the.girl
Im the classic virgoian who believes in perfection. Sometimes people dislike me because they find me acting too cold towards humans. Or maybe they just can't accept my high standards. So, love me or not, u decide.
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shit.
these few days will not be my days.hasnt been feeling good.dont know what shit ive eaten.and worst of all is the outbreak.it came again.think its gonna stay for 1 week or so.depending on how serious it is this time round.
talking about yesterday...im gonna fail genopt.indeed there isint much calculations but most of them are proving questions.fuck la.each question is 10 marks.crappppp....and during the test my stomach hurts like hell....really not my day.however,human biochem test was really smoothsailing.hope i can get good grades for that because i have confidence in it.today i almost get knocked down by a bicycle...luckily its not a car.i was walking along the pathway,dont know whats on my mind either,until a bicycle charged from the opposite direction.the cyclist had rung the bell but i just didnt hear it.so risky......then the cyclist quickly turned away from me.phew.....imagine this.what if im crossing the road at that time?surely get knocked down.yy words are true.never cross a road with a distracted mind.now then i finally understood.what was i thinking at that moment exactly?????perhaps genopt?perhaps monkie?possible.geez.im at my lowest level now.low self-esteem,low confidence,low energy....my battery is running low than usual.I MUST PERK MYSELF UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!there will be a movie gala thingy for optometry students from this year's batch.my whole class is going.there will also be free dinner.see how it goes tonight.see whether my mood will be better or not.i cannot be dependent on him.i am me.he is he.unless we are one,i cannot depend totally on him.
-310506-0840
today i went to look for daddy at his office.decided to do that when the genopt practical was postponed to week 11,and the lecture only lasted for 1hr.so practically i went to school today just for an hr's lesson.WELL DONE.its still not so bad for me.i sympathise with those who live in the east or west or something and had to travel a long way to school just for 1 hr's lesson.people like sheryl who travels 2hr mrt journey.then she was complaining in the mrt..LOL..i actually thought of going back home,but the thought of having to study for the tests just irked me.i am an avoider.i know that myself.i love to run away from reality and have to deceive and hoax myself that there are no tests so hence,no need to study.what a bad habit!i must change it!!!!!since in the end i chose to look for daddy,i might as well study there.but too bad,i only bring genopt lect 6 notes and tutorial.how to study like that?!LOL...in the end i just study those notes in his office.during daddy's break time,we went to tg pager plaza together to buy some snacks.i bought muffins and cappucino from chocolat 'n spice.........i love their muffins.as for the cappucino,well.....all i can say is that it was just a pathetic small cup of coffee.i bought 4 muffins.2 were eaten today and the rest will be my breakfast tomorrow.HEHEEE...a thought flashed through my mind.i was thinking whether i should drop by keppel tower and go inside the training centre to visit PEOPLE....but dropped the idea anyway because i had a bad experience last time when i wanted to visit them.i was not allowed to..alright.i understand.people have their own plight too.shall not impose too much on other people.oh dear..i miss the training centre.miss the entire joyful atmosphere.the kind of impression which lingers in everyone's memory,including mine.im tired now.finally finished my revision for genopt.hoooooray........chris ng said that tomorrow's test will not have too much calculations..hope he keep his word.haha..hope i can remain calm and both of tomorrow's tests will be smoothsailing and easy for me.hope that i will be fresh tomorrow morning to take genopt test.siao....its 8.30 am man....[to monkie:my motivation comes from you.......do you know that?where does my motivation to take prelims and o's last year come from?where does my perseverance to continue taking a math come from when i keep failing it over and over again?what is my energy booster?who gave me the will to carry on?its no one else,but YOU....never mind.i dont think you know and will be interested to know either.its not your business anyway.its foolish sylvia's.]-300506-0024
oh gosh................im suffocating from all those stress that is comin' my way now..i can feel the intensity of it...ive studied for 6 hrs today..n im not gonna stop there..will study later...whats with those tests n quizzes man?there are 3 tests in total for next week.2 on tuesday n the other on wednesday.what the hell...both human biochem n genopt are on the same day.so stressssss....especially genopt.so many formulas to remember.from the day i study physics,i have never liked this subject before..n stupid genopt is all about physics..OMG...cut me some break man!6 chapters to study for genopt..n each chapter gets harder than the one before..more n more formulas that are tearing my brain apart..especially chapter 6..ive missed his lesson n i was in total blank when chris ng continued teaching.ffl n bfl...OMG....im goin' crazy.human biochem has 4 chapters to study n ive finished studying 3...i will finish the last one tonight.still not so bad...as for anatomy n physiology,i still left chapter 2 to study..finished chapter 1,3 n 4 already...quite happy about it...i havent touch on genopt yet...really no mood..but had to do so..after wednesday i will be freed!after school we are going to watch da vinci code for free and has free dinner too!so happy.last night i attended some distant cousin's wedding dinner at sheraton tower.this was the most rainbow wedding dinner ive ever attended.the moment you step into the ballroom,you will feel as if you've entered a sacred place..somewhat resembles heaven...i drank liquor for the very first time..i asked my daddy for fun wheher i could drink red wine too and to my surprise he agreed without any thinking.i was so shocked man.....the taste was a little spicy n bitter.as the wine travels down my throat,i could feel a burning feeling..quite cool...i guess im addicted to it already..i love it..yy challenged me..saying that the next time i will go chiong..i said no i wont..well who knows right?haha..im tired..energy level is running low.just feel like sleeping n dont ever wake up..forever n ever...........................................................im persevering until the holidays come..but holidays also does not mean time to enjoy for me..gotta 4 projects to complete.really stressful...............i need monkie.i really do.remember last year when i had tests n major exams,i will email him..wanting him to wish me all the best n even if he never say,his email alone is enough to give me the strength to hang on.but he said those encouraging words anyway=)i really need those words from him now..but im scared that i will be disturbing him..since coaching,i saw that he is very busy with his work and how tough training gets for him.so i dont want to disturb him and add on to his burden..with an email less to read,he can save time for many other things...i need him as my energy booster.just a word from him will be more than enough.he used to send me smiles but recently i sent him one n he didnt reply...haiz.................................................................what happen?coaching has started for the public camps...i didnt coach for this holiday...that means i will not be seeing him...WHAT THE HELL?!i miss him soooo much but how can i ever tell him?and what if i told him?he will just be cool about it and left only me feeling sad.does that mean i will never get a chance to tell him how i feel about him?perhaps the day will come when i finally can accept rejection.certainly not now because i dont know how i will react.but i guess just as much that he already knows that i like him.then why is he keeping dumb about it?he can just tell me straight in my face so that i can let go sooner.monkie....................................................................i like you....can you hear my inner screams?-280506-2102
| You Are Sunrise | 
You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.
You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.
Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.
All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be. |
| Your Values Profile | 
Loyalty:
You don't really value loyalty.
In your opinion, friendship should be earned.
If you don't agree with someone, it doesn't matter how close you are.
You'll let them (and everyone else know) exactly what you think.
Honesty:
You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."
Generosity:
You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!
Humility:
You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person.
But occasionally your ego takes over.
You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.
Tolerance:
You value tolerance a fair amount.
You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.
You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.
And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe. |
| Your Power Color Is Lime Green | 
At Your Highest:
You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.
At Your Lowest:
You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.
In Love:
You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.
How You're Attractive:
Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.
Your Eternal Question:
"What else do I need in my life?" |
| Your Eyes Should Be Violet | 
Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure
What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion |
| You Are a Dreaming Soul | 
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
| You Are 71% Addicted to Love | 
Might as well face it, you're very addicted to love.
But you're not really getting the deep love you seek.
Short lived, dramatic relationships are more your style.
Let go of needing someone, and you may find someone you actually want. |
| The Keys to Your Heart | 
You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
| Your Heart Is Pink | 
In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.
Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.
Your flirting style: Coy
Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park
Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant
What you bring to relationships: Romance |
| You Are Lightning | 
Beautiful yet dangerous
People will stop and watch you when you appear
Even though you're capable of random violence
You are best known for: your power
Your dominant state: performing |
talking about 2 days ago..ms oringa cannot make it for crs lesson n she postponed it to friday..while mrs tan cannot push her lesson forward.so we had a 5hr break on thursday..AWESOME!!!!!at first we wanted to pon math lesson but think back,we have a test next week,so its better to atend the lesson..a few of us went to clementi kbox........n it was only then that i realised that kbox has klunch...haha..not bad la..but the lunch is not filling de..we had delifrance tuna puffs..thats all.we had a thrashing fun time there..all of us became so high~shouting n screaming..LOL..especially the guys..OMG...maybe the next time we go to ktv together with them,we can consider bringing headphones....crazy lor..they actually shouted into the mics.....especially lao chen..for no rhyme or reason,he will suddenly get so high~n shouted..poor qinghui.she sat beside him n her eardrums are bursting..LOL..as for andrew..he can sing those high pitch songs...pro-er than the girls..now then i discover haojin has a good singing vocals..her vocal was like those sharp sharp one..not bad..si hui loves SHE so much man....the first 10 songs she chose were SHE songs...until andrew n guys could not tolerate..HAHA..there were a few songs that gotten us real high.........abnormally high..all of us sang "its my life" n "only love" together..in fact its shouting into the mic..LOL..when ruth returned from the ladies,the staff outside complained that our room was too noisy..but we also heck care..kana sai..luckily they never come in and spoil our mood..[i wish to master shan hu hai and sing it with monkie]-270506-0757
i just love miss lek's lecture.she will always end earlier.hees.her lecture today was supposed to end at 3pm but she ended at 2.40pm.all of a sudden i missed suat hoon.havent seen her for quite some time.'n maybe because i miss a particular place in crescent..which is the PAT..yeah indeed it brought back a lot of fond memories whenever i stepped into that room.that was the place when i first met monkie.a bad impression of him at first,but god knows why ive fallen for him in the end.today was cca photo-taking..suat hoon stationed at the foyer to control the crowd.after everything ended,we went to PAT..no one was there.suat hoon played the piano..i took the mic 'n sang..it was awesome ya know?she was playing a chinese oldie,while i could sing jay chou's wu ding at the same time.i was not disturbed intially but i lost my concentration in the end..haha..a junior said i looked like 21 years old...OMG..so does it mean i look old or matured?but i dont mind looking more matured if it means looking more compatible with monkie.i dont want people to think that im his lil sister or what..wishful thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!its impossible anyway to be with him=(oh ya..today i met a lunatic.a crazy man..i alighted at the red hill mrt station and was walking down the stairs.suddenly a man walked beside me and asked me something.he asked me(in chinese):have you scattered a net to catch fish?it was bizarre.why on earth would a stranger ask me such a weird question.i was dumb to answer 'no'.i thought he was doing a survey or what,asking people about fishing experience.after asking,he giggled 'n RAN off..crazy!'n as he ran,he kept looking back at me.WHAT THE FUCK!i was thinking about that question very hard.even as i was walking to crescent,i was thinking all along.i still failed to get an answer.later i asked suat hoon about it.'n she said that the man must have perceived me as a loose woman,who threw myself at others 'n to hook men.in other words,he must have taken me as a hooker.'coz i threw a net to catch fishes(men).FUCK la!!!!!!!!!does i look like one by the way?NO WAY!im not a loose woman.oh well,"live 'n let live"..."be the bigger person 'n let go"~monkie.words 'n wisdom by monkie which i will never forget........anger management.....-230506-1959
hmm..yesterday after a&p practical,we had 2hr+ break..it was supposedly a 2hr break,but our group ended earlier..so yeah..got to leave earlier.all of us went to clementi to eat 'n play..the kopitiam was so hot..the stupid fan was not blowing in my direction..until i was sweating like nobody's business.the "fantastic" thing was that i was wearing a white blouse 'n as i sweat it gets abit transparent..geez.can see through abit.LOL.after eating,we went to the arcade.the boys as usual went to initial d...what's the thrill behind it?i still cant get it.later then i figure out that guys are guys..so typical of them to love car racing 'n such stuff.only lao chen went to play the machine gun game.dont really know whats the name of the machine..later he let me TRY..it will be very fun if the gun is not so heavy.lao chen could carry it with one hand,but i have to use both hands.yet i still find it heavy 'cause my arms were aching after that.LOL..sihui 'n qinghui also played daytona...i used lao chen's card to play too..but i sux at that..keep crashing into other cars and knocking at the sides.-.-'n i won the last position.40th...LOL..thats me.really bad at driving.but i still want to earn a car driving license next year.i MUST get one.wooooHOooo...the real fun then began.ping han booked 2 pool tables..so cool~actually at first when i stepped into the arcade,i told myself that i want to play pool..my hands itch..haha..cant resist the temptation..but when i saw those pro pro guys playing,i changed my mind..HAIZ...what happen to my self-esteem??????since ping han has booked the tables,then i dont want to be a wet blanket.i played 2 games with qing hui..close fight..but i lost anyway..yesterday was not my day..my form was not there..every game left like 1:2 balls only..lao chen was practising pool at another table..the way he shoots was really hilarious..he's not shooting,in fact he's sweeping the ball..haha..but most beginners are also like that.so its not suprising...in the end,i had a game with him..'n i WON!!!!!woooHOOOO...my form finally came back..andrew,eddie 'n ping han said i pro,and ping han asked me whether i play pool everyday..LOL..its just pure luck.so happy anyway..we were late for chris ng's genopt lecture...haha..some took bus,some took train back to school..in the end we were 20 mins late..WELL DONE!...but chris ng never said anything..phew.....when we reached the lecture room,we were sweating like mad...all busy taking out tissue paper to wipe away the sweat..SO BUSY!!LOL...playing pool was so FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-230506-1110
i just reached home.so tired..but it was worthwhile.today i went out with angel and gorgor,because gorgor wanted to hand us the gifts he bought for us from thailand..very nice 'n special indeed.it was a necklace with a "s" pendant while angel has a similar one but with a "a" pendant..thanks gor..we really appreciate the gift alot=)we met at cineleisure to eat first..later we went shopping while waiting for kyrie..haha..kyrie is the new friend ive made..hehe..the harry potter..i bought a monkey bag..so cute!!!!!I GOT A MONKEY BAG!!WOOOHOOO!!later we went to kbox..omg..angel can sing well can...i think she can consider pursue a singing career...halfway through,pearlynn joined us..haha..i met another new person..after singing,actually we were about to part our own ways..gorgor go back to office to take books 'n go to chongzheng primary while me 'n angel continue shopping....'n ta-dang~suddenly angel thought of going to that primary school too..OK...so we took train together with gor..we alighted at tampines mrt station..after that,we sort of lost our way coz we didnt know how to get to that school..we asked around for directions but weird enough,none of the people actually know where's the location of the school..in the end we took a cabbie..saw danny,wayne,yy 'n daniel..so har-pie..mizz them like hell man..especially for angel...danny did the closing ceremony..so sad that monkie left earlier..wrong timing man..no fate..but nevertheless,danny did a wonderful job!i guess he must be very touched when his mother 'n aunts actually came down to see him train..'n his mother was so sporting..haha..me 'n angel sobbed during the last part when the kids hugged their parents..we were so touched that tears just formed naturally in our eyes.there was a particular scene i was most touched by.the mother actually opened her arms,initiating a hug when her daughter walked to her..on our way home,me,gorgor 'n angel shared the same cabbie..we dropped angel first,then me 'n gor went back to office to put back the stuff..saw ramesh 'n a group of people there..the first thing ramesh said was:you look pretty!...haha..it was a tiring day..yawnz..but i enjoyed it totally..i guess next monday to wednesday,me 'n angel will go back to that school again to see another round of training for another batch of class..heard that melvin 'n wayne were training..hope monkie will train too,then i can see him..[thought of the day:why didnt i hug daddy during the closing ceremony?am i too afraid 'n conscious about losing face or pride?though i didnt hug him,i did hold his hands.he too,could see that at that time i was crying real badly.at least in his smile,i could see that he understood what i want to say completely.mutual understanding?maybe.though words didnt come out from my mouth in the end,it came from my heart...wordless yet fully understood. ]-200506-2356
ytd was the official skirt-day for my class.wooooHOoo..all the girls looked so chio lor..hehe.i nv see qing hui 'n sihui wear skirt b4,'n ytd they looked so chio can..some wear mini denim skirts,some wear longer skirts..bt nevertheless still look so pretty.the day b4 i teased the guys to wear skirts oso to match us..i said they can go 'n wear sarongs..haha..not much of a hassle either.just wrap around will do the job..hahahahaha..i know im evil.HEES.tt joshua sng hor..was weird.dont know how to spell my name see classlist la..anyhow spell my name until from sylvia becomes to cilia tan.whatever.until everyone laughed at me.i guess tts revenge for me.for calling andrew pseudostratified ciliated columnar epithelium.haha..now its my turn to be cilia.>.< i was so unlucky can?!my shoe strap almost snapped..bt luckily it manage to stay intact until i got home.i tot of goin to buy a pair of slippers from the mini bazaar in school,but by the time i reached the convention centre,they were alrdy packing up.what the..?!then later i tot of taking a cabbbie home.i was 2nd in the taxi queue.but kana sai.no cabbie.wait for like 30 mins..until i bo bian..walk to the bus stop to take the bus..but i was praying real hard that my shoe strap wont snap yet.'coz i had a bad experience like this b4...i rmb there was once i was shoppin in great world city,then halfway thru,my shoe strap snapped.then its like i was frantically looking for the nearest shoe shop.i was dragging my feet along with the broken-strapped slippers..so ugly 'n embarrassing lor..people were looking at me..hais.-200506-1117
| You Are Balanced - Realist - Empowered | You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally.You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go.Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control.Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow.
You are a realist when it comes to luck.You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...But you do your best to try to make your own luck.
You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order.You realize that working the system does get you further.You know who to defer to and who to control.When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly. |
The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test
| What Your Face Says |  At first glance, people see you as confident and determined.
Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic.
With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.
In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.
In stressful situations, you seem sad and helpless. |
What Do People Think Of Your Face?
| Your Brain's Pattern |  Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white. |
What Pattern Is Your Brain?
| Your Inner Blood Type is Type B |  You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day.Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable.And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success.You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible.
You are most compatible with: B and AB
Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio and |
When you feel the sunlight fade into the cold night Don't know where to turn Don't know where to turn And all the dreams you are dreaming seem to lose their meaning Let me in your world Baby let me in your world All you need is someone who you can hold Don't be sad, you are not alone I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somewhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for youIn this world of strangers Of cold unfriendly faces Someone you can trust Oh there's someone you can trust I'll be your shelter I'll give you my shoulder Reach out for my love Baby reach out for my love Call out my name and my heart will hear I'll be there There is nothing to fear I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somewhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somewhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somwhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for you I will be here for you -160506-2104
Watch my life,Pass me by,In the rear view mirrorPictures frozen in timeAre becoming clearerI don't wanna waste another dayStuck in the shadow of my mistakesYeah...[Chorus]Cause I want you,And I feel you,Crawling underneath my skinLike a hunger,Like a burning,To find a place I've never beenNow I'm broken,And I'm faded,I'm half the man I thought I would be:But you can have what's left of meI've been dying inside,Little by little,No where to go,But going out of my mindIn endless circles,Running from my self until,You gave me a reason for standing still[Chorus]It's falling faster,Barely breathing,Give me something,To believe inTell me: It's not all in my headTake what's leftOf this manMake me wholeOnce again[Chorus]I've been dying inside you seeI'm going out of my mindOut of my mindI'm just running in circles all the timeWill you take what's leftWill you take what's leftWill you take what's left of me?Running in circles in my mindWill you take what's leftWill you take what's leftWill you take what's left of me?-110506-2057
o well,life goes on.i move on with it.poly has started.orientation week was over.now the real school term begins.i will be busy all over again.is it good or bad?i think both ways account.it is good because i will have loads of homework to do i presume,and these will keep my mind occupied from those past misery.in that case,my blues will be lessened by quite a bit.maybe a little bit or maybe entirely.i dont know.at least i may wake up from my beautiful dream,feeling glad that i didnt fall too badly.im just a little injured,a little hurt,like a child whinning in one small corner.eventually,i will stop.time shall heal my heart.however,even if the wound stops bleeding,scabs form and it leaves an ugly and eternal scar behind.hopefully it does remind me to learn from the past and move on to the future.i will wake up from my dreamland or the so-called lala land.i open my eyes to see the coming of the sun.the sun is beautiful,so is life afterall.its just that at times we didnt stop and appreciate what its all about,thats all.the bad thing is that i will have homework to do..very contradicting..haha.yeah.stress comes..but i must learn to cope and manage with it.
the battle begins!i can do it!i fight for victory!-160406-1734
Used to be so easy to give my heart away. But I found out the hard way, there's a price you have to pay. I found out that love was no friend of mine. I should have known time after time. So long, it was so long ago, but I've still got the blues for you. Used to be so easy to fall in love again. But I found out the hard way, it's a road that leads to pain. I found that love was more than just a game. You're playin' to win, but you lose just the same. So long, it was so long ago, but I've still got the blues for you. So many years since I've seen your face. Here in my heart, there's an empty space where you used to be. So long, it was so long ago, but I've still got the blues for you.Though the days come and go, there is one thing I know. I've still got the blues for you. -090406-0851
its been a long long day for me.and im feeling tired now.time reads 2339 hrs.a few minutes more and the day will pass just like that.i woke up at 6am in the morning and reached school at 7.30am to help mr loh with the funfair.ive never woke up so early before since now its my vacation.going to school with an empty stomach,both cindy and me went to mobil to buy food.but one thing that touched my heart was that mr loh bought breakfast for us.its normal kaya toasts and coffee.however,they tasted wonderful because the kind thought from him was very much appreciated.cindy,suat hoon and me went to the PAT after that and its karaoke time for us.suat hoon sang.i sang.this was the second time i held the mike and sang.what a joy!moving on,the dunking event was rather hilarious and enjoyable to see teachers getting all wet and drenched.however in this event,i saw the spontaenity of them,even to the extent that some teachers didnt mind getting dunked again and again.i guess a dip or two in the water can be a way to relieve stress.suat hoon,cindy,xiling and me went to sit the mini viking.i found that not exhilarating enough though,but its got suat hoon screaming from head to toe already until her entire face was red.suddenly i thought of gorgor when he shouted and shouted during the school programme and got his face red too.lol.then we moved on to take a ride at the foyer carpark.i dont know whats the name of the ride but it was something that made me never wanting to "try" again.the ride was longer than usual for us until suat hoon had to shout STOP.that was horrifying.i earnt the experience of feeling my heart being on the verge of popping out and getting bruises on my shoulder and elbow.ouch.but we all had a great time screaming with all our might.back to dunking,mr loh,mr gary tan and mrs lee were dunked.big fountain-like splashes by mr tan..haha..finally gorgor came 'cause of the promise he made to me.im glad he kept it though he had to go and sell books at bowen sec later in the day.today was the first time i heard him sing.especially the song "wu1 ding3".so nice and how i wish to sing duet with him next time when we go ktv.or maybe "shan1 hu2 hai3" is a good option too 'cause its my favourite.gorgor left at 12 plus.though the time together was short,it was heartwarming for me as his presence and actions proved to me that he kept his promise indeed. [to gorgor:thanks alot.although you said that i made you enter a "zei2 chuan2" and that you shouldnt have promise me anything too early,i know that you are teasing me.thanks=)i love you.]a sec 4 girl asked me how come only gorgor was the only one here today.the only reply i could give her was that the rest were busy.yup.it would be better and more fun if the rest were here.disappointment indeed.cindy,grace and i went to have dinner at the Amara Hotel burger king 'cause of the promotion of bags and accessories downstairs.since this was the first time grace came to tanjong pagar area,we brought her around.grace wanted to see some office buildings,so we brought her to anson road.in front of the CapitalMall we sat and we chit-chatted like usual.it seemed that this time round we talked longer.well, [to grace and cindy:thanks for accompanying me and always be there for me.thanks for lending me your ears.im sure you can sense my mood at that moment right?yup.those stuff had never gotten out of my mind.they stayed and created this grey grey world of mine.anyway,you guys are the ones my soul would most likely turn to in times of confusion and uncertainty because you all gave me trust which i can believe in.i love you both.]last but not least i also wanna give my hearfelt appreciation and thanks to yy.[to yy:scoldings made me numb.people scolded me,told me off right in my face,persuaded me,consoled me etc..but none works.i know that you have the welfare of my heart and you want me to learn to let go.i understand that.i'll wake up soon.thanks for your concern.i love you.][to cindy and grace:i saw no evil..you both understand what i mean?lol.]its yet another night to sleep through and reflect on what i did for the day.i think i saw the different sides of people around me.be it in school or somewhere else.time reads 0034hr.its the beginning of a new day.take a deep breath and i shall start this day afresh.gone were yesterday's and last night's happenings.i wished some happened and some didnt.-080406-2339
Met you by surprise I didn't realize that my life would change forever Saw you standing there didn't know I care there was something special in the air Dreams are my reality the only kind of real fantasy illusions are a common thing I try to live in dreams it seems as if it's meant to be. Dreams are my reality a different kind of reality I dream of loving in the night and loving seems all right although it's only fantasy. If you do exist, honey don't resist show me a new way of loving Tell me that it's true, show me what to do I feel something special about you. Dreams are my reality, the only kind of reality Maybe my foolishness is past and maybe now at last I'll see how the real thing can be Dreams are my reality, a wondrous world where I like to be I dream of holding you all night and holding you seems right perhaps that's my reality. Met you by surprise, didn't realize that my life would change forever Tell me that it's true, feelings that are new I feel something special about you. Dreams are my reality, a wondrous world where I like to be illusions are a common thing I try to live in dreams although it's only fantasy Dreams are my reality, I like to dream of you close to me I dream of loving in the night and loving you seems right perhaps that's my reality-270306-2157
i told suat hoon that many a times people enter and walk out of our lives.to be exact,they are mere passers-by.the problem is that sometimes we dont want certain people to walk out just like that.we wish that we can have the power to stop them and better re-introduce them to our lives.its really hard to forget someone especially when he/she still lingers in our memory now and then.contradicting as it is,some people choose to forget because perhaps of some painful experiences they have gone through.but doesnt that one person mean a lot to us before?i remind myself to forget those past,that everything was over and nothing would come out from this impossible dream.yes i do admit that there were times when memories of him faded a little bit.however,all seems to come back again in no time.ITS IMPOSSIBLE.IMPOSSIBLE.IMPOSSIBLE.STOP DREAMING.WAKE UP.oh god,stop playing this joke on me can?its not fun at all.i need a memory eraser badly.geez.what do i really wish for?i have no idea.why am i moving towards an impossible dream?its purely an illusion.it may be beautiful but none is going to happen.i gotta move on.with my mind sealed with memories of him only?if he's not the one,then why does my heart feel this way? -270306-2345
every time i think of you.i get a shot right through.into a bolt of blue.it's no problem of mine.but it's a problem i find.living the life that i can't leave behind.there's no sense in telling me.the wisdom of a fool won't set you free.but that's the way that it goes.and it's what nobody knows.and every day my confusion grows.
every time i see you falling.i get down on my knees and pray.i'm waiting for the final moment.you say the words that i can't say.i feel fine and i feel good.i feel like i never should.whenever i get this way.i just don't know what to say.why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday.
i'm not sure what this could mean.i don't think you're what you seem.i do admit to myself.that if i hurt someone else.then i'll never see just what we're meant to be.-250306-2300
there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth.there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.it's still a little hard to say what's going on.
there's still a little bit of your ghost your witness.there's still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed.you step a little closer each day.that i can't say what's going on.
stones taught me to fly.love taught me to lie.life,it taught me to die.so it's not hard to fall.when you float like a cannonball.
there's still a little bit of your song in my ear.there's still a little bit of your words i long to hear.you step a little closer to me.so close that i can't see what's going on.
stones taught me to fly.love,it taught me to lie.life taught me to die.so it's not hard to fall.when you float like a cannon..
stones taught me to fly.love taught me to cry.so come on courage.teach me to be shy.'cause it's not hard to fall.and i don't wanna scare her.
it's not hard to fall.and i don't wanna lose.it's not hard to grow.when you know that you just don't know.-250306-0115
 oh well,im cooping myself in the room now,facing my computer.the air outside my house is real bad.its all smoky and hazy.god knows why this is so.i guess its probably due to the upgrading works opposite my block.the air stinks.smelly.my computer is playing pastel reflections now.soothing music yea.i just came back from my granny's house upstairs.i hugged her but she seemed uncomfortable with hugging and stuff.so my hug was like a lemontree hug.never mind about that.i saw something "interesting" happened just now.my 2 aunties bathed for my grandpa.no joke man.they wore masks which made them look really like nurses.i cant help my grandpa with the bathing 'cause the toilet was already packed with 3 people and there's no space for another person to squeeze in.so,i just stood aside.this was the first time i saw a naked body.that of my grandpa.at that instant,something crossed my mind.how come my grandpa who is 87 year old behaves like a kid?a kid who loves water and to play with it.worse of all,he is afraid of soap and when my aunts helped to wash his hair,he covered his ears.the scene was like..erm...comical at first.we may laugh but im sure none of us feels good about it.its totally true when people often say that old people turn into kids at a certain age.for example:wanting some things badly NOW.not a second or minute later.its all NOW NOW NOW.well,after bathing,my grandpa gotta wear diapers once again.isnt it weird to see a big man wearing diapers?its like returning to the days when we are still little critters.he doesnt even have a choice to make.he cant choose.its absolutely necessary for him to wear diapers.i passed him his towel but my granny asked me to wash my hands immediately with dettol.alright.all i want to say is sickness is terrible.seeing our loved ones suffer makes the people around feel lousy.life moves on but there isint enough time for my grandpa.time is a limiting factor.another thing which i saw just now made me feel emotional.i saw one photo on my granny's dresser.it was a photo of my grandparents that was taken many years back.a black and white photo which was rather torn at the edges.my granny showed me the photo before and told me great stories about the past.however,i dont think i see her taking out the photo so often last time.now,it is on her dresser.i guess thats her method of keeping memories alive?maybe.house is a building made up of four walls.but home is built of love and memories.-130306-1530
Hero -Mariah careyThere's a hero If you look inside your heart You don't have to be afraid Of what you are There's an answer If you reach into your soul And the sorrow that you know Will melt away And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you It's a long road When you face the world alone No one reaches out a hand For you to hold You can find love If you search within yourself And the emptiness you felt Will disappear And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you Lord knows Dreams are hard to follow But don't let anyone Tear them away Hold on There will be tomorrow In time You'll find the way And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you -120306-0745
there is no such thing as FOREVER.this is it.this is a fact that all of us have to accept.lets face it then.however,it hurts and pains my heart.since the day mankind is created,why must all human beings be trapped in this viscious cycle between life and death?why must we have to go through this painful process of losing our loved ones,worse of all is to witness them leaving us with our very own eyes?i fear.i fear.i fear for this day to come 'cause im not the least mentally prepared for this torment.however recently,i realise that this day is approaching,and its all happening very fast.as days pass,i am even more afraid.i shiver at this thought of facing death of my loved one.as i do my best to make his remaining days be as memorable as possible,like spending more time with him,he does not even recognise me.this is so sad.he mistook someone else as me.then in his eyes,who is the girl who stands in front of him?who am i to him anymore?a mere stranger?or maybe even better.i dont know.imagine this.this person has been dear to you and been there with you for these 17 years of your life.suddenly now this person does not even recall the least bit about you and asks this:who are you?your heart sinks.true?my heart sinks too.
he only knew that he has a grand-daughter named sze ling,ah ling.he forgot her looks and everything.he always asks:when will sze ling be back for dinner?is she in school?is she at work?did she take care of herself?does she have enough money?if not i can give her some money.(in teochew)
i remember that i used to hate my granddad when i was a child 'cause he had a fiery temper and roared at us with vulgarities.vulgarites,mind you.its harsh.i hated him then for not being a granddad like others who love their grandchildren like mad.i could not feel the tenderness of such love at all.well then..he does nag 'til now.he would always grab my hand and asked me to stand beside him and talk to him .i got frustrated when the talking became asking STUPID questions like have you eaten n stuff like that.i guess that he could feel me wanting to get away from his grab badly.now i want to grab his hand badly,but none of my family members agree to it.they say that its poisonous.if i accidentally touch him,i will have to wash my hand with some antiseptic soap.i REGRET.regret for not cherishing the times when he held my hand,for not feeling the warmth of his palms.its too late now?
his days are numbered.he's only waiting for the day to die.thats scary for me.i worry whether i can see him on his deathbed or whether he will leave all of us silently.just silently.i dont know when this fateful day will come but i pray to see him alive everyday.at least to see him still sitting in the living room every morning,everytime i go and visit him.
he wishes to see everyone now.his daughters and sons and grandchildren and great grandchildren.he loves to see us visit him now unlike in the past.for the past 2 months plus,i was caught up in my work and had no time to visit him.1 month since i started working,the first time i saw him was in SGH.very sad.now i want to spend more time with him.have dinner at home every night.even if im slightly late,i still want to have dinner with my family.whenever i visit my grandma nowadays,i will never fail to give her a hug.a hug which means i love you.i appreciate you.im grateful that you are still there for me.
i wish time could give me a chance to make up for what i fail to appreciate in the past.
ah ma,ah gong.i love u both.please live and not to leave.
-120306-0832
 last last moment in taka square.all memories will be kept permanently in my heart.i promise.when i was doing packing,there was a sudden flashback of memories and this saddens me as i was again forced to face the fact that today was the final get-together.i was wondering whether all those lovely memories we shared in the same place will be washed away with time.i defintely hope not.after packing,laogong,me and vivian went to throw stuff away.walking in between them made me feel very fortunate 'cause i had both my laogong and laopo with me.we held hands...fortunate right?i love it.oh ya...i guess im numb to tickling already.now it has no effect whatsoever on me.laogong tickled me today but i didnt feel anything at all.HAHA.ok la...laogong is also not afraid of tickling.that makes us a perfect match?LOL.hmm...i think i will drop by taka more often now.not to shop.not to slack.but to meet up with my frends of course..i can go to lvl3 to find laogong...then maybe isetan scotts to find yuan...and other places..hees.*once my love,forever my love.-270206-1104
today is the end of taka fair.quite an experience i must say working in taka for the past 26 days.its amazing that two people can become close friends though having bad impression of another party initially.this happens to me.in whatever cases,never mind.we are all friends now...i could still vividly recall that everyone was doing their own stuff on the very day.only now and then will we exchange glances to notice what's each other is doing.other than that,all is "busy" doing their own stuff,not even bothering to move around to self-intro and make new friends.im such a person,one who does not take initiative to self-intro UNLESS i have a certain vibe for a particular person.its was pik feng who came and introduced himself to us...then the next thing we knew was that we were already crapping like some close close friends..haha..then i got to know friends from levis,dockers,surfer's paradise,chevignon,john curtis etc..then our firendship improved.i admit that i slacked and "eat snake"(that's what others would say) in their wagon.hiding in wagon allows me to eat my food secretly and use my hp and listening to gor's "Cry on my shoulder" and folding hearts and stars and best of all,self-pic...hehe.. i feel sad that everyone shall part and go our own ways from today onwards.but...i will defintely stay in touch with them.we can always meet up..no matter which phase of life we are in right now..my love<3laogong~:sam/laogong cum laopo:vivian/someone who waits for me(i think..):shawn/blue angel:shi rui/felicia/huiping/miki/peishan/my gor:darren/daxiong:wu quan/KS aka kio sai/alvin/benson/feng~:pik feng/walnut cum coconut:marcus/rachael/my partner:jun yuan/deh kor(underwear):lesnar/jiahao/sharon auntie/joni/jian ming-260206-0847
as im growing up,i feel that i seriously need freedom..and god,please guide me to the freedom which ive been waiting for.over the years ive been OVER-protected and stayed at home most of my lifetime.while other little kids are having a fun time playing,my childhood was a dull one.or should i say that i have no childhood at all?whenever i see little children running,screaming and having a crazy fun time,i will be full of envy for them.i made new friends at work and my social circle has widened quite a bit,at least.however,my lifestyle is still being restricted and controlled by my parents.curfew and stuff like that.i just wonder:does going home late mean that im a bad girl?i understand that all parents in the world are the same.they care and worry for us of course.but when can my parents start believing in me?believe that im still their girl.their child.who will practise discipline.who will be able to tell what is right from wrong.who gives them my word that i will not go astray.i did my best to persuade them,but none works.how come?im vexed up!WHY CANT THEY JUST GIVE ME THEIR T.R.U.S.T?i need to grow up and am doing so.my lifestyle will certainly change in the future and will i be a daddy's girl forever?where's my personal space?i cant forever be a three year old kid,can i?why cant parents change their worry and anxiety to something positive like placing greater faith and trust in their kids?isnt it better?i like it this way.its a win-win situation since both sides has loads of trust towards each other which improves the relationship.*a bird imprisoned in a cold metal cage.-260206-0815
cindy invited me,grace and her bro to her family's bbq.last night we really had lots of fun...the food was simply yum yum...i ate pumpkin for the first time.tasted like sweet potato.my favourite food was the banana coated with chocolate and the marshmallows.so delicious!i bbq my own marshmallows.it melted in my mouth like ice cream...so creamy...after several rounds of food we gotta walk around and move about so that we can digest those food and await other rounds of good food.its like a wedding banquet...the food is never-ending one.so we moved around and took pictures.alot alot.stupid but creative poses.haha...i met ray,anthony and jack for the first time.ray really resembles his sis,grace...same looks...then anthony is another joker man...told us a whole lot of ********* jokes...haha...crappy man...as for jack,hmmm....touched my hair...haha...funny lor...luckily i never tied my hair or else i would have to re-tie again.its time for log cake.yummy.poor ray had to eat two slices of cake.haha...this explains the advantage/disadvantage of being a guy.ya...the last part was the best!that was when we took those act cute pics...the traditional 1-10 poses.yipee~~.jack was bad.he only wanted to cast ray and anthony aside and take the pics of us,girls only.lol.the 'jumping' shot was the most difficult to take.we had to jump so many times in order to get the perfect shot.lol.anyway,thanks to all of you guys for making last night such a precious and wonderful moment to cherish.especially to cindy,thanks for doing your best to make me happy.=) -191205-0155
now i finally have the time to update my blog.yes.lets talk about the Haagen Dazs treat.me and serena went to plaza singapura on 16/12 to watch chicken little...i felt bad that she has to keep pestering me to accompany her to watch that movie.she has to remind me that how cute chicken little is and stuff like that.a good strategy to hint to me that chicken little is a MUST watch movie and no matter how busy i am,we must watch it still.after the movie,we went to the esplanade.although this was not the first time she has gone there,i still want her to understand why the esplanade is my 3rd home.it is more than just plain to the eyes that the esplanade is a relaxing place to chill out.i just have that feel of strong attachment and fondness to that place.we went to haagen dazs.for no rhyme or reason,i gave serena a treat.weird.perhaps im in a good mood.yeah maybe.i ate The Perfect Match and a cheesecake while serena ate Vienna Black Forest and a cheesecake.it was definitely a mouth-watering treat.yum yum.serena ate some of my Perfect Match...now you know...serena is quite a glutton...lol...we shared the "bread" together.it tasted a bit like roti prata though.talking about the drinks...fantastic man...we thought that it was plain water at first,then it turned out to be lemon juice.poor serena took a big gulp of it without knowing it was lemon juice and there she went complaining her about ulcer pain...lol...later we took a stroll along the esplanade,admiring the scenery.DUH.nahz...its just a normal stroll,thats all.i dont wanna talk about my problems anymore.its over.those tears i have shed is an indication of the ending to the past and the start to a new beginning.i gotta move on.though it hurts i still have to do so.i believe it will soon be over.just give me time.-191205-0126
to IAG1 coaches and trainers...HUGGIES <3-071205-2010
im so damn tired...these few days really shop until i almost gonna drop dead...now then i realise that shopping can be so taxing and tiring...its no good to be a shopaholic ya?i finally had a taste of what its like to be shopaholic...its no good...all thanks to the prom night that all of us had to shop so crazily...its freakin' me out...i had bought all my things..dress,boots,handbag,accessories...its all settled...thanks god...and cindy had finally found her clothes...i shant reveal anything...its gonna be a surprise...yeah man...chio bu worz..tomorrow will make a hairdo and go makeup...i wonder what x-factor actually means...but i want a g-factor...hehe...jokin'...
oh ya...by the way...cindy and i made a great discovery today...yipee...we finally found out the location where akltg is at...and yes we went there...just being plain busybodies...haha..and guess what...we saw amin!!!he saw us but didnt recognise us because he didn't knew us at the first place...i really 'pei fu' that security uncle...he knew right away that we were both looking for akltg...stylo man...i wonder how he can guess it correctly...was it that SOS is written all over our faces?or was it because we looked like those kids who attend the SK course?haha...the company was really huge...majestic!lol...when we walked past akltg,we even heard some clapping sound coming out from the inside...there must be a training going on...super kids...-241105-2324
what will one look out for in a spouse?appearance?or maybe something deeper than that?i enjoyed chatting with kok how.i learnt something from him actually though his analogy is always weird but quite true.i asked him whether people go for looks or inner beauty.he said that looks is no doubt an important factor,but it should not be the sole factor in finding a spouse.he compared this to apples.haha...he said that the whole cart of apples may look nice but god knows that they may already be rotten inside.he also added that he would not go for a girl with great looks but poor personality.i agree with what he said.to me,although love starts with physical attraction,it will not last long if this is only the case.its true and normal to admire someone on the outside by the clothes he/she wears,hairstyles etc.a nice appearance will definitely leave a good lasting first impression.however,relationship is built on something more than that.you may not have a good impression of someone but who knows one day you two might end up together?to me,our body is just like a hollow shell.it contains a soul,however,which makes up a complete human being.if the soul is ever to be taken out of it,it will become empty,a lifeless cover which means nothing.so how can looks determine our soul partner or how can it make a relationship lasts?how can physical appearance constitute true love then?true love is the union of two fated souls.both parties can even communicate non-verbally,which is something incredible.this is called telepathy.it occurs naturally without you even knowing that you have this ability of doing so.both parties can feel each other's existence even though they may be separated physically;read each other's thoughts without them saying out;doing the same things unintentionally...these happen because of an annonymous feeling,i think,or else who can explain how these happen?well,this should be the bonding at a spiritual level between two parties in love.
in whatever cases,one cant deny that we dont go for looks but we must not make it the determinant of a relationship.to me,everyone is unique in their own ways and we are like hidden gems in real life.each and everyone goes in search for a gem which may be hidden elsewhere.its like a present,ya?the wrapping paper may either look dull or attractive but this shall not stop us from unwrapping the present right?beneath a plain cover may lie a real gem,a treasure ya?life is full of unexpected surprises and we will never know what we may or may not be granted.it is through this slow process of unwrapping the gift can we be able to unravel the mystery that lies within.that occurs in love.whatever criteria one may have to look for a spouse like looks,he/she must still go through the slow process of getting to know the opposite party's true self.only then can we discover the rare and unique beauty that is wrapped up all these while...i guess this is far more beautiful than the outer looks. -211105-0137
haha...today i went to tbp with my cousin and dad just to see 5566...my first time of doing such things...i admit that i do have craze for idols just like any normal teenage girl.though ive always wanted to do silly things like chasing after the idols,i had not done so.so yes!today is the first time..quite an experience i should say...haha...the feeling of being squeezed and trapped within a pool of thousands of crazy fans...i had to take a lot of effort not to step onto someone's feet and also to avoid being stepped on the feet too...all i could say was that it was a huge crowd which seemed almost redundant for one to even look after her own safety.by the way all the fans are females...girls,women,aunties and even young kids...haha...i didnt know that 5566 can be auntie-killers too...haha...some people were really inconsiderate...in order to get a snapshot of 5566,they would try all means to squeeze their way through even to the extent of pushing others...many a time me and cousin were blocked by the 'big' heads in front...haha...then we saw a bench and yes,we climbed up on it...haha...we took turns to do so...we would use each other as a support...ya..i didnt know that my cousin can be so rough lor..haha...but she told me that that's the way to go man...haha...ya i agree...then when i climbed up onto the bench,my cousin asked me to lend her a support so that she could climbed onto the railing...haha...one leg on the bench and the other on the railing...haha...the auntie in front of us was so poor thing lor...kena stepped on the feet by my cousin...she kept looking back at us but weird thing was that she smiled at me...haha...the 5566 fans were so scary man...could even memorise the lyrics of the songs...wa...they were ardent fans indeed...me and my cousin did not manage to shake hands with 5566 cause we did not purchase the concert ticket and the bookmark so....haiz...but anyway today was a fruitful day for me as i took quite a lot of pics...yipee!!!5566 simply rocks...especially tony...-191105-2317
im really tired...very very tired...i sleep about 2-3 hours everyday lor...tired...its the 4th day le...i feel as if i cant bear with with it le...gonna break down soon i think...today i had a headache...sianz ar...i think i look abit like a panda now...panda eyes...im forcing and trying hard to stay awake...to study...
i truly need a booster now...and right now my booster will be him...i really miss him...i really do...and this adds on to my tiredness...haiz...but i really miss him a lot...wonder how is he...
i must persevere...i dont want to give up...i must faithfully believe in miracles...as long as i believe,will they happen to me(so easily)?i must continue believing in it...if i continue to hang on,will my efforts be paid off in the end?will he know how much i like him??????????????????????????????????????????????????????-101105-0105
to monkie:happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday happy birthday
happy birthday to you-091105-1650
what a day!yesterday when i was on my way to school,on bus 132,i met a 'wolf'.first time in my life lor...wth...its damn unlucky lor!this was what happened:
the queue at 132 was rather short and at that time,the bus interchange was quite quiet.it was 6 plus then(going to be 7)...i always had the habit of sitting at the backseat...and since there were not many people,i sat at the back then...ok...everythng was quite normal...nothing was amiss...then the 'wolf' boarded the bus too...i was not aware of that initially because i was looking out of the window...did not notice him...ok...this guy was no alien to me actually...during normal school days,i would always see him at the bus interchange too...however,this guy was very weird...let me emphasize again...he's weird!he's an indian...very dark...looks like a sri lankan...but hey...im not trying to be a racist here...but he really doesnt look like a local...then he looks like a student...but an over-age one...ya...got moustache ma...so i assume that he is a student...he would wear a white shirt and a blue pants...looks like uniform but not really is...no badge,no logo...NOTHING...wat kind of school is that lor?then he very stylo lor...dont need to bring schoolbag de lor...every morning would see him empty handed de lor..ya...indeed bring himself to school only...CRAP...the worst thing is he smokes...ya...he's the kind of attention seeker who would always loiter at the bus interchange..walk here and there while smoking...to seek people's attention to see how cool he is...wth...disgusting fella...i hate such people...i dont even bother to take another glance of him...ok..that is him...his characteristics that irk me...
back to the topic...ya...he boarded the bus...and of so many empty seats,he chose to sit at the back...same row as me...ok...whatever!sit sit lor...then hor...the backrow is so long...and you know where he sat?he sat at the center...ok fine!then he kept looking at me...his constant staring made me felt queasy and i pretended to look away by looking out at the window again...then this time,he moved closer and closer to me...hey...very obvious lor... my instinct told me that something was not quite right and i felt uneasy then...now i held on tightly to my bottle...preparing to hit him if he dared to do anything to me...i gripped onto it tightly...self defence...if he left me with no choice,i would not procrastinate to bash him up...
because of the growing uneasiness,i decided to get up and shifted to a new seat...ok...now i moved to the middle seats...then weird enough,he changed seats too and sat in front of me...luckily in front of me got people...so still not so bad...then he again siao de...turned back and looked at me again...eeeeeeee...so disgusting...cant stand him...spoil my mood lor...and somemore i had exams to take in the morning lor...'traumatised'......
today i met him again...i can finally confirm that he is a student...he wore a tee that wrote XXX XXXXXX Senior School...dont know what's the full name of the school...didnt see clearly then...forget about it...luckily he never disturb or pester me today...or else.......................i shall let him have a taste of my prowess...im gonna hit him man...let him learnt a lesson...dont mess around with me...i have my rough side too!-091105-1633
i just stumbled upon a blog which says something about life-whether or not it is complicated.
well,to me at least,i feel that life is indeed complicated and this has influenced us human beings to act in the same way.i believe that in all religions we learn about the cycle of life and death.the karma behind this reasoning seems to contradict itself.im always thinking,pondering and asking myself why life is not a bed of roses.life is bestowed to us by god,isnt it?it is a precious thing,a gem that ought to be treasured fully by humans.but now the question beckons.how come life is not as beautiful as we thought at first?why is it that it has its own ugly sides too?since the creation of lives is a gift bestowed to us by god,why is it not made perfect?how come life has its flaws and scars that leave it ugly and imperfect?
im asking:why cant people live forever?why must there be a time when all activities stop for all lifeforms?why do we have to part with all our loved ones?why there isnt something called eternity?why must there be sickness,deaths and sufferings in this world?if all this ugly sides of life hadnt revealed itself,will life be a beauty?wont everyone be living the same lives together and remain inseparable to each other?its only a question of life and death-the natural cycle in lfve which every lifeforms have to undergo.its a matter of fact that time is the only variable as to when death occurs.when will the time to leave the world comes?and when is the time that you will proudly proclaim that you have treasured all your loved ones,every loving moments in your entire lifespan?so now,the top priority in one's life,i hope,should not be just career.it could be and should be to enjoy the companionship of your dearest ones.this is then the true enjoyment of life.everything is so unpredictable in life and i think it is only better to act fast,to cherish the ones beside us and leave the world with no regrets whatsoever.
talking about human brains,i seriously dont know how it really functions sometimes.it is often the doubt and query of a person's personality that leaves others thinking that he/she is complicated.every single person acts and thinks in a way which is different from others.behind a hollow shell,we do not know what messages the brain is trying to convey or how it is really functioning.so since everyone acts and thinks in a different way,should they be called unique or complicated?
i did a personality test before conducted by my cousin's company.he was quite astonished and puzzled with my end results.in that test,we will know about our mirror self,public self and inner self etc.and the most surprising thing was that i have different results and images.weird.its not as if i have split personality or something,but then how come the results vary from each other?my public self reveals that i actually appear to be cold,quiet and arrogant in public occasions while my mirror and inner self reveal that i am chatty,warm and can be quite humorous.what a joke!i guess this does happen to some people as well.often how and what we perceive ourselves is very different from how others perceive us.does that mean that we are pretentious?trying to act in a certain manner in front of public?well,this may sometimes occur naturally and without any reasons.its not like everyone puts on a big fake smile or what.this explains how come people got mislead by their first impression of others.perhaps it requires a communication to get down to someone's true mirror self. -031105-1902
im just happy today...[shhh..im making a silent wish and greeting]...im exhausted...dead beat...feels like my engine does need a rest too...but i cant afford to give myself a free moment right now,or else i will have no limit and slack further...which is SUICIDAL....i must keep on going...i must be disciplined because "Discipline brings future rewards"...[another philosophy in my life]...i must push myself and do myself a favor by not ever stopping....If i cant,then i MUST!!!physically im really tired because i didnt catch a good sleep these few nights...all thanks to that darn lizard!!!!!the tiny lil disgusting tailess creature that screwed everything up...that wont ever give me a peace of mind....always make me on tenterhooks...stupid la...why of all rooms and household it can go,must it enter my room?am i so popular among lizards?please...shun away from me!!!!!shoo!!!!i have to admit that im really scared of lizards...ya...and the worst thing of all is when after my mother had chased it away that night...it was nowhere to be seen...this is no good news man...i saw it creeping behind my hi-fi,then...i dont know where it went...until i dont even dare to sleep in my room anymore...had no choice but to sleep in my brother's room for the time being...since it is empty anyway after he entered NS...heng ar..got spare room for me....BUT actually that night after the lizard's intrusion,i foolishly slept in the living room...lol...because earlier in the day i saw another lizard in my bro's room...i wonder if they are just that same lizard...
haiz...anyway...its awfully and terribly stuffy to sleep in my bro's room...no aircon...haha...but no choice la...until and only ive found that lizard,will i dare to go back to my room...=(
-021105-1433
yesterday as usual,me,cindy and grace went to esplanade again to study...but before we went there,we went to visit the Suntec fountain...obviously we went there to make a wish...there were many tourists since the fountain was one of our country's tourist attraction...nevertheless,we still went to the fountain...we had made a promise before that we must go there no matter what...cindy and grace made 1 wish each...but for me...i made 3 wishes...haha..so i had to walk round the fountain 9 rounds...lol...until my bag and legs were wet..my first wish is to get as many A1s as possible for o's,especially for a maths...i must get at least a B...then my next wish is to hope that i will pass the coach selection test...the last and most important wish in my life is about him...ya...i pray that hopefully miracles can happen to us just like how they happen to others who believe in them...i hope that my prayers can be heard because this time it's for real...my feelings are real...-301005-0100
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heartIt's the end of the world in my mindThen your voice calls me back like a wake up callI've been looking for the answerSomewhereI couldn't see that it was right thereBut now I know what I really know Because you live and breatheBecause you make me believe in myself when nobody else can helpBecause you live, girlMy world has twice as many stars in the skyIt's alright, I survived, I'm alive againCuz of you, made it through every stormWhat is life, whats the use if you're killed insideI'm so glad I found an angelSomeoneWho was there when all my hopes fellI wanna fly, looking in your eyesBecause you live and breatheBecause you make me believe in myself when nobody else can helpBecause you live, girlMy world has twice as many stars in the skyBecause you live, I liveBecause you live there's a reason whyI carry on when I lose the fightI want to give what you've given me alwaysBecause you live and breatheBecause you make me believe in myself when nobody else can helpBecause you live, girlMy world has twice as many stars in the skyBecause you live and breatheBecause you make me believe in myself when nobody else can helpBecause you live, girlMy world has everything I need to surviveBecause you live, I live, I live-191005-0505
yesterday was the first time i cut myself after two years of science practicals.first time lor...cant believe it...its the stupid carrot and the stupid scalpel...the carrot was so long and hard...then must cut longitudinally somemore...plus there wasnt a proper knife to cut lor...the blade was so thin and unstable...lol...thats how i cut myself...besides cutting carrot and onion,i cut myself...lol...so malu man...must ask the teacher for plaster...haha...luckily everyone was so focused in their work that no one bothered to look at me..heng ar...
hmm..tomorrow is science practical le...sianz...wabiang...i scared of the portable bunsen burner lor...can burn my fingers de lor...eeeee...scary...BUT...i must not be afraid..just a bunsen burner only ma...what's there to be scared of?i must rise to the challenge...i CAN do it...[other than myself,i do things all because of you]
-191005-0220
 -151005-2206
hmmm...cindy's recent post brought me back to my fear again...i hate to acknowledge it,but too bad...i have to face it once again...
yupz...after o levels i will be working.im not going to jc for the first 3 months nor the days after.im going to poly..so yay...i can work for the first 3 months...work?my goal is akltg and yes...im going to work there...no one and nothing can change my mind..my mind is set...ya...this shall be the first job in my life...though i rejoice for the fact that im entering the growing phase in my life and exploring the working world,there is this tinge of fear within me...like i said,this will be my first step into this annonymous world...there are yet many things i have to learn and endeavour...the feeling of uncertainty about the dangers trekking in the working world leaves me real scared...but this is life...maybe i do not face this much as i will be working as a part-timer,but this also accounts for the future...i guess im too used to the life at home,of being constantly showered with care and sometimes i even have the luxury of people doing things for me...BUT im neither pampered nor spoilt...its just that i live in a haven where all possible obstacles and problems of the world outside are sheltered...
i have phobias of course...and i definitely have to overcome them as part of my readiness to work...or else they will surely affect me alot...my phobia of crowds will get me nowhere next time...there are crowds everywhere that we must face in the course of our lives...oh my god...i must train myself to have more self-confidence in order to handle my phobia...[phobias are plain psychological fears...its possible to 'eradicate' them]-091005-0429
HATES!
-LIZARDS
-players
-unreasonable toots
-almond
-going for morning class
-being treated as transparent
LOVES <3
-baking
-cosmetics
-boozing (w/o getting a heavy head!)
-people who dote on me
-acts of service
Not looking anymore other than a stupid notti.
hey, if you know me well enough, i bet you'd LOVE ME!
shit.
these few days will not be my days.hasnt been feeling good.dont know what shit ive eaten.and worst of all is the outbreak.it came again.think its gonna stay for 1 week or so.depending on how serious it is this time round.
talking about yesterday...im gonna fail genopt.indeed there isint much calculations but most of them are proving questions.fuck la.each question is 10 marks.crappppp....and during the test my stomach hurts like hell....really not my day.however,human biochem test was really smoothsailing.hope i can get good grades for that because i have confidence in it.today i almost get knocked down by a bicycle...luckily its not a car.i was walking along the pathway,dont know whats on my mind either,until a bicycle charged from the opposite direction.the cyclist had rung the bell but i just didnt hear it.so risky......then the cyclist quickly turned away from me.phew.....imagine this.what if im crossing the road at that time?surely get knocked down.yy words are true.never cross a road with a distracted mind.now then i finally understood.what was i thinking at that moment exactly?????perhaps genopt?perhaps monkie?possible.geez.im at my lowest level now.low self-esteem,low confidence,low energy....my battery is running low than usual.I MUST PERK MYSELF UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!there will be a movie gala thingy for optometry students from this year's batch.my whole class is going.there will also be free dinner.see how it goes tonight.see whether my mood will be better or not.i cannot be dependent on him.i am me.he is he.unless we are one,i cannot depend totally on him.
-310506-0840
today i went to look for daddy at his office.decided to do that when the genopt practical was postponed to week 11,and the lecture only lasted for 1hr.so practically i went to school today just for an hr's lesson.WELL DONE.its still not so bad for me.i sympathise with those who live in the east or west or something and had to travel a long way to school just for 1 hr's lesson.people like sheryl who travels 2hr mrt journey.then she was complaining in the mrt..LOL..i actually thought of going back home,but the thought of having to study for the tests just irked me.i am an avoider.i know that myself.i love to run away from reality and have to deceive and hoax myself that there are no tests so hence,no need to study.what a bad habit!i must change it!!!!!since in the end i chose to look for daddy,i might as well study there.but too bad,i only bring genopt lect 6 notes and tutorial.how to study like that?!LOL...in the end i just study those notes in his office.during daddy's break time,we went to tg pager plaza together to buy some snacks.i bought muffins and cappucino from chocolat 'n spice.........i love their muffins.as for the cappucino,well.....all i can say is that it was just a pathetic small cup of coffee.i bought 4 muffins.2 were eaten today and the rest will be my breakfast tomorrow.HEHEEE...a thought flashed through my mind.i was thinking whether i should drop by keppel tower and go inside the training centre to visit PEOPLE....but dropped the idea anyway because i had a bad experience last time when i wanted to visit them.i was not allowed to..alright.i understand.people have their own plight too.shall not impose too much on other people.oh dear..i miss the training centre.miss the entire joyful atmosphere.the kind of impression which lingers in everyone's memory,including mine.im tired now.finally finished my revision for genopt.hoooooray........chris ng said that tomorrow's test will not have too much calculations..hope he keep his word.haha..hope i can remain calm and both of tomorrow's tests will be smoothsailing and easy for me.hope that i will be fresh tomorrow morning to take genopt test.siao....its 8.30 am man....[to monkie:my motivation comes from you.......do you know that?where does my motivation to take prelims and o's last year come from?where does my perseverance to continue taking a math come from when i keep failing it over and over again?what is my energy booster?who gave me the will to carry on?its no one else,but YOU....never mind.i dont think you know and will be interested to know either.its not your business anyway.its foolish sylvia's.]-300506-0024
oh gosh................im suffocating from all those stress that is comin' my way now..i can feel the intensity of it...ive studied for 6 hrs today..n im not gonna stop there..will study later...whats with those tests n quizzes man?there are 3 tests in total for next week.2 on tuesday n the other on wednesday.what the hell...both human biochem n genopt are on the same day.so stressssss....especially genopt.so many formulas to remember.from the day i study physics,i have never liked this subject before..n stupid genopt is all about physics..OMG...cut me some break man!6 chapters to study for genopt..n each chapter gets harder than the one before..more n more formulas that are tearing my brain apart..especially chapter 6..ive missed his lesson n i was in total blank when chris ng continued teaching.ffl n bfl...OMG....im goin' crazy.human biochem has 4 chapters to study n ive finished studying 3...i will finish the last one tonight.still not so bad...as for anatomy n physiology,i still left chapter 2 to study..finished chapter 1,3 n 4 already...quite happy about it...i havent touch on genopt yet...really no mood..but had to do so..after wednesday i will be freed!after school we are going to watch da vinci code for free and has free dinner too!so happy.last night i attended some distant cousin's wedding dinner at sheraton tower.this was the most rainbow wedding dinner ive ever attended.the moment you step into the ballroom,you will feel as if you've entered a sacred place..somewhat resembles heaven...i drank liquor for the very first time..i asked my daddy for fun wheher i could drink red wine too and to my surprise he agreed without any thinking.i was so shocked man.....the taste was a little spicy n bitter.as the wine travels down my throat,i could feel a burning feeling..quite cool...i guess im addicted to it already..i love it..yy challenged me..saying that the next time i will go chiong..i said no i wont..well who knows right?haha..im tired..energy level is running low.just feel like sleeping n dont ever wake up..forever n ever...........................................................im persevering until the holidays come..but holidays also does not mean time to enjoy for me..gotta 4 projects to complete.really stressful...............i need monkie.i really do.remember last year when i had tests n major exams,i will email him..wanting him to wish me all the best n even if he never say,his email alone is enough to give me the strength to hang on.but he said those encouraging words anyway=)i really need those words from him now..but im scared that i will be disturbing him..since coaching,i saw that he is very busy with his work and how tough training gets for him.so i dont want to disturb him and add on to his burden..with an email less to read,he can save time for many other things...i need him as my energy booster.just a word from him will be more than enough.he used to send me smiles but recently i sent him one n he didnt reply...haiz.................................................................what happen?coaching has started for the public camps...i didnt coach for this holiday...that means i will not be seeing him...WHAT THE HELL?!i miss him soooo much but how can i ever tell him?and what if i told him?he will just be cool about it and left only me feeling sad.does that mean i will never get a chance to tell him how i feel about him?perhaps the day will come when i finally can accept rejection.certainly not now because i dont know how i will react.but i guess just as much that he already knows that i like him.then why is he keeping dumb about it?he can just tell me straight in my face so that i can let go sooner.monkie....................................................................i like you....can you hear my inner screams?-280506-2102
| You Are Sunrise |
You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.
You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.
Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.
All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be. |
| Your Values Profile |
Loyalty:
You don't really value loyalty.
In your opinion, friendship should be earned.
If you don't agree with someone, it doesn't matter how close you are.
You'll let them (and everyone else know) exactly what you think.
Honesty:
You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."
Generosity:
You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!
Humility:
You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person.
But occasionally your ego takes over.
You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.
Tolerance:
You value tolerance a fair amount.
You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.
You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.
And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe. |
| Your Power Color Is Lime Green |
At Your Highest:
You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.
At Your Lowest:
You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.
In Love:
You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.
How You're Attractive:
Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.
Your Eternal Question:
"What else do I need in my life?" |
| Your Eyes Should Be Violet |
Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure
What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion |
| You Are a Dreaming Soul |
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
| You Are 71% Addicted to Love |
Might as well face it, you're very addicted to love.
But you're not really getting the deep love you seek.
Short lived, dramatic relationships are more your style.
Let go of needing someone, and you may find someone you actually want. |
| The Keys to Your Heart |
You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
| Your Heart Is Pink |
In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.
Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.
Your flirting style: Coy
Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park
Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant
What you bring to relationships: Romance |
| You Are Lightning |
Beautiful yet dangerous
People will stop and watch you when you appear
Even though you're capable of random violence
You are best known for: your power
Your dominant state: performing |
talking about 2 days ago..ms oringa cannot make it for crs lesson n she postponed it to friday..while mrs tan cannot push her lesson forward.so we had a 5hr break on thursday..AWESOME!!!!!at first we wanted to pon math lesson but think back,we have a test next week,so its better to atend the lesson..a few of us went to clementi kbox........n it was only then that i realised that kbox has klunch...haha..not bad la..but the lunch is not filling de..we had delifrance tuna puffs..thats all.we had a thrashing fun time there..all of us became so high~shouting n screaming..LOL..especially the guys..OMG...maybe the next time we go to ktv together with them,we can consider bringing headphones....crazy lor..they actually shouted into the mics.....especially lao chen..for no rhyme or reason,he will suddenly get so high~n shouted..poor qinghui.she sat beside him n her eardrums are bursting..LOL..as for andrew..he can sing those high pitch songs...pro-er than the girls..now then i discover haojin has a good singing vocals..her vocal was like those sharp sharp one..not bad..si hui loves SHE so much man....the first 10 songs she chose were SHE songs...until andrew n guys could not tolerate..HAHA..there were a few songs that gotten us real high.........abnormally high..all of us sang "its my life" n "only love" together..in fact its shouting into the mic..LOL..when ruth returned from the ladies,the staff outside complained that our room was too noisy..but we also heck care..kana sai..luckily they never come in and spoil our mood..[i wish to master shan hu hai and sing it with monkie]-270506-0757
i just love miss lek's lecture.she will always end earlier.hees.her lecture today was supposed to end at 3pm but she ended at 2.40pm.all of a sudden i missed suat hoon.havent seen her for quite some time.'n maybe because i miss a particular place in crescent..which is the PAT..yeah indeed it brought back a lot of fond memories whenever i stepped into that room.that was the place when i first met monkie.a bad impression of him at first,but god knows why ive fallen for him in the end.today was cca photo-taking..suat hoon stationed at the foyer to control the crowd.after everything ended,we went to PAT..no one was there.suat hoon played the piano..i took the mic 'n sang..it was awesome ya know?she was playing a chinese oldie,while i could sing jay chou's wu ding at the same time.i was not disturbed intially but i lost my concentration in the end..haha..a junior said i looked like 21 years old...OMG..so does it mean i look old or matured?but i dont mind looking more matured if it means looking more compatible with monkie.i dont want people to think that im his lil sister or what..wishful thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!its impossible anyway to be with him=(oh ya..today i met a lunatic.a crazy man..i alighted at the red hill mrt station and was walking down the stairs.suddenly a man walked beside me and asked me something.he asked me(in chinese):have you scattered a net to catch fish?it was bizarre.why on earth would a stranger ask me such a weird question.i was dumb to answer 'no'.i thought he was doing a survey or what,asking people about fishing experience.after asking,he giggled 'n RAN off..crazy!'n as he ran,he kept looking back at me.WHAT THE FUCK!i was thinking about that question very hard.even as i was walking to crescent,i was thinking all along.i still failed to get an answer.later i asked suat hoon about it.'n she said that the man must have perceived me as a loose woman,who threw myself at others 'n to hook men.in other words,he must have taken me as a hooker.'coz i threw a net to catch fishes(men).FUCK la!!!!!!!!!does i look like one by the way?NO WAY!im not a loose woman.oh well,"live 'n let live"..."be the bigger person 'n let go"~monkie.words 'n wisdom by monkie which i will never forget........anger management.....-230506-1959
hmm..yesterday after a&p practical,we had 2hr+ break..it was supposedly a 2hr break,but our group ended earlier..so yeah..got to leave earlier.all of us went to clementi to eat 'n play..the kopitiam was so hot..the stupid fan was not blowing in my direction..until i was sweating like nobody's business.the "fantastic" thing was that i was wearing a white blouse 'n as i sweat it gets abit transparent..geez.can see through abit.LOL.after eating,we went to the arcade.the boys as usual went to initial d...what's the thrill behind it?i still cant get it.later then i figure out that guys are guys..so typical of them to love car racing 'n such stuff.only lao chen went to play the machine gun game.dont really know whats the name of the machine..later he let me TRY..it will be very fun if the gun is not so heavy.lao chen could carry it with one hand,but i have to use both hands.yet i still find it heavy 'cause my arms were aching after that.LOL..sihui 'n qinghui also played daytona...i used lao chen's card to play too..but i sux at that..keep crashing into other cars and knocking at the sides.-.-'n i won the last position.40th...LOL..thats me.really bad at driving.but i still want to earn a car driving license next year.i MUST get one.wooooHOooo...the real fun then began.ping han booked 2 pool tables..so cool~actually at first when i stepped into the arcade,i told myself that i want to play pool..my hands itch..haha..cant resist the temptation..but when i saw those pro pro guys playing,i changed my mind..HAIZ...what happen to my self-esteem??????since ping han has booked the tables,then i dont want to be a wet blanket.i played 2 games with qing hui..close fight..but i lost anyway..yesterday was not my day..my form was not there..every game left like 1:2 balls only..lao chen was practising pool at another table..the way he shoots was really hilarious..he's not shooting,in fact he's sweeping the ball..haha..but most beginners are also like that.so its not suprising...in the end,i had a game with him..'n i WON!!!!!woooHOOOO...my form finally came back..andrew,eddie 'n ping han said i pro,and ping han asked me whether i play pool everyday..LOL..its just pure luck.so happy anyway..we were late for chris ng's genopt lecture...haha..some took bus,some took train back to school..in the end we were 20 mins late..WELL DONE!...but chris ng never said anything..phew.....when we reached the lecture room,we were sweating like mad...all busy taking out tissue paper to wipe away the sweat..SO BUSY!!LOL...playing pool was so FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-230506-1110
i just reached home.so tired..but it was worthwhile.today i went out with angel and gorgor,because gorgor wanted to hand us the gifts he bought for us from thailand..very nice 'n special indeed.it was a necklace with a "s" pendant while angel has a similar one but with a "a" pendant..thanks gor..we really appreciate the gift alot=)we met at cineleisure to eat first..later we went shopping while waiting for kyrie..haha..kyrie is the new friend ive made..hehe..the harry potter..i bought a monkey bag..so cute!!!!!I GOT A MONKEY BAG!!WOOOHOOO!!later we went to kbox..omg..angel can sing well can...i think she can consider pursue a singing career...halfway through,pearlynn joined us..haha..i met another new person..after singing,actually we were about to part our own ways..gorgor go back to office to take books 'n go to chongzheng primary while me 'n angel continue shopping....'n ta-dang~suddenly angel thought of going to that primary school too..OK...so we took train together with gor..we alighted at tampines mrt station..after that,we sort of lost our way coz we didnt know how to get to that school..we asked around for directions but weird enough,none of the people actually know where's the location of the school..in the end we took a cabbie..saw danny,wayne,yy 'n daniel..so har-pie..mizz them like hell man..especially for angel...danny did the closing ceremony..so sad that monkie left earlier..wrong timing man..no fate..but nevertheless,danny did a wonderful job!i guess he must be very touched when his mother 'n aunts actually came down to see him train..'n his mother was so sporting..haha..me 'n angel sobbed during the last part when the kids hugged their parents..we were so touched that tears just formed naturally in our eyes.there was a particular scene i was most touched by.the mother actually opened her arms,initiating a hug when her daughter walked to her..on our way home,me,gorgor 'n angel shared the same cabbie..we dropped angel first,then me 'n gor went back to office to put back the stuff..saw ramesh 'n a group of people there..the first thing ramesh said was:you look pretty!...haha..it was a tiring day..yawnz..but i enjoyed it totally..i guess next monday to wednesday,me 'n angel will go back to that school again to see another round of training for another batch of class..heard that melvin 'n wayne were training..hope monkie will train too,then i can see him..[thought of the day:why didnt i hug daddy during the closing ceremony?am i too afraid 'n conscious about losing face or pride?though i didnt hug him,i did hold his hands.he too,could see that at that time i was crying real badly.at least in his smile,i could see that he understood what i want to say completely.mutual understanding?maybe.though words didnt come out from my mouth in the end,it came from my heart...wordless yet fully understood. ]-200506-2356
ytd was the official skirt-day for my class.wooooHOoo..all the girls looked so chio lor..hehe.i nv see qing hui 'n sihui wear skirt b4,'n ytd they looked so chio can..some wear mini denim skirts,some wear longer skirts..bt nevertheless still look so pretty.the day b4 i teased the guys to wear skirts oso to match us..i said they can go 'n wear sarongs..haha..not much of a hassle either.just wrap around will do the job..hahahahaha..i know im evil.HEES.tt joshua sng hor..was weird.dont know how to spell my name see classlist la..anyhow spell my name until from sylvia becomes to cilia tan.whatever.until everyone laughed at me.i guess tts revenge for me.for calling andrew pseudostratified ciliated columnar epithelium.haha..now its my turn to be cilia.>.< i was so unlucky can?!my shoe strap almost snapped..bt luckily it manage to stay intact until i got home.i tot of goin to buy a pair of slippers from the mini bazaar in school,but by the time i reached the convention centre,they were alrdy packing up.what the..?!then later i tot of taking a cabbbie home.i was 2nd in the taxi queue.but kana sai.no cabbie.wait for like 30 mins..until i bo bian..walk to the bus stop to take the bus..but i was praying real hard that my shoe strap wont snap yet.'coz i had a bad experience like this b4...i rmb there was once i was shoppin in great world city,then halfway thru,my shoe strap snapped.then its like i was frantically looking for the nearest shoe shop.i was dragging my feet along with the broken-strapped slippers..so ugly 'n embarrassing lor..people were looking at me..hais.-200506-1117
| You Are Balanced - Realist - Empowered | You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally.You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go.Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control.Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow.
You are a realist when it comes to luck.You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...But you do your best to try to make your own luck.
You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order.You realize that working the system does get you further.You know who to defer to and who to control.When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly. |
The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test
| What Your Face Says | At first glance, people see you as confident and determined.
Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic.
With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.
In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.
In stressful situations, you seem sad and helpless. |
What Do People Think Of Your Face?
| Your Brain's Pattern | | Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white. |
What Pattern Is Your Brain?
| Your Inner Blood Type is Type B | You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day.Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable.And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success.You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible.
You are most compatible with: B and AB
Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio and |
When you feel the sunlight fade into the cold night Don't know where to turn Don't know where to turn And all the dreams you are dreaming seem to lose their meaning Let me in your world Baby let me in your world All you need is someone who you can hold Don't be sad, you are not alone I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somewhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for youIn this world of strangers Of cold unfriendly faces Someone you can trust Oh there's someone you can trust I'll be your shelter I'll give you my shoulder Reach out for my love Baby reach out for my love Call out my name and my heart will hear I'll be there There is nothing to fear I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somewhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somewhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somwhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for you I will be here for you -160506-2104
Watch my life,Pass me by,In the rear view mirrorPictures frozen in timeAre becoming clearerI don't wanna waste another dayStuck in the shadow of my mistakesYeah...[Chorus]Cause I want you,And I feel you,Crawling underneath my skinLike a hunger,Like a burning,To find a place I've never beenNow I'm broken,And I'm faded,I'm half the man I thought I would be:But you can have what's left of meI've been dying inside,Little by little,No where to go,But going out of my mindIn endless circles,Running from my self until,You gave me a reason for standing still[Chorus]It's falling faster,Barely breathing,Give me something,To believe inTell me: It's not all in my headTake what's leftOf this manMake me wholeOnce again[Chorus]I've been dying inside you seeI'm going out of my mindOut of my mindI'm just running in circles all the timeWill you take what's leftWill you take what's leftWill you take what's left of me?Running in circles in my mindWill you take what's leftWill you take what's leftWill you take what's left of me?-110506-2057
o well,life goes on.i move on with it.poly has started.orientation week was over.now the real school term begins.i will be busy all over again.is it good or bad?i think both ways account.it is good because i will have loads of homework to do i presume,and these will keep my mind occupied from those past misery.in that case,my blues will be lessened by quite a bit.maybe a little bit or maybe entirely.i dont know.at least i may wake up from my beautiful dream,feeling glad that i didnt fall too badly.im just a little injured,a little hurt,like a child whinning in one small corner.eventually,i will stop.time shall heal my heart.however,even if the wound stops bleeding,scabs form and it leaves an ugly and eternal scar behind.hopefully it does remind me to learn from the past and move on to the future.i will wake up from my dreamland or the so-called lala land.i open my eyes to see the coming of the sun.the sun is beautiful,so is life afterall.its just that at times we didnt stop and appreciate what its all about,thats all.the bad thing is that i will have homework to do..very contradicting..haha.yeah.stress comes..but i must learn to cope and manage with it.
the battle begins!i can do it!i fight for victory!-160406-1734
Used to be so easy to give my heart away. But I found out the hard way, there's a price you have to pay. I found out that love was no friend of mine. I should have known time after time. So long, it was so long ago, but I've still got the blues for you. Used to be so easy to fall in love again. But I found out the hard way, it's a road that leads to pain. I found that love was more than just a game. You're playin' to win, but you lose just the same. So long, it was so long ago, but I've still got the blues for you. So many years since I've seen your face. Here in my heart, there's an empty space where you used to be. So long, it was so long ago, but I've still got the blues for you.Though the days come and go, there is one thing I know. I've still got the blues for you. -090406-0851
its been a long long day for me.and im feeling tired now.time reads 2339 hrs.a few minutes more and the day will pass just like that.i woke up at 6am in the morning and reached school at 7.30am to help mr loh with the funfair.ive never woke up so early before since now its my vacation.going to school with an empty stomach,both cindy and me went to mobil to buy food.but one thing that touched my heart was that mr loh bought breakfast for us.its normal kaya toasts and coffee.however,they tasted wonderful because the kind thought from him was very much appreciated.cindy,suat hoon and me went to the PAT after that and its karaoke time for us.suat hoon sang.i sang.this was the second time i held the mike and sang.what a joy!moving on,the dunking event was rather hilarious and enjoyable to see teachers getting all wet and drenched.however in this event,i saw the spontaenity of them,even to the extent that some teachers didnt mind getting dunked again and again.i guess a dip or two in the water can be a way to relieve stress.suat hoon,cindy,xiling and me went to sit the mini viking.i found that not exhilarating enough though,but its got suat hoon screaming from head to toe already until her entire face was red.suddenly i thought of gorgor when he shouted and shouted during the school programme and got his face red too.lol.then we moved on to take a ride at the foyer carpark.i dont know whats the name of the ride but it was something that made me never wanting to "try" again.the ride was longer than usual for us until suat hoon had to shout STOP.that was horrifying.i earnt the experience of feeling my heart being on the verge of popping out and getting bruises on my shoulder and elbow.ouch.but we all had a great time screaming with all our might.back to dunking,mr loh,mr gary tan and mrs lee were dunked.big fountain-like splashes by mr tan..haha..finally gorgor came 'cause of the promise he made to me.im glad he kept it though he had to go and sell books at bowen sec later in the day.today was the first time i heard him sing.especially the song "wu1 ding3".so nice and how i wish to sing duet with him next time when we go ktv.or maybe "shan1 hu2 hai3" is a good option too 'cause its my favourite.gorgor left at 12 plus.though the time together was short,it was heartwarming for me as his presence and actions proved to me that he kept his promise indeed. [to gorgor:thanks alot.although you said that i made you enter a "zei2 chuan2" and that you shouldnt have promise me anything too early,i know that you are teasing me.thanks=)i love you.]a sec 4 girl asked me how come only gorgor was the only one here today.the only reply i could give her was that the rest were busy.yup.it would be better and more fun if the rest were here.disappointment indeed.cindy,grace and i went to have dinner at the Amara Hotel burger king 'cause of the promotion of bags and accessories downstairs.since this was the first time grace came to tanjong pagar area,we brought her around.grace wanted to see some office buildings,so we brought her to anson road.in front of the CapitalMall we sat and we chit-chatted like usual.it seemed that this time round we talked longer.well, [to grace and cindy:thanks for accompanying me and always be there for me.thanks for lending me your ears.im sure you can sense my mood at that moment right?yup.those stuff had never gotten out of my mind.they stayed and created this grey grey world of mine.anyway,you guys are the ones my soul would most likely turn to in times of confusion and uncertainty because you all gave me trust which i can believe in.i love you both.]last but not least i also wanna give my hearfelt appreciation and thanks to yy.[to yy:scoldings made me numb.people scolded me,told me off right in my face,persuaded me,consoled me etc..but none works.i know that you have the welfare of my heart and you want me to learn to let go.i understand that.i'll wake up soon.thanks for your concern.i love you.][to cindy and grace:i saw no evil..you both understand what i mean?lol.]its yet another night to sleep through and reflect on what i did for the day.i think i saw the different sides of people around me.be it in school or somewhere else.time reads 0034hr.its the beginning of a new day.take a deep breath and i shall start this day afresh.gone were yesterday's and last night's happenings.i wished some happened and some didnt.-080406-2339
Met you by surprise I didn't realize that my life would change forever Saw you standing there didn't know I care there was something special in the air Dreams are my reality the only kind of real fantasy illusions are a common thing I try to live in dreams it seems as if it's meant to be. Dreams are my reality a different kind of reality I dream of loving in the night and loving seems all right although it's only fantasy. If you do exist, honey don't resist show me a new way of loving Tell me that it's true, show me what to do I feel something special about you. Dreams are my reality, the only kind of reality Maybe my foolishness is past and maybe now at last I'll see how the real thing can be Dreams are my reality, a wondrous world where I like to be I dream of holding you all night and holding you seems right perhaps that's my reality. Met you by surprise, didn't realize that my life would change forever Tell me that it's true, feelings that are new I feel something special about you. Dreams are my reality, a wondrous world where I like to be illusions are a common thing I try to live in dreams although it's only fantasy Dreams are my reality, I like to dream of you close to me I dream of loving in the night and loving you seems right perhaps that's my reality-270306-2157
i told suat hoon that many a times people enter and walk out of our lives.to be exact,they are mere passers-by.the problem is that sometimes we dont want certain people to walk out just like that.we wish that we can have the power to stop them and better re-introduce them to our lives.its really hard to forget someone especially when he/she still lingers in our memory now and then.contradicting as it is,some people choose to forget because perhaps of some painful experiences they have gone through.but doesnt that one person mean a lot to us before?i remind myself to forget those past,that everything was over and nothing would come out from this impossible dream.yes i do admit that there were times when memories of him faded a little bit.however,all seems to come back again in no time.ITS IMPOSSIBLE.IMPOSSIBLE.IMPOSSIBLE.STOP DREAMING.WAKE UP.oh god,stop playing this joke on me can?its not fun at all.i need a memory eraser badly.geez.what do i really wish for?i have no idea.why am i moving towards an impossible dream?its purely an illusion.it may be beautiful but none is going to happen.i gotta move on.with my mind sealed with memories of him only?if he's not the one,then why does my heart feel this way? -270306-2345
every time i think of you.i get a shot right through.into a bolt of blue.it's no problem of mine.but it's a problem i find.living the life that i can't leave behind.there's no sense in telling me.the wisdom of a fool won't set you free.but that's the way that it goes.and it's what nobody knows.and every day my confusion grows.
every time i see you falling.i get down on my knees and pray.i'm waiting for the final moment.you say the words that i can't say.i feel fine and i feel good.i feel like i never should.whenever i get this way.i just don't know what to say.why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday.
i'm not sure what this could mean.i don't think you're what you seem.i do admit to myself.that if i hurt someone else.then i'll never see just what we're meant to be.-250306-2300
there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth.there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.it's still a little hard to say what's going on.
there's still a little bit of your ghost your witness.there's still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed.you step a little closer each day.that i can't say what's going on.
stones taught me to fly.love taught me to lie.life,it taught me to die.so it's not hard to fall.when you float like a cannonball.
there's still a little bit of your song in my ear.there's still a little bit of your words i long to hear.you step a little closer to me.so close that i can't see what's going on.
stones taught me to fly.love,it taught me to lie.life taught me to die.so it's not hard to fall.when you float like a cannon..
stones taught me to fly.love taught me to cry.so come on courage.teach me to be shy.'cause it's not hard to fall.and i don't wanna scare her.
it's not hard to fall.and i don't wanna lose.it's not hard to grow.when you know that you just don't know.-250306-0115
oh well,im cooping myself in the room now,facing my computer.the air outside my house is real bad.its all smoky and hazy.god knows why this is so.i guess its probably due to the upgrading works opposite my block.the air stinks.smelly.my computer is playing pastel reflections now.soothing music yea.i just came back from my granny's house upstairs.i hugged her but she seemed uncomfortable with hugging and stuff.so my hug was like a lemontree hug.never mind about that.i saw something "interesting" happened just now.my 2 aunties bathed for my grandpa.no joke man.they wore masks which made them look really like nurses.i cant help my grandpa with the bathing 'cause the toilet was already packed with 3 people and there's no space for another person to squeeze in.so,i just stood aside.this was the first time i saw a naked body.that of my grandpa.at that instant,something crossed my mind.how come my grandpa who is 87 year old behaves like a kid?a kid who loves water and to play with it.worse of all,he is afraid of soap and when my aunts helped to wash his hair,he covered his ears.the scene was like..erm...comical at first.we may laugh but im sure none of us feels good about it.its totally true when people often say that old people turn into kids at a certain age.for example:wanting some things badly NOW.not a second or minute later.its all NOW NOW NOW.well,after bathing,my grandpa gotta wear diapers once again.isnt it weird to see a big man wearing diapers?its like returning to the days when we are still little critters.he doesnt even have a choice to make.he cant choose.its absolutely necessary for him to wear diapers.i passed him his towel but my granny asked me to wash my hands immediately with dettol.alright.all i want to say is sickness is terrible.seeing our loved ones suffer makes the people around feel lousy.life moves on but there isint enough time for my grandpa.time is a limiting factor.another thing which i saw just now made me feel emotional.i saw one photo on my granny's dresser.it was a photo of my grandparents that was taken many years back.a black and white photo which was rather torn at the edges.my granny showed me the photo before and told me great stories about the past.however,i dont think i see her taking out the photo so often last time.now,it is on her dresser.i guess thats her method of keeping memories alive?maybe.house is a building made up of four walls.but home is built of love and memories.-130306-1530
Hero -Mariah careyThere's a hero If you look inside your heart You don't have to be afraid Of what you are There's an answer If you reach into your soul And the sorrow that you know Will melt away And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you It's a long road When you face the world alone No one reaches out a hand For you to hold You can find love If you search within yourself And the emptiness you felt Will disappear And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you Lord knows Dreams are hard to follow But don't let anyone Tear them away Hold on There will be tomorrow In time You'll find the way And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you'll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you -120306-0745
there is no such thing as FOREVER.this is it.this is a fact that all of us have to accept.lets face it then.however,it hurts and pains my heart.since the day mankind is created,why must all human beings be trapped in this viscious cycle between life and death?why must we have to go through this painful process of losing our loved ones,worse of all is to witness them leaving us with our very own eyes?i fear.i fear.i fear for this day to come 'cause im not the least mentally prepared for this torment.however recently,i realise that this day is approaching,and its all happening very fast.as days pass,i am even more afraid.i shiver at this thought of facing death of my loved one.as i do my best to make his remaining days be as memorable as possible,like spending more time with him,he does not even recognise me.this is so sad.he mistook someone else as me.then in his eyes,who is the girl who stands in front of him?who am i to him anymore?a mere stranger?or maybe even better.i dont know.imagine this.this person has been dear to you and been there with you for these 17 years of your life.suddenly now this person does not even recall the least bit about you and asks this:who are you?your heart sinks.true?my heart sinks too.
he only knew that he has a grand-daughter named sze ling,ah ling.he forgot her looks and everything.he always asks:when will sze ling be back for dinner?is she in school?is she at work?did she take care of herself?does she have enough money?if not i can give her some money.(in teochew)
i remember that i used to hate my granddad when i was a child 'cause he had a fiery temper and roared at us with vulgarities.vulgarites,mind you.its harsh.i hated him then for not being a granddad like others who love their grandchildren like mad.i could not feel the tenderness of such love at all.well then..he does nag 'til now.he would always grab my hand and asked me to stand beside him and talk to him .i got frustrated when the talking became asking STUPID questions like have you eaten n stuff like that.i guess that he could feel me wanting to get away from his grab badly.now i want to grab his hand badly,but none of my family members agree to it.they say that its poisonous.if i accidentally touch him,i will have to wash my hand with some antiseptic soap.i REGRET.regret for not cherishing the times when he held my hand,for not feeling the warmth of his palms.its too late now?
his days are numbered.he's only waiting for the day to die.thats scary for me.i worry whether i can see him on his deathbed or whether he will leave all of us silently.just silently.i dont know when this fateful day will come but i pray to see him alive everyday.at least to see him still sitting in the living room every morning,everytime i go and visit him.
he wishes to see everyone now.his daughters and sons and grandchildren and great grandchildren.he loves to see us visit him now unlike in the past.for the past 2 months plus,i was caught up in my work and had no time to visit him.1 month since i started working,the first time i saw him was in SGH.very sad.now i want to spend more time with him.have dinner at home every night.even if im slightly late,i still want to have dinner with my family.whenever i visit my grandma nowadays,i will never fail to give her a hug.a hug which means i love you.i appreciate you.im grateful that you are still there for me.
i wish time could give me a chance to make up for what i fail to appreciate in the past.
ah ma,ah gong.i love u both.please live and not to leave.
-120306-0832
last last moment in taka square.all memories will be kept permanently in my heart.i promise.when i was doing packing,there was a sudden flashback of memories and this saddens me as i was again forced to face the fact that today was the final get-together.i was wondering whether all those lovely memories we shared in the same place will be washed away with time.i defintely hope not.after packing,laogong,me and vivian went to throw stuff away.walking in between them made me feel very fortunate 'cause i had both my laogong and laopo with me.we held hands...fortunate right?i love it.oh ya...i guess im numb to tickling already.now it has no effect whatsoever on me.laogong tickled me today but i didnt feel anything at all.HAHA.ok la...laogong is also not afraid of tickling.that makes us a perfect match?LOL.hmm...i think i will drop by taka more often now.not to shop.not to slack.but to meet up with my frends of course..i can go to lvl3 to find laogong...then maybe isetan scotts to find yuan...and other places..hees.*once my love,forever my love.-270206-1104
today is the end of taka fair.quite an experience i must say working in taka for the past 26 days.its amazing that two people can become close friends though having bad impression of another party initially.this happens to me.in whatever cases,never mind.we are all friends now...i could still vividly recall that everyone was doing their own stuff on the very day.only now and then will we exchange glances to notice what's each other is doing.other than that,all is "busy" doing their own stuff,not even bothering to move around to self-intro and make new friends.im such a person,one who does not take initiative to self-intro UNLESS i have a certain vibe for a particular person.its was pik feng who came and introduced himself to us...then the next thing we knew was that we were already crapping like some close close friends..haha..then i got to know friends from levis,dockers,surfer's paradise,chevignon,john curtis etc..then our firendship improved.i admit that i slacked and "eat snake"(that's what others would say) in their wagon.hiding in wagon allows me to eat my food secretly and use my hp and listening to gor's "Cry on my shoulder" and folding hearts and stars and best of all,self-pic...hehe.. i feel sad that everyone shall part and go our own ways from today onwards.but...i will defintely stay in touch with them.we can always meet up..no matter which phase of life we are in right now..my love<3laogong~:sam/laogong cum laopo:vivian/someone who waits for me(i think..):shawn/blue angel:shi rui/felicia/huiping/miki/peishan/my gor:darren/daxiong:wu quan/KS aka kio sai/alvin/benson/feng~:pik feng/walnut cum coconut:marcus/rachael/my partner:jun yuan/deh kor(underwear):lesnar/jiahao/sharon auntie/joni/jian ming-260206-0847
as im growing up,i feel that i seriously need freedom..and god,please guide me to the freedom which ive been waiting for.over the years ive been OVER-protected and stayed at home most of my lifetime.while other little kids are having a fun time playing,my childhood was a dull one.or should i say that i have no childhood at all?whenever i see little children running,screaming and having a crazy fun time,i will be full of envy for them.i made new friends at work and my social circle has widened quite a bit,at least.however,my lifestyle is still being restricted and controlled by my parents.curfew and stuff like that.i just wonder:does going home late mean that im a bad girl?i understand that all parents in the world are the same.they care and worry for us of course.but when can my parents start believing in me?believe that im still their girl.their child.who will practise discipline.who will be able to tell what is right from wrong.who gives them my word that i will not go astray.i did my best to persuade them,but none works.how come?im vexed up!WHY CANT THEY JUST GIVE ME THEIR T.R.U.S.T?i need to grow up and am doing so.my lifestyle will certainly change in the future and will i be a daddy's girl forever?where's my personal space?i cant forever be a three year old kid,can i?why cant parents change their worry and anxiety to something positive like placing greater faith and trust in their kids?isnt it better?i like it this way.its a win-win situation since both sides has loads of trust towards each other which improves the relationship.*a bird imprisoned in a cold metal cage.-260206-0815
cindy invited me,grace and her bro to her family's bbq.last night we really had lots of fun...the food was simply yum yum...i ate pumpkin for the first time.tasted like sweet potato.my favourite food was the banana coated with chocolate and the marshmallows.so delicious!i bbq my own marshmallows.it melted in my mouth like ice cream...so creamy...after several rounds of food we gotta walk around and move about so that we can digest those food and await other rounds of good food.its like a wedding banquet...the food is never-ending one.so we moved around and took pictures.alot alot.stupid but creative poses.haha...i met ray,anthony and jack for the first time.ray really resembles his sis,grace...same looks...then anthony is another joker man...told us a whole lot of ********* jokes...haha...crappy man...as for jack,hmmm....touched my hair...haha...funny lor...luckily i never tied my hair or else i would have to re-tie again.its time for log cake.yummy.poor ray had to eat two slices of cake.haha...this explains the advantage/disadvantage of being a guy.ya...the last part was the best!that was when we took those act cute pics...the traditional 1-10 poses.yipee~~.jack was bad.he only wanted to cast ray and anthony aside and take the pics of us,girls only.lol.the 'jumping' shot was the most difficult to take.we had to jump so many times in order to get the perfect shot.lol.anyway,thanks to all of you guys for making last night such a precious and wonderful moment to cherish.especially to cindy,thanks for doing your best to make me happy.=) -191205-0155
now i finally have the time to update my blog.yes.lets talk about the Haagen Dazs treat.me and serena went to plaza singapura on 16/12 to watch chicken little...i felt bad that she has to keep pestering me to accompany her to watch that movie.she has to remind me that how cute chicken little is and stuff like that.a good strategy to hint to me that chicken little is a MUST watch movie and no matter how busy i am,we must watch it still.after the movie,we went to the esplanade.although this was not the first time she has gone there,i still want her to understand why the esplanade is my 3rd home.it is more than just plain to the eyes that the esplanade is a relaxing place to chill out.i just have that feel of strong attachment and fondness to that place.we went to haagen dazs.for no rhyme or reason,i gave serena a treat.weird.perhaps im in a good mood.yeah maybe.i ate The Perfect Match and a cheesecake while serena ate Vienna Black Forest and a cheesecake.it was definitely a mouth-watering treat.yum yum.serena ate some of my Perfect Match...now you know...serena is quite a glutton...lol...we shared the "bread" together.it tasted a bit like roti prata though.talking about the drinks...fantastic man...we thought that it was plain water at first,then it turned out to be lemon juice.poor serena took a big gulp of it without knowing it was lemon juice and there she went complaining her about ulcer pain...lol...later we took a stroll along the esplanade,admiring the scenery.DUH.nahz...its just a normal stroll,thats all.i dont wanna talk about my problems anymore.its over.those tears i have shed is an indication of the ending to the past and the start to a new beginning.i gotta move on.though it hurts i still have to do so.i believe it will soon be over.just give me time.-191205-0126
to IAG1 coaches and trainers...HUGGIES <3-071205-2010
im so damn tired...these few days really shop until i almost gonna drop dead...now then i realise that shopping can be so taxing and tiring...its no good to be a shopaholic ya?i finally had a taste of what its like to be shopaholic...its no good...all thanks to the prom night that all of us had to shop so crazily...its freakin' me out...i had bought all my things..dress,boots,handbag,accessories...its all settled...thanks god...and cindy had finally found her clothes...i shant reveal anything...its gonna be a surprise...yeah man...chio bu worz..tomorrow will make a hairdo and go makeup...i wonder what x-factor actually means...but i want a g-factor...hehe...jokin'...
oh ya...by the way...cindy and i made a great discovery today...yipee...we finally found out the location where akltg is at...and yes we went there...just being plain busybodies...haha..and guess what...we saw amin!!!he saw us but didnt recognise us because he didn't knew us at the first place...i really 'pei fu' that security uncle...he knew right away that we were both looking for akltg...stylo man...i wonder how he can guess it correctly...was it that SOS is written all over our faces?or was it because we looked like those kids who attend the SK course?haha...the company was really huge...majestic!lol...when we walked past akltg,we even heard some clapping sound coming out from the inside...there must be a training going on...super kids...-241105-2324
what will one look out for in a spouse?appearance?or maybe something deeper than that?i enjoyed chatting with kok how.i learnt something from him actually though his analogy is always weird but quite true.i asked him whether people go for looks or inner beauty.he said that looks is no doubt an important factor,but it should not be the sole factor in finding a spouse.he compared this to apples.haha...he said that the whole cart of apples may look nice but god knows that they may already be rotten inside.he also added that he would not go for a girl with great looks but poor personality.i agree with what he said.to me,although love starts with physical attraction,it will not last long if this is only the case.its true and normal to admire someone on the outside by the clothes he/she wears,hairstyles etc.a nice appearance will definitely leave a good lasting first impression.however,relationship is built on something more than that.you may not have a good impression of someone but who knows one day you two might end up together?to me,our body is just like a hollow shell.it contains a soul,however,which makes up a complete human being.if the soul is ever to be taken out of it,it will become empty,a lifeless cover which means nothing.so how can looks determine our soul partner or how can it make a relationship lasts?how can physical appearance constitute true love then?true love is the union of two fated souls.both parties can even communicate non-verbally,which is something incredible.this is called telepathy.it occurs naturally without you even knowing that you have this ability of doing so.both parties can feel each other's existence even though they may be separated physically;read each other's thoughts without them saying out;doing the same things unintentionally...these happen because of an annonymous feeling,i think,or else who can explain how these happen?well,this should be the bonding at a spiritual level between two parties in love.
in whatever cases,one cant deny that we dont go for looks but we must not make it the determinant of a relationship.to me,everyone is unique in their own ways and we are like hidden gems in real life.each and everyone goes in search for a gem which may be hidden elsewhere.its like a present,ya?the wrapping paper may either look dull or attractive but this shall not stop us from unwrapping the present right?beneath a plain cover may lie a real gem,a treasure ya?life is full of unexpected surprises and we will never know what we may or may not be granted.it is through this slow process of unwrapping the gift can we be able to unravel the mystery that lies within.that occurs in love.whatever criteria one may have to look for a spouse like looks,he/she must still go through the slow process of getting to know the opposite party's true self.only then can we discover the rare and unique beauty that is wrapped up all these while...i guess this is far more beautiful than the outer looks. -211105-0137
haha...today i went to tbp with my cousin and dad just to see 5566...my first time of doing such things...i admit that i do have craze for idols just like any normal teenage girl.though ive always wanted to do silly things like chasing after the idols,i had not done so.so yes!today is the first time..quite an experience i should say...haha...the feeling of being squeezed and trapped within a pool of thousands of crazy fans...i had to take a lot of effort not to step onto someone's feet and also to avoid being stepped on the feet too...all i could say was that it was a huge crowd which seemed almost redundant for one to even look after her own safety.by the way all the fans are females...girls,women,aunties and even young kids...haha...i didnt know that 5566 can be auntie-killers too...haha...some people were really inconsiderate...in order to get a snapshot of 5566,they would try all means to squeeze their way through even to the extent of pushing others...many a time me and cousin were blocked by the 'big' heads in front...haha...then we saw a bench and yes,we climbed up on it...haha...we took turns to do so...we would use each other as a support...ya..i didnt know that my cousin can be so rough lor..haha...but she told me that that's the way to go man...haha...ya i agree...then when i climbed up onto the bench,my cousin asked me to lend her a support so that she could climbed onto the railing...haha...one leg on the bench and the other on the railing...haha...the auntie in front of us was so poor thing lor...kena stepped on the feet by my cousin...she kept looking back at us but weird thing was that she smiled at me...haha...the 5566 fans were so scary man...could even memorise the lyrics of the songs...wa...they were ardent fans indeed...me and my cousin did not manage to shake hands with 5566 cause we did not purchase the concert ticket and the bookmark so....haiz...but anyway today was a fruitful day for me as i took quite a lot of pics...yipee!!!5566 simply rocks...especially tony...-191105-2317
im really tired...very very tired...i sleep about 2-3 hours everyday lor...tired...its the 4th day le...i feel as if i cant bear with with it le...gonna break down soon i think...today i had a headache...sianz ar...i think i look abit like a panda now...panda eyes...im forcing and trying hard to stay awake...to study...
i truly need a booster now...and right now my booster will be him...i really miss him...i really do...and this adds on to my tiredness...haiz...but i really miss him a lot...wonder how is he...
i must persevere...i dont want to give up...i must faithfully believe in miracles...as long as i believe,will they happen to me(so easily)?i must continue believing in it...if i continue to hang on,will my efforts be paid off in the end?will he know how much i like him??????????????????????????????????????????????????????-101105-0105
to monkie:happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday happy birthday
happy birthday to you-091105-1650
what a day!yesterday when i was on my way to school,on bus 132,i met a 'wolf'.first time in my life lor...wth...its damn unlucky lor!this was what happened:
the queue at 132 was rather short and at that time,the bus interchange was quite quiet.it was 6 plus then(going to be 7)...i always had the habit of sitting at the backseat...and since there were not many people,i sat at the back then...ok...everythng was quite normal...nothing was amiss...then the 'wolf' boarded the bus too...i was not aware of that initially because i was looking out of the window...did not notice him...ok...this guy was no alien to me actually...during normal school days,i would always see him at the bus interchange too...however,this guy was very weird...let me emphasize again...he's weird!he's an indian...very dark...looks like a sri lankan...but hey...im not trying to be a racist here...but he really doesnt look like a local...then he looks like a student...but an over-age one...ya...got moustache ma...so i assume that he is a student...he would wear a white shirt and a blue pants...looks like uniform but not really is...no badge,no logo...NOTHING...wat kind of school is that lor?then he very stylo lor...dont need to bring schoolbag de lor...every morning would see him empty handed de lor..ya...indeed bring himself to school only...CRAP...the worst thing is he smokes...ya...he's the kind of attention seeker who would always loiter at the bus interchange..walk here and there while smoking...to seek people's attention to see how cool he is...wth...disgusting fella...i hate such people...i dont even bother to take another glance of him...ok..that is him...his characteristics that irk me...
back to the topic...ya...he boarded the bus...and of so many empty seats,he chose to sit at the back...same row as me...ok...whatever!sit sit lor...then hor...the backrow is so long...and you know where he sat?he sat at the center...ok fine!then he kept looking at me...his constant staring made me felt queasy and i pretended to look away by looking out at the window again...then this time,he moved closer and closer to me...hey...very obvious lor... my instinct told me that something was not quite right and i felt uneasy then...now i held on tightly to my bottle...preparing to hit him if he dared to do anything to me...i gripped onto it tightly...self defence...if he left me with no choice,i would not procrastinate to bash him up...
because of the growing uneasiness,i decided to get up and shifted to a new seat...ok...now i moved to the middle seats...then weird enough,he changed seats too and sat in front of me...luckily in front of me got people...so still not so bad...then he again siao de...turned back and looked at me again...eeeeeeee...so disgusting...cant stand him...spoil my mood lor...and somemore i had exams to take in the morning lor...'traumatised'......
today i met him again...i can finally confirm that he is a student...he wore a tee that wrote XXX XXXXXX Senior School...dont know what's the full name of the school...didnt see clearly then...forget about it...luckily he never disturb or pester me today...or else.......................i shall let him have a taste of my prowess...im gonna hit him man...let him learnt a lesson...dont mess around with me...i have my rough side too!-091105-1633
i just stumbled upon a blog which says something about life-whether or not it is complicated.
well,to me at least,i feel that life is indeed complicated and this has influenced us human beings to act in the same way.i believe that in all religions we learn about the cycle of life and death.the karma behind this reasoning seems to contradict itself.im always thinking,pondering and asking myself why life is not a bed of roses.life is bestowed to us by god,isnt it?it is a precious thing,a gem that ought to be treasured fully by humans.but now the question beckons.how come life is not as beautiful as we thought at first?why is it that it has its own ugly sides too?since the creation of lives is a gift bestowed to us by god,why is it not made perfect?how come life has its flaws and scars that leave it ugly and imperfect?
im asking:why cant people live forever?why must there be a time when all activities stop for all lifeforms?why do we have to part with all our loved ones?why there isnt something called eternity?why must there be sickness,deaths and sufferings in this world?if all this ugly sides of life hadnt revealed itself,will life be a beauty?wont everyone be living the same lives together and remain inseparable to each other?its only a question of life and death-the natural cycle in lfve which every lifeforms have to undergo.its a matter of fact that time is the only variable as to when death occurs.when will the time to leave the world comes?and when is the time that you will proudly proclaim that you have treasured all your loved ones,every loving moments in your entire lifespan?so now,the top priority in one's life,i hope,should not be just career.it could be and should be to enjoy the companionship of your dearest ones.this is then the true enjoyment of life.everything is so unpredictable in life and i think it is only better to act fast,to cherish the ones beside us and leave the world with no regrets whatsoever.
talking about human brains,i seriously dont know how it really functions sometimes.it is often the doubt and query of a person's personality that leaves others thinking that he/she is complicated.every single person acts and thinks in a way which is different from others.behind a hollow shell,we do not know what messages the brain is trying to convey or how it is really functioning.so since everyone acts and thinks in a different way,should they be called unique or complicated?
i did a personality test before conducted by my cousin's company.he was quite astonished and puzzled with my end results.in that test,we will know about our mirror self,public self and inner self etc.and the most surprising thing was that i have different results and images.weird.its not as if i have split personality or something,but then how come the results vary from each other?my public self reveals that i actually appear to be cold,quiet and arrogant in public occasions while my mirror and inner self reveal that i am chatty,warm and can be quite humorous.what a joke!i guess this does happen to some people as well.often how and what we perceive ourselves is very different from how others perceive us.does that mean that we are pretentious?trying to act in a certain manner in front of public?well,this may sometimes occur naturally and without any reasons.its not like everyone puts on a big fake smile or what.this explains how come people got mislead by their first impression of others.perhaps it requires a communication to get down to someone's true mirror self. -031105-1902
im just happy today...[shhh..im making a silent wish and greeting]...im exhausted...dead beat...feels like my engine does need a rest too...but i cant afford to give myself a free moment right now,or else i will have no limit and slack further...which is SUICIDAL....i must keep on going...i must be disciplined because "Discipline brings future rewards"...[another philosophy in my life]...i must push myself and do myself a favor by not ever stopping....If i cant,then i MUST!!!physically im really tired because i didnt catch a good sleep these few nights...all thanks to that darn lizard!!!!!the tiny lil disgusting tailess creature that screwed everything up...that wont ever give me a peace of mind....always make me on tenterhooks...stupid la...why of all rooms and household it can go,must it enter my room?am i so popular among lizards?please...shun away from me!!!!!shoo!!!!i have to admit that im really scared of lizards...ya...and the worst thing of all is when after my mother had chased it away that night...it was nowhere to be seen...this is no good news man...i saw it creeping behind my hi-fi,then...i dont know where it went...until i dont even dare to sleep in my room anymore...had no choice but to sleep in my brother's room for the time being...since it is empty anyway after he entered NS...heng ar..got spare room for me....BUT actually that night after the lizard's intrusion,i foolishly slept in the living room...lol...because earlier in the day i saw another lizard in my bro's room...i wonder if they are just that same lizard...
haiz...anyway...its awfully and terribly stuffy to sleep in my bro's room...no aircon...haha...but no choice la...until and only ive found that lizard,will i dare to go back to my room...=(
-021105-1433
yesterday as usual,me,cindy and grace went to esplanade again to study...but before we went there,we went to visit the Suntec fountain...obviously we went there to make a wish...there were many tourists since the fountain was one of our country's tourist attraction...nevertheless,we still went to the fountain...we had made a promise before that we must go there no matter what...cindy and grace made 1 wish each...but for me...i made 3 wishes...haha..so i had to walk round the fountain 9 rounds...lol...until my bag and legs were wet..my first wish is to get as many A1s as possible for o's,especially for a maths...i must get at least a B...then my next wish is to hope that i will pass the coach selection test...the last and most important wish in my life is about him...ya...i pray that hopefully miracles can happen to us just like how they happen to others who believe in them...i hope that my prayers can be heard because this time it's for real...my feelings are real...-301005-0100
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heartIt's the end of the world in my mindThen your voice calls me back like a wake up callI've been looking for the answerSomewhereI couldn't see that it was right thereBut now I know what I really know Because you live and breatheBecause you make me believe in myself when nobody else can helpBecause you live, girlMy world has twice as many stars in the skyIt's alright, I survived, I'm alive againCuz of you, made it through every stormWhat is life, whats the use if you're killed insideI'm so glad I found an angelSomeoneWho was there when all my hopes fellI wanna fly, looking in your eyesBecause you live and breatheBecause you make me believe in myself when nobody else can helpBecause you live, girlMy world has twice as many stars in the skyBecause you live, I liveBecause you live there's a reason whyI carry on when I lose the fightI want to give what you've given me alwaysBecause you live and breatheBecause you make me believe in myself when nobody else can helpBecause you live, girlMy world has twice as many stars in the skyBecause you live and breatheBecause you make me believe in myself when nobody else can helpBecause you live, girlMy world has everything I need to surviveBecause you live, I live, I live-191005-0505
yesterday was the first time i cut myself after two years of science practicals.first time lor...cant believe it...its the stupid carrot and the stupid scalpel...the carrot was so long and hard...then must cut longitudinally somemore...plus there wasnt a proper knife to cut lor...the blade was so thin and unstable...lol...thats how i cut myself...besides cutting carrot and onion,i cut myself...lol...so malu man...must ask the teacher for plaster...haha...luckily everyone was so focused in their work that no one bothered to look at me..heng ar...
hmm..tomorrow is science practical le...sianz...wabiang...i scared of the portable bunsen burner lor...can burn my fingers de lor...eeeee...scary...BUT...i must not be afraid..just a bunsen burner only ma...what's there to be scared of?i must rise to the challenge...i CAN do it...[other than myself,i do things all because of you]
-191005-0220
-151005-2206
hmmm...cindy's recent post brought me back to my fear again...i hate to acknowledge it,but too bad...i have to face it once again...
yupz...after o levels i will be working.im not going to jc for the first 3 months nor the days after.im going to poly..so yay...i can work for the first 3 months...work?my goal is akltg and yes...im going to work there...no one and nothing can change my mind..my mind is set...ya...this shall be the first job in my life...though i rejoice for the fact that im entering the growing phase in my life and exploring the working world,there is this tinge of fear within me...like i said,this will be my first step into this annonymous world...there are yet many things i have to learn and endeavour...the feeling of uncertainty about the dangers trekking in the working world leaves me real scared...but this is life...maybe i do not face this much as i will be working as a part-timer,but this also accounts for the future...i guess im too used to the life at home,of being constantly showered with care and sometimes i even have the luxury of people doing things for me...BUT im neither pampered nor spoilt...its just that i live in a haven where all possible obstacles and problems of the world outside are sheltered...
i have phobias of course...and i definitely have to overcome them as part of my readiness to work...or else they will surely affect me alot...my phobia of crowds will get me nowhere next time...there are crowds everywhere that we must face in the course of our lives...oh my god...i must train myself to have more self-confidence in order to handle my phobia...[phobias are plain psychological fears...its possible to 'eradicate' them]-091005-0429
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