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stories biography escapes archives


the.girl


Im the classic virgoian who believes in perfection. Sometimes people dislike me because they find me acting too cold towards humans. Or maybe they just can't accept my high standards. So, love me or not, u decide.

Screams
Sunday, September 04, 2011
suppression is the highest level of tolerance it can go.
til the day when this endurance (which i've been trying so hard) ceased, you bet i'd either breakdown or erupt like a volcano.
i'm suppressing my emotions to the best i could but whenever someone throws the same question at me, it seems to expose my hatred which i'm trying to hide.
i don't want it to re-surface lest being called a petty person, by others.
and i also don't wish to face this all over again.

it's been a month.
a month of recuperation, supposedly, or maybe it's called a month of break.
well you guys might think i'm certainly having a good time slacking at home without even attempting to look for a new job.
but do you know that a month of recovery is not adequate?
i must have over-estimated my healing ability, thinking that i could get over those stuff easily.
who knows? i'm suppressing and so it's still somewhere there in me, at that little corner.
but those irksome same old questions bug me to feel its existence, forcibly, though i very much wanted to avoid it.

others may rebut that it's just a common reality lifestyle problem that not just me, but anyone else could have faced it in some part of their lives, so it's nothing big.
yes..somehow that's true but do you know that because of this, it has mutated into a certain form of phobia and fear?
this terrible incident left a BIG scar in my life and it matches to what adrian has said before though i didn't quite agree to it back then.
now that i think back, i gotta admit he's goddamn right.
it scarred me. :(

the real me is not so forgiving.
yea.
i'm turning to the devil.

i used to think that it should not matter to me that much.
but here, i'm going to say:
I HATE U!
I HATE U OF MAKING USE OF ME AND KICK ME ASIDE WHEN U DONT NEED ME!
I HATE HYPOCRITES!
I HATE THE FEELING OF BEING AN EXTRA!
FU*K YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it makes me HATE the world now.
hate the world for under-estimating my potential.
i'm not supposed to feel inferior
'cause i'll rise again.
and obviously those people who asked me that question, don't know me at all.

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