the depth was much smaller, that's all. i can't imagine if i really jump down the tracks, he must be wondering why i hadn't reached home that night. and everyone grieves for me. fortunately, that was just a passing thought. why do things get so unsuccessful these few days? how come i just can't seem to get things right? what's wrong?????????????????????????? however smart he is, he still didn't catch the most obvious. that's the saddest thing. i want, yet fearful of his answer. how? -180807-0153 Thursday, August 16, 2007
 my mood. fuming madly. gotta have a good cry tonight.
now i finally got a taste of fergie's blastful hairdryer treatment.
fuck that stupid ASSHOLE. I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! will make her pay back in ten folds someday. DON'T OVERESTIMATE AND THINK SO HIGHLY OF YOURSELF. YOU THINK WHAT? ON A NOBLE MISSION? I PUKE MANZ.. THICK-SKINNED AND SO YUCKY. MAKES MY HAIR STAND. CRANKY MENOPAUSAL WITCH. -160807 Sunday, August 12, 2007
i totally agree with sirlina.in fact in reality i don't go for guys purely because of looks, though it does matter somehow. i will more likely go for someone who has some sort of humour which will entice me anytime in the moment. this is then the zest of life. well, he has it. somehow or rather, i feel that our eye contact got lesser and lesser but nevertheless i can still feel his concern for me. hmm..he broke his promise. yes i know that he's not obliged to promise me anything but the fact is that he has already made one to me. yer..so i was feeling quite disappointed today:( but............ C and M told me something today which touched my heart. to those who tried to contact me these 2 days, will know that i switched off my mobile. he was looking for me. last night after the seminar ended, we went separate ways. he drove back, the rest took the train while i was alone taking the bus. so yah..he couldn't reach me. hence, he contacted M, thinking M was with me. M couldn't reach me. she then called C, sharing the same thought as him. in the end, none of them successfully contacted me. he was worried for me!!!!!! though he kept saying: "please lah..on your phone leh.." the same thing happened tonight. i went to have dinner with the rest while he and M left first. before he left, he asked whether i'm going home (in fact, he's asking whether i'm taking his car) as i was walking in the carpark when he and M were already in the car, i pretended to smile and act cool then finally waved goodbye to 'em. the feeling was errr...quite uneasy. gotta admit that the weather today ain't exactly too good. been raining at intervals which was rather irritating to me. when i was in the train, he smsed me. "reach home le?" then another one asking me where was i and told me that it was raining quite heavily at my place. lastly, he apologised for breaking his promise. when i read his sms, my heart felt so warm and i actually had a feeling to cry. cry because i was so damn touched. think the whole world must be gleeing over the fact that i'm finally back into action! sylvia can be contacted again! disappearing now and then seems to become one of my habits. perhaps it's out of good intention 'cause sylvia will then know who truly care for her. sylvia wants to be loved. sylvia wants her existence to be felt and not to be taken for granted. sylvia wishes to hear something like "where are you?", "reach home le?" of course, other than him, your words do matter a great deal to me. if only i can see the worried look of his............tell you..i will surely run into his arms. only he could sense whether my smile was genuine or fake. amazing huh? yes, he has this power. only he could sense whether my words were genuine or sarcastic; honeyed or thorny. all these i could not hide from him. so i just let it be natural. C said that if we mean alot to one person, then he/she will notice what we say, which is our tone and stuff. i still remember that time at bukit timah plaza he asked me why my words were so full of thorns. so yeah......... :D -120807-2352 (8 more minutes to the start of lunar 7th month. i think i need someone to accompany me back home and to take the lift with me in the nights to come. now..who?)  my new pic! Saturday, August 11, 2007
3S Seminarfollowed by video recording for NLC appearance. during the shooting, i tried hard to memorise the script and stuff but that did not pose much of a problem though, 'coz i sorta rehearsed at home and moreover the script was written by me. first recording was okay but because my time over-run, recorded over and over again with my speed increased this time. now, here comes the problem. when i increase my speed, there is a greater tendency for me to make mistakes. what a perfect timing for him to come into the room just then. shit lah..he said some things to me which affected my mood. how come he just can't seem to get it? it's not that i always depend on him to do stuff or to come over to my place. the thing is that by doing so, it gives me a better excuse to see him more. get it? i can have him coming over to my house more often, or to simply meet up to get some stuff. yah..so he said i'm over-dependent on him. now imagine this. if you were me, how would you feel? and he just had to tell me all this during the shooting. after that, i had 5 NGs in a row. whenever my mind floats to what he had said, it became a blank space and i forgot my next line. hence, i gotta re-do over and over again. damn thirsty. before we parted, he said: "hui jia xiao xin..ni hai shi chuan shang jacket bah.." (be careful when you go home. i think it's better for you to wear the jacket.) precisely. and 3 cheekopeks from rival company whistled at me this morning when i was just outside elken. yucks manz. their sight never left me even when i was entering the main door. see and see and see all the way. raw-rrrrr!!!! you see..i never worn dresses to work before. since i had to do shooting, i gotta wear something more presentable. so i just wore a black m)phosis dress. at the coffeeshop, those uncles were also staring. it's him who thought that i'm feeling cold, so i just removed my jacket. now, he asked me to wear it back. joke! never mind, i just take it as a form of concern. hehe tomorrow. i'm going down to support him! -120807-0027 Wednesday, August 08, 2007
monday night.there was just the 2 of us. thank god. i love the night together. i was so thick-skinned to follow him back. i could have jolly well taken 166 back home which was what i always did but i chose to take 165 with him. i didn't care a hood that i might miss the last bus and ended up taking a cab. and the worst thing was that i was penniless at that time. okay, so i just set my mind to take the bus all the way to the interchange and whether or not i miss my last bus, let fate decides. so i went ahead with my decision and managed to catch the last 963 in the end. it's been such a long time since i ever sat so close to him. the first time, i remember, was when we took the back seat. that night, though we sat at the front, at the very least we sat together! and we were busy teasing each other about my sms. but following him to buy food, walk to the bus stop was something very casual and comforting. i felt closer to him and and.......i don't know. the feeling was just very comfortable. and i appreciate for that fact he's concerned about my safety. yea..he smsed me and again, this landed me in sweet dreams. i dreamt about him lor. just as true as what it goes "ri you suo si, ye you suo meng". yesterday i went to peninsula plaza to get a book. being a direction noob, i was filled with worry that i may end up at the wrong bus stop, either over-alighting or under-alighting. at last, i found the place and managed to got hold of the book. he recommended me this book which was a magic itself. it got me hooked as soon as i made my purchase and started to read. that uncle thought that i was a teacher. haha. do i look like one? so i can't explain the amount of satisfaction i had for going to a foreign place alone and manged to come back in the end. kudos to myself!!! haha... even my daddy was shocked. "you found your way there?" "yes daddy, i did." thanks to him for instilling the concept of taking public transport in me. muacks! -080807-1812 Tuesday, August 07, 2007
i couldn't imagine nor the least believing that she's such a bitch!looks really deceive. the type of pure and innocent image was just a disguise upfront. what lies beneath was a scheming personality who laughs at people's bad. it's such a dismay that other people's downfall was a source of her windfall. why is she like that? my hair just stood up when i looked back at the days when we were in the same clique (though it was a for awhile, god bless) i really couldn't couldn't figure out why? the rest of the people and even i had no feud with her whatsoever but she's just so happy to see us crawling and struggling through while she's gloating over her success on the peak. even one of the names mentioned is her good friend. double-sided. that's what i'm most displeased with yet it turned out to be reality in most people nowadays. not even the time of stepping into the working society has found me, i'm greeted with the typical politics you can commonly find. back-stabbing. most irksome yet most common. well, at least i'm exposed to it early now. to have a taste of what's going to be the beginning. and hence, i'm equipped with a caution machine. to look out and shield myself from the disgusting epidemic in the happening. god better bless her for she has offended too many people in her blog. a public enemy? that's obvious! i better not to have anything to do with her anymore. SIAM~! it's so so scary when you got shot down by an arrow without knowing where and how it came from. & worst of all is when you die of it. on the lighter note, it will be useful if you master the skill of jevaline (i think is wrong spelling). 'coz you can aim and throw the arrow far far away, back to the shooter and shoot her back. & she dies of it. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. a tooth for a tooth. -070807-0141 Saturday, August 04, 2007
wah..why like that?why am i so forgetful? you know what? he gave me another apple just now. i was so damn happy manz! was thinking deep inside in my heart "good. now i have two apples in my fridge liao.." i held it in my hand, feeling the warmth that it brought. i turned it in all directions, playing with it, admiring it, feeling damn cocky that i have an apple. just then i had nature's call. & after coming out from the loo, i left without even remembering about the apple. it was only when i reached tg pagar that it striked upon my memory. C saw that i panicked just now and i was frantically digging into my bag. he thought that i lost my mobile, but in fact it was just an apple. nope, that wasn't any ordinary fuji apple. it was a very special apple from him... heard from him that it was eaten up by david. :( my apple~ he didn't send me home tonight. but i thought that this would be better 'coz i need some distance away from him, if not... .... .. . i do not want to land myself in a situation whereby i can't live or do without him. perhaps the distance is just right this way. i wonder if he ever noticed that we're not talking in the usual manner these few days. hope he won't think that i'm angry or upset with him. i don't know why, others said i pout. it's not that i pouted, but seriously there's nothing for me to laugh of. now, i just want to escape from your eyes. NYSTAGMUS: jerking eye movements. that's what i wanna do to prevent any eye contact. my feelings are in total inverted motion! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -0040807-0117 Wednesday, August 01, 2007
rushing through the hours..hell taxing.. even one of my hair strands turned white! (only about 2/10 of the hair length) you see.. err..may not look too obvious here though. i almost freaked out manz! (*mommy!! i have white hair!!!! gosh!*)  but.. to comfort myself out of this disturbing truth, i suddenly recalled that the apple is still there in the fridge.  the apple stayed in the fridge to remind me of your presence. yes, i couldn't bear to eat it.the more i look at it, the more mentally sound i become. (thank god) haha. other than the apple, there's still the wu gui, which i hugged to sleep every dawn. the feeling of attachment is tantamount to the closeness that i hope will come true someday between us. and.. the mp3 player. i bring it with me all the time. all these small little things. i love them to the core. is you who gave the non-living life and significance. love ya XXXXX -010807-2321 |
