the.girl
Im the classic virgoian who believes in perfection. Sometimes people dislike me because they find me acting too cold towards humans. Or maybe they just can't accept my high standards. So, love me or not, u decide.
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 A diet containing curry may help protect the aging brain, according a study of elderly Asians in which increased curry consumption was associated with better cognitive performance on standard tests.
Curcumin, found in the curry spice turmeric, possesses potent antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties.
It's known that long-term users of anti-inflammatory drugs have a reduced risk of developing Alzheimer's disease, although these agents can have harmful effects in the stomach, liver and kidney, limiting their use in the elderly.
Antioxidants, such as vitamin E, have been shown to protect neurons in lab experiments but have had limited success in alleviating cognitive decline in patients with mild-to-moderate dementia.
In their study, Dr. Tze-Pin Ng from National University of Singapore and colleagues compared scores on the Mini-Mental State Exam (MMSE) for three categories of regular curry consumption in 1,010 nondemented Asians who were between 60 and 93 years old in 2003.
Most of the study subjects consumed curry at least occasionally (once every 6 months), 43 percent ate curry at least often or very often (between monthly and daily) while 16 percent said they never or rarely ate curry.
After taking into account factors that could impact test results, they found that people who consumed curry "occasionally" and "often or very often" had significantly better MMSE scores than did those who "never or rarely" consumed curry.
"Even with the low and moderate levels of curry consumption reported by the respondents, better cognitive performance was observed," Ng and colleagues report.
These results, they note, provide "the first epidemiologic evidence supporting a link between curry consumption and cognitive performance that has been suggested by a large volume of earlier experimental evidence."
Curry is used widely by people in India and "interestingly," the prevalence of Alzheimer's disease among India's elderly ranks is fourfold less than that seen in the United States.
"In view of its efficacy and remarkably low toxicity," curry shows promise for the prevention of Alzheimer's disease, the researchers conclude.
SOURCE: American Journal of Epidemiology, November 1, 2006.see..that's the power of curry.-311006-1702
i went to vivo city yesterday with rena..actually i intended to patronise GIANT just to search for the equipment for making agar.the agar is for human consumption(not those for culturing bacteria).if i have the means,i would surely come up with better moulds because those in the supermarket look so common.i was wishing for animal moulds to be available,but well..in the end i still cant find it.so..i bought cookie cutter.i dont know whether they will work but there's no harm attempting right?who knows that somehow cookie cutter can be used in making agar.i bought 2 boxes of it and it cost me $12.20.yes,i could remember this amount because i didnt bring sufficient cash with me then.i just got the feeling that i looked almost like a housewife yesterday,shopping for kitchenware and stuff.haha.anyway this is what i will become in the future...haha. we spent a crazy fun time at TOYS'R'US.rena was the photographer of the day.she took pics of me with monkies!!!!!!!haha.almost everyone went there with a purpose,which is to take pictures.heck with it,we behaved like lil' kids too.oh well,just blame that we didnt have childhood back then when we were younger. we spotted many weird hardos at vivo.HARDO.yes i mean it.hardos in green.though they could shake their butt,they were not as vigorous as hardogay comparitively.so all in all,i rate them as moderate.one of them even posed for us to take a picture.i could have taken a pic with him because i was wearing green too.haha.the yellow taxi drivers were cute too.they even greeted us!haha..and i greeted them back. oh ya..how come i always "dian" rena......whole day long ok? i wore a smile to sleep after THAT.-301006-1152
a perfectionist would want every single thing to be perfect or near to perfection,though knowing this would never happen.so, are my criteria too intimidating?what's so hard with striking a balance here and there?does too high a criteria dig our own grave?am i such a difficult person to please?what am i to you?-281006-1130
 before i even want to comment on this picture,i wanna give my heartfelt thanks to ruth's mom (aunty rebecca). it was really nice and thoughtful of her to get me a sweater from US.this jolly well proves the deep-loving relationship between them.anyway,i really appreciate it.thanks aunty! ok..lets talk about this pic.jeff took it just when we were leaving office.before i posed,he already took a candid shot.and it appears like this!haha=p in the dark,i caught a glimpse of you.-251006-2306
these were the lame things i did in the office during deepavali.haha."welcome to siao club"....well if it keeps me sane,why not?(after being almost killed by microsoft excel-.-)yes,i do need a guru.    we are the sole workers for deepavali.haha.    of course, i did my work as well. -231006-1149
tired..im truly tired.every morning i gotta force myself to open my eyes and get out of bed.hmm..is going to school the sole purpose for waking up every single morning?im tired.there were times when i thought of skipping lessons but come to think of it,i have a motivating force which pushes me actually.perhaps its just one person who i wish to see everyday even if its just a passing glance.it will be sufficient.i like the way when we turn our heads to look at each other at different intervals..haha..abit dramatic yea? ruth saw what happened yesterday.sorry if i acted cool..but i knew what happened too.i have good peripheral vision ok?haha lol. [i regret not making friends with you during ptn.if only i had the courage to go to your group.] hmm..how come we never say hi to each other after smiling? mr kenneth always ask:what is the purpose?yes i agree.what is the purpose?self-questioning is a way to keep myself sane.maybe my purpose is to bring upon self-infliction of pain,foolishly. there is one thing i chose to bury.that's you.always living in my heart.that's a decision i have to live with it.final tears mark the end of everything (or nothing).-201006-2302
hmm..shall dedicate today's entry to kcube.i saw him at fc2 this afternoon.argh..last week didnt see him at all.kinda miss him and today i felt so blessed to see him again.he was playing poker cards with his friends then and i so happened to walk past him.i couldnt really recognise him today as he looked so different in green outfit,instead of his usual white or black kind of appearance.my first impression was like 'hey,this guy looks cute!'..who knows its him.guess he saw me too.hehe.even when im climbing the staircase,i turned back to look at him and saw him looking at me too.ok..i shall turn my head away:))i met a stranger at the bus stop outside dover mrt station.i was sitting all by myself until a guy came to sit with me.he asked me:"are you a local?you look like you're from china."my face changed totally.what a ridiculous question!excuse me..which part of me look like im someone from china?lol....i realise that now the hook-up question is not "hi..can i know you?" or "can i be friends with you?"....its no longer the typical cliche type of question which gives people goosepimples.the fact is that people are more and more creative and its amazing to see how ridiculous the question can get.next,he began to ask me questions like which course im studying,from which sec school,where i live etc etc.argh...its so damn annoying and each question made my blood boil even more.its getting on my nerves when he could actually sense that im very reluctant to provide any answer,yet he continued to ask.in the end i lied that i lived in sterling.hehe.that's my biggest shortcoming-never dare to reject someone in the face.anyway,im not obliged to talk to him.he told he that he lived in bt merah,studied in queensway sec..what the hell..did i seem interested to know?oh c'mon........its none of my business.who cares about where you live.LOL.hah.just hope that i wont bump into him at bt merah.god bless.oh..i saw gerald....took the same bus as him but at different stops.missing ya.-181006-2139
I thought that you'd be loving me. I thought you were the one who'd stay forever. But now forever's come and gone And I'm still here alone. 'cause you were only playing, You were only playing with my heart. I was never waiting, I was never waiting for the tears to start. It was you who put the clouds around me.It was you who made the tears fall down.It was you who broke my heart in pieces.It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.Oh, I never should have trusted you. I thought that I'd be all you need. In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven. And now my heaven's gone away And I'm out in the cold. 'cause you had me believing, You had me believing in a lie. Guess I couldn't see it, I guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye. 'cause you were only playing, You were only playing with my heart. I was never waiting, I was never waiting for the tears to start. It was you who put the clouds around me. It was you. Oh, I never should have trusted you. Oh, I never should have trusted you. Oh, I never should have trusted you. yeah.you.
OH i tied my hair today.first time i tied my hair to school when there are no practicals. CHANGE. i gotta hit the salon someday and demand a new hairdo.hmm..this is my plan for next year,a short term one.yes,i want big waves/curls (whichever way you wanna call it).i intend to don a more matured outlook.one thing for sure,i gonna grow in character too.what i want is a fuller kind of maturity,not just purely in the looks but also the underlying character that accounts more to it. as for the long term plan,i intend to expand my exploration of the working world after i graduate from poly.i want to begin applying what ive learnt to what i will do in the future,earlier than the rest.perhaps i gonna take up a new language too.all along,i have some interest in learning spanish.yea......wish me luck. oh ya..before i forget.i have another short term goal!quit the bad habit of saying 'never mind'.i guess i must calm myself first.if not,in the heat of the moment,i may puke those words at you.i mean it. sh*t.what am i going to say at the dialogue tomorrow?i kind of hate it but love it at the same time because this helps me to get away from gems a little earlier,i hope.heck it.i think i just go with the flow.hope that my 'dao' look wont scare the director away. fluency.-171006-2136
some things somehow gonna change.i can see where the problem lies and i did my best to work out a solution.here comes another problem again.will anyone heed my advice?sometimes i thought that its within my control to change the situation,just then i realise that its actually beyond what i had imagined.had i overestimate or underestimate myself?right from the day when a new semester started,i hadnt been giving myself a pat on the shoulder saying like "hey,well done.you achieved what you wanted.good effort!".i feel that i didnt give my best these few days,be it in school or at work.i still cant figure out why,but it seems that a certain sort of system is lacking somewhere.its still challenging for me to strike a balance between my commitments.perhaps im still in the adaptation period,i suppose.guess what?i made blunders everywhere and this makes me frustrated.how on earth can i be so blur?i guess its true that a certain element is missing and this shall cause a major turning point.oh well,my mind or heart actually kind of gets distracted along the way and wanders far far away from the task i should fulfil. forgive me.i can only say im sorry.i will change.recently,i got an irky feeling.i feel that whatever and whenever i talk,people just dont seem to listen to me.be it important stuff or just a normal friendly chat with others,i cant get their attention.it cant be that i spoke too softly,that only people standing 1cm away can hear me.or is it that i spoke a foreign language which they cant comprehend?i get so damn sick of such a feeling.it sucks!this attributes to the mindset which i have some time back,that im invisible. things just dont go smoothly.rocky paths here and there.what or who exactly holds me back?could it be the haze?possible though. the haze is getting bad. so,take care ya?-171006-0009
wheee~yesterday rena and i were on a shoppin' spree @vivo.it came many suprises along the way.good and bad. GIANT supermarket became very similar to carrefour overnight.it had 3 storeys!!!!i bought a bag and a belt there. we entered Topshop next.an old woman was browsing through the clothes like us and suddenly she said to me(in cantonese):you will look very pretty in this(a piece of clothing which i was holding to).okok..thanks for the compliment~the funniest thing was that i kept bumping onto her wherever i went.for once i thought that she might be screwloose in the head,but come to think it,she looked normal.she even had her family accompanying her.i guess she's just being friendly and warm:)) argh...was quite disappointed with Zara.i saw a black dress in an outlet @great world city some time ago and i thought that i might see that in vivo too.nah~that shop didnt even sell dresses. hmm..we saw many 'traffic light'(s) at the heart of the shopping mall.yep you got it!they were dressed in green,yellow and red and they went around with whistles.so irritating.haha.if there's any shop we dont know how to go,we can ask them for direction.that's so awesomely creative! i would never imagine that promoters in adidas shop would wear roller blades.hmmm...smart.fast and efficient? bought full set of clothes from giordano and a tee from espirit.later we crossed over to harbourfront and i bought a leather necklace(looks a bit like choker) from Helen.somehow,it looks like yang's.hahahahaa....but i didnt buy it for that purpose though:) arghhhhh,i had a bad tummy ache last evening,so i went to sleep as early as at 7+pm until boss's sms woke me up (in fright).shortly after that i went back to lalaland again because the pain was intense.so yea.....gotta visit the doc later. if i hadnt promise rena,i would do what you want me to.-151006-0929
dear mr kenneth tan said we are our greatest enemy. i did presentation today using the visualiser.first time ever and i realised that it functions quite similarly to a scanner. ive found an excuse to redeem myself,if not i shall be guilty forever.the excuse is good not just to me.it redeems a happy ending:).perhaps i felt better this way. i need to have more eye contact with the audience who are sitting like 180 degrees to my vision. EAT EAT EAT.eat to relief stress and blues.just wish that i can be devoid of feelings. call me a veggie then.*-121006-2337
continue searching.it would be nice if there isnt a start to begin with.no sadness.no sorrowbut to my dismay,im nothing more than just a status.when even a non-living has higher importance than me.MOVE ON MOVE ON MOVE ON.dont get stuck,moron!hmm..i begin to think about my lifepath again.what will happen in the future?if i get something i want,then that's good.what if something undesirable complements it along the way?hmm.. -111006-2106
this morning when i was on my way down to school in a cabbie, the taxi uncle shared with me a funny logic.he asked me what course i am taking and i told him im in optometry.ok..then he began to share his logic.it was rather funny but it made some some sense as well.he said eye contact is very important.when we look someone straight into his eyes,we will be able to know whether the guy is truthful or guilty (of course also look out for body language).this i totally agree.there is a saying which goes like "eyes are the windows to our soul".very often or most of the time (unless you are a super liar),we can tell or judge someone from this factor.the eyes tell it all.i wonder..if two eyes have too much contact,will it produce sparks?i mean "fang dian".. sometimes when the pain and hurt is too much to endure,is it true that we'd rather be strangers with that person in order to lessen the sorrow?perhaps being just normal friends adds more intensity to the heartache.that's what i see in true life experiences and these people would surprisingly shun the other party as if seeing a ghost. perhaps my heart is not big enough to accomodate you as friend,purely.perhaps there's only one you who falls onto my fovea (kamen's phrase?).perhaps i prefer to pretend not to know you.since you chose to be passerby to my heart,you can continue to be a passerby in reality,yea? okok..that's enough..that sounds like a typical heartbreaker.LOL..hahahahahahaha before i end,i shall leave a song for ya'll. :) -101006-2046
*yawns*..yeah..you will never see me stop yawning. i went to school at 9am this morning to photocopy CD's notes which i had forgotten to do.im getting more and more absent-minded.argh!its as if my brain cells are gradually dying.after that i went to w125 to borrow the eye model to draw,to complete my practical.as there was ample time before the next lesson starts,i went to get my hair done.my hair reverts back to its original texture and is shorter now.however,i will be taking on a new hairstyle which my hairstylist said that it will look nice on me.there's no harm donning a fresh look anyway.so yup..that will be a story in 2 week's time.the treatment has as if made me a living perfume,dispersing a scent everywhere i go.the aroma is indeed stress-relieving.after the visit to the salon,i felt an instant wake to the previous feeling of tiredness. the dissection on pig's eye was not as scary as what i had made up of it.though i admit that initially my hands were shaky when i first felt the weight of the eyeball,things that happened after that became more relaxing.the landing of the eyeball on my palms was kinda gross.it felt cold and it looked like a longan with it's size feature.the first step was to scrap off those orbital fats surrounding the eyeball,making it 'botak'.the one which chris ng gave me was full of horrible fats.it was so thick!i had problems scraping them off and i reckon that it was either the scissors which was not sharp enough,or the fats were super duper elastic and rubbery.step no.2 was to poke a hole at the equator and use the scissors to cut along the middle portion.this was disgusting as the vitreous oozed out,just as expected.damnit.they resemble the ice-jelly!next,we must extract the lens.this was not easy as the lens lie beneath the vitreous layer.chris ng said that we must use the way in which we squeeze our pimple.LOL.the lens was so small and cute.it looked like one of the marbles i had at home.tiny and clear.then we scraped off the iris.the last part was to extract the cornea.tada~we had phototaking in the end.thats all. i look into your eyes.will you do the same to me?
-091006-2333
it's sheer endurance for these 2 taxing weeks.now it's the weekend again and this is the only time for me to catch enough of precious sleep and to chill.i guess next week's gonna be an exciting one because i will be doing dissection for the very first time in my whole lifetime.in secondary school,at most i would be cutting up some flowers or plants,thats all.next monday's will be a different story as i will be dissecting pig's eye.sounds gross yea?i choose to do the practical though we were given a choice to make.imgaine those vitreous and aqueous humor oozing out.eeew!haha.i think i better dont eat anything before the practical in case i puke.hence,keep my stomach empty! some interesting things happened these 2 days.i saw kcube twice on thursday and i was wondering whether i will see him the next day.guess what?god heard my prayers.so i was saying that sometimes miracles do happen,if we keep believing.i was shy when i saw him on thursday at FC1.i didnt really dare to look back at him.however,yesterday when i saw him twice,he smiled at me TWICE.aww..so sweet..yes i was feeling damn tired in the mornings and throughout the day but his smile was something that gave me the extra energy to move on.hehe.seeing him really perks me up. i had a dream last night (it's more of a nightmare!).it's kinda ridiculous but everything seemed so real.i shall not go any deeper into explaining but because of the dream,i cried.it has got nothing to do with snakes or whatsoever but it involves 2 people.it made me so sad.as compared to the dream i had on thursday night,they are worlds apart.thursday's one was a SWEET dream,so sweet that i dont even want to wake up from it. oh ya,i cant imagine there's still someone who would act so childishly as to leaving lame comments on other people's blog.i guess these people either dont have a life,got nothing better to do or they just wish to feel good in escaping from their inferiority complex.so,the reaction we give should not be anger and brood over what they said.what we should do is to give a good laugh at it.these people are not worth our energy to be angry at.i recall that i had such experience before,somewhere last year when someone left a comment in my friendster blog.i reckon that i must have offended that girl and she must be someone i know.at that moment,i was both confused and angry.the anger was already reaching to my boiling point.however,someone taught me to forgive and forget and let things go because sometimes people are angrier at themselves than at others.be the bigger person and let go.his words instantly melted my anger away and this was one important lesson i had.from then onwards,i could hardly bother with such people.YAY it's amazing how you've influenced me.-071006-1236
i thought ive gotten myself something which i pinned for all these while,but who knows that a joke will always be played on me,unfortunately.there is this kind of sling bag which is popular everywhere among teenagers.it comes in colors like red,purple,green etc.do you get me?ive been wanting to get one for myself and today i finally bought it @ queensway shopping centre. the sight of those staff in the shop is one of the turnoffs.one of them looks horrid.he got a earring which was made of magnifying glass i think,which seems to magnify images.the worst part was that he never fails to stand just a mere inch away from me.this is the thing which i hate about customer service sometimes.though it's always polite to stand up when a customer enters the shop,it's not wise to tag behind them while they are choosing.hence,i wonder whether he is driving me away.the 2nd turnoff is that the thing i want will ether run out of stock or color.the thing that caught my eye was a red leather bag.the color looked so damn hot but it's abit of a problem when it comes to matching it with my outfit.imagine i wear green and carry a red bag,does it mean that xmas is coming?haha.the bag was rather big too.i would prefer if it shrinks abit because i hate to squeeze my way through in the bus every morning with the bag knocking onto other people.another bag which caught my eye some sort of carried a bohemian theme.the design looked like batik material but i cant confirm.however,the color was rather old and dull.ok lets forget about it.in the end,i still bought the sling bag.no sports bag,no leather bag.wth. the sling bag looked absolutely fine to me but when i went home,i realised that the strap was goddamn long.it was so awful with a tail-like strap dangling down.now im cracking my head as to how to solve this problem.cut it?saw it?haha.none.or should i return to the shop?my schedule is so tight nowadays.how??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????i thought that i can change bag now,but...something has to be done first. okay.im going to SP Musical @NUS this friday.anyone interested to come along?ticket is 8 bucks and there is either 1 out of the the 2 days which we can go.we can choose to go either on friday or staurday.event starts at around 6.30pm-7pm. -031006-2335
When you were here before I couldn't look you in the eye You're just like an angel Your skin makes me cry You float like a feather In a beautiful world And I wish I was special You're so fuckin' special But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't care if it hurts I just want to have control I want a perfect body So I can look good next to you I want you to notice When I'm not around You're so fuckin' special I wish I was special But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. She's running out again, She's running out She's run run run running out... Whatever makes you happy Whatever you want You're so fuckin' specialI wish I was special...But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't belong here.  like this.it's evident.
HATES!
-LIZARDS
-players
-unreasonable toots
-almond
-going for morning class
-being treated as transparent
LOVES <3
-baking
-cosmetics
-boozing (w/o getting a heavy head!)
-people who dote on me
-acts of service
Not looking anymore other than a stupid notti.
hey, if you know me well enough, i bet you'd LOVE ME!
A diet containing curry may help protect the aging brain, according a study of elderly Asians in which increased curry consumption was associated with better cognitive performance on standard tests.
Curcumin, found in the curry spice turmeric, possesses potent antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties.
It's known that long-term users of anti-inflammatory drugs have a reduced risk of developing Alzheimer's disease, although these agents can have harmful effects in the stomach, liver and kidney, limiting their use in the elderly.
Antioxidants, such as vitamin E, have been shown to protect neurons in lab experiments but have had limited success in alleviating cognitive decline in patients with mild-to-moderate dementia.
In their study, Dr. Tze-Pin Ng from National University of Singapore and colleagues compared scores on the Mini-Mental State Exam (MMSE) for three categories of regular curry consumption in 1,010 nondemented Asians who were between 60 and 93 years old in 2003.
Most of the study subjects consumed curry at least occasionally (once every 6 months), 43 percent ate curry at least often or very often (between monthly and daily) while 16 percent said they never or rarely ate curry.
After taking into account factors that could impact test results, they found that people who consumed curry "occasionally" and "often or very often" had significantly better MMSE scores than did those who "never or rarely" consumed curry.
"Even with the low and moderate levels of curry consumption reported by the respondents, better cognitive performance was observed," Ng and colleagues report.
These results, they note, provide "the first epidemiologic evidence supporting a link between curry consumption and cognitive performance that has been suggested by a large volume of earlier experimental evidence."
Curry is used widely by people in India and "interestingly," the prevalence of Alzheimer's disease among India's elderly ranks is fourfold less than that seen in the United States.
"In view of its efficacy and remarkably low toxicity," curry shows promise for the prevention of Alzheimer's disease, the researchers conclude.
SOURCE: American Journal of Epidemiology, November 1, 2006.see..that's the power of curry.-311006-1702
i went to vivo city yesterday with rena..actually i intended to patronise GIANT just to search for the equipment for making agar.the agar is for human consumption(not those for culturing bacteria).if i have the means,i would surely come up with better moulds because those in the supermarket look so common.i was wishing for animal moulds to be available,but well..in the end i still cant find it.so..i bought cookie cutter.i dont know whether they will work but there's no harm attempting right?who knows that somehow cookie cutter can be used in making agar.i bought 2 boxes of it and it cost me $12.20.yes,i could remember this amount because i didnt bring sufficient cash with me then.i just got the feeling that i looked almost like a housewife yesterday,shopping for kitchenware and stuff.haha.anyway this is what i will become in the future...haha. we spent a crazy fun time at TOYS'R'US.rena was the photographer of the day.she took pics of me with monkies!!!!!!!haha.almost everyone went there with a purpose,which is to take pictures.heck with it,we behaved like lil' kids too.oh well,just blame that we didnt have childhood back then when we were younger. we spotted many weird hardos at vivo.HARDO.yes i mean it.hardos in green.though they could shake their butt,they were not as vigorous as hardogay comparitively.so all in all,i rate them as moderate.one of them even posed for us to take a picture.i could have taken a pic with him because i was wearing green too.haha.the yellow taxi drivers were cute too.they even greeted us!haha..and i greeted them back. oh ya..how come i always "dian" rena......whole day long ok? i wore a smile to sleep after THAT.-301006-1152
a perfectionist would want every single thing to be perfect or near to perfection,though knowing this would never happen.so, are my criteria too intimidating?what's so hard with striking a balance here and there?does too high a criteria dig our own grave?am i such a difficult person to please?what am i to you?-281006-1130
before i even want to comment on this picture,i wanna give my heartfelt thanks to ruth's mom (aunty rebecca). it was really nice and thoughtful of her to get me a sweater from US.this jolly well proves the deep-loving relationship between them.anyway,i really appreciate it.thanks aunty! ok..lets talk about this pic.jeff took it just when we were leaving office.before i posed,he already took a candid shot.and it appears like this!haha=p in the dark,i caught a glimpse of you.-251006-2306
these were the lame things i did in the office during deepavali.haha."welcome to siao club"....well if it keeps me sane,why not?(after being almost killed by microsoft excel-.-)yes,i do need a guru. we are the sole workers for deepavali.haha. of course, i did my work as well. -231006-1149
tired..im truly tired.every morning i gotta force myself to open my eyes and get out of bed.hmm..is going to school the sole purpose for waking up every single morning?im tired.there were times when i thought of skipping lessons but come to think of it,i have a motivating force which pushes me actually.perhaps its just one person who i wish to see everyday even if its just a passing glance.it will be sufficient.i like the way when we turn our heads to look at each other at different intervals..haha..abit dramatic yea? ruth saw what happened yesterday.sorry if i acted cool..but i knew what happened too.i have good peripheral vision ok?haha lol. [i regret not making friends with you during ptn.if only i had the courage to go to your group.] hmm..how come we never say hi to each other after smiling? mr kenneth always ask:what is the purpose?yes i agree.what is the purpose?self-questioning is a way to keep myself sane.maybe my purpose is to bring upon self-infliction of pain,foolishly. there is one thing i chose to bury.that's you.always living in my heart.that's a decision i have to live with it.final tears mark the end of everything (or nothing).-201006-2302
hmm..shall dedicate today's entry to kcube.i saw him at fc2 this afternoon.argh..last week didnt see him at all.kinda miss him and today i felt so blessed to see him again.he was playing poker cards with his friends then and i so happened to walk past him.i couldnt really recognise him today as he looked so different in green outfit,instead of his usual white or black kind of appearance.my first impression was like 'hey,this guy looks cute!'..who knows its him.guess he saw me too.hehe.even when im climbing the staircase,i turned back to look at him and saw him looking at me too.ok..i shall turn my head away:))i met a stranger at the bus stop outside dover mrt station.i was sitting all by myself until a guy came to sit with me.he asked me:"are you a local?you look like you're from china."my face changed totally.what a ridiculous question!excuse me..which part of me look like im someone from china?lol....i realise that now the hook-up question is not "hi..can i know you?" or "can i be friends with you?"....its no longer the typical cliche type of question which gives people goosepimples.the fact is that people are more and more creative and its amazing to see how ridiculous the question can get.next,he began to ask me questions like which course im studying,from which sec school,where i live etc etc.argh...its so damn annoying and each question made my blood boil even more.its getting on my nerves when he could actually sense that im very reluctant to provide any answer,yet he continued to ask.in the end i lied that i lived in sterling.hehe.that's my biggest shortcoming-never dare to reject someone in the face.anyway,im not obliged to talk to him.he told he that he lived in bt merah,studied in queensway sec..what the hell..did i seem interested to know?oh c'mon........its none of my business.who cares about where you live.LOL.hah.just hope that i wont bump into him at bt merah.god bless.oh..i saw gerald....took the same bus as him but at different stops.missing ya.-181006-2139
I thought that you'd be loving me. I thought you were the one who'd stay forever. But now forever's come and gone And I'm still here alone. 'cause you were only playing, You were only playing with my heart. I was never waiting, I was never waiting for the tears to start. It was you who put the clouds around me.It was you who made the tears fall down.It was you who broke my heart in pieces.It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.Oh, I never should have trusted you. I thought that I'd be all you need. In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven. And now my heaven's gone away And I'm out in the cold. 'cause you had me believing, You had me believing in a lie. Guess I couldn't see it, I guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye. 'cause you were only playing, You were only playing with my heart. I was never waiting, I was never waiting for the tears to start. It was you who put the clouds around me. It was you. Oh, I never should have trusted you. Oh, I never should have trusted you. Oh, I never should have trusted you. yeah.you.
OH i tied my hair today.first time i tied my hair to school when there are no practicals. CHANGE. i gotta hit the salon someday and demand a new hairdo.hmm..this is my plan for next year,a short term one.yes,i want big waves/curls (whichever way you wanna call it).i intend to don a more matured outlook.one thing for sure,i gonna grow in character too.what i want is a fuller kind of maturity,not just purely in the looks but also the underlying character that accounts more to it. as for the long term plan,i intend to expand my exploration of the working world after i graduate from poly.i want to begin applying what ive learnt to what i will do in the future,earlier than the rest.perhaps i gonna take up a new language too.all along,i have some interest in learning spanish.yea......wish me luck. oh ya..before i forget.i have another short term goal!quit the bad habit of saying 'never mind'.i guess i must calm myself first.if not,in the heat of the moment,i may puke those words at you.i mean it. sh*t.what am i going to say at the dialogue tomorrow?i kind of hate it but love it at the same time because this helps me to get away from gems a little earlier,i hope.heck it.i think i just go with the flow.hope that my 'dao' look wont scare the director away. fluency.-171006-2136
some things somehow gonna change.i can see where the problem lies and i did my best to work out a solution.here comes another problem again.will anyone heed my advice?sometimes i thought that its within my control to change the situation,just then i realise that its actually beyond what i had imagined.had i overestimate or underestimate myself?right from the day when a new semester started,i hadnt been giving myself a pat on the shoulder saying like "hey,well done.you achieved what you wanted.good effort!".i feel that i didnt give my best these few days,be it in school or at work.i still cant figure out why,but it seems that a certain sort of system is lacking somewhere.its still challenging for me to strike a balance between my commitments.perhaps im still in the adaptation period,i suppose.guess what?i made blunders everywhere and this makes me frustrated.how on earth can i be so blur?i guess its true that a certain element is missing and this shall cause a major turning point.oh well,my mind or heart actually kind of gets distracted along the way and wanders far far away from the task i should fulfil. forgive me.i can only say im sorry.i will change.recently,i got an irky feeling.i feel that whatever and whenever i talk,people just dont seem to listen to me.be it important stuff or just a normal friendly chat with others,i cant get their attention.it cant be that i spoke too softly,that only people standing 1cm away can hear me.or is it that i spoke a foreign language which they cant comprehend?i get so damn sick of such a feeling.it sucks!this attributes to the mindset which i have some time back,that im invisible. things just dont go smoothly.rocky paths here and there.what or who exactly holds me back?could it be the haze?possible though. the haze is getting bad. so,take care ya?-171006-0009
wheee~yesterday rena and i were on a shoppin' spree @vivo.it came many suprises along the way.good and bad. GIANT supermarket became very similar to carrefour overnight.it had 3 storeys!!!!i bought a bag and a belt there. we entered Topshop next.an old woman was browsing through the clothes like us and suddenly she said to me(in cantonese):you will look very pretty in this(a piece of clothing which i was holding to).okok..thanks for the compliment~the funniest thing was that i kept bumping onto her wherever i went.for once i thought that she might be screwloose in the head,but come to think it,she looked normal.she even had her family accompanying her.i guess she's just being friendly and warm:)) argh...was quite disappointed with Zara.i saw a black dress in an outlet @great world city some time ago and i thought that i might see that in vivo too.nah~that shop didnt even sell dresses. hmm..we saw many 'traffic light'(s) at the heart of the shopping mall.yep you got it!they were dressed in green,yellow and red and they went around with whistles.so irritating.haha.if there's any shop we dont know how to go,we can ask them for direction.that's so awesomely creative! i would never imagine that promoters in adidas shop would wear roller blades.hmmm...smart.fast and efficient? bought full set of clothes from giordano and a tee from espirit.later we crossed over to harbourfront and i bought a leather necklace(looks a bit like choker) from Helen.somehow,it looks like yang's.hahahahaa....but i didnt buy it for that purpose though:) arghhhhh,i had a bad tummy ache last evening,so i went to sleep as early as at 7+pm until boss's sms woke me up (in fright).shortly after that i went back to lalaland again because the pain was intense.so yea.....gotta visit the doc later. if i hadnt promise rena,i would do what you want me to.-151006-0929
dear mr kenneth tan said we are our greatest enemy. i did presentation today using the visualiser.first time ever and i realised that it functions quite similarly to a scanner. ive found an excuse to redeem myself,if not i shall be guilty forever.the excuse is good not just to me.it redeems a happy ending:).perhaps i felt better this way. i need to have more eye contact with the audience who are sitting like 180 degrees to my vision. EAT EAT EAT.eat to relief stress and blues.just wish that i can be devoid of feelings. call me a veggie then.*-121006-2337
continue searching.it would be nice if there isnt a start to begin with.no sadness.no sorrowbut to my dismay,im nothing more than just a status.when even a non-living has higher importance than me.MOVE ON MOVE ON MOVE ON.dont get stuck,moron!hmm..i begin to think about my lifepath again.what will happen in the future?if i get something i want,then that's good.what if something undesirable complements it along the way?hmm.. -111006-2106
this morning when i was on my way down to school in a cabbie, the taxi uncle shared with me a funny logic.he asked me what course i am taking and i told him im in optometry.ok..then he began to share his logic.it was rather funny but it made some some sense as well.he said eye contact is very important.when we look someone straight into his eyes,we will be able to know whether the guy is truthful or guilty (of course also look out for body language).this i totally agree.there is a saying which goes like "eyes are the windows to our soul".very often or most of the time (unless you are a super liar),we can tell or judge someone from this factor.the eyes tell it all.i wonder..if two eyes have too much contact,will it produce sparks?i mean "fang dian".. sometimes when the pain and hurt is too much to endure,is it true that we'd rather be strangers with that person in order to lessen the sorrow?perhaps being just normal friends adds more intensity to the heartache.that's what i see in true life experiences and these people would surprisingly shun the other party as if seeing a ghost. perhaps my heart is not big enough to accomodate you as friend,purely.perhaps there's only one you who falls onto my fovea (kamen's phrase?).perhaps i prefer to pretend not to know you.since you chose to be passerby to my heart,you can continue to be a passerby in reality,yea? okok..that's enough..that sounds like a typical heartbreaker.LOL..hahahahahahaha before i end,i shall leave a song for ya'll. :) -101006-2046
*yawns*..yeah..you will never see me stop yawning. i went to school at 9am this morning to photocopy CD's notes which i had forgotten to do.im getting more and more absent-minded.argh!its as if my brain cells are gradually dying.after that i went to w125 to borrow the eye model to draw,to complete my practical.as there was ample time before the next lesson starts,i went to get my hair done.my hair reverts back to its original texture and is shorter now.however,i will be taking on a new hairstyle which my hairstylist said that it will look nice on me.there's no harm donning a fresh look anyway.so yup..that will be a story in 2 week's time.the treatment has as if made me a living perfume,dispersing a scent everywhere i go.the aroma is indeed stress-relieving.after the visit to the salon,i felt an instant wake to the previous feeling of tiredness. the dissection on pig's eye was not as scary as what i had made up of it.though i admit that initially my hands were shaky when i first felt the weight of the eyeball,things that happened after that became more relaxing.the landing of the eyeball on my palms was kinda gross.it felt cold and it looked like a longan with it's size feature.the first step was to scrap off those orbital fats surrounding the eyeball,making it 'botak'.the one which chris ng gave me was full of horrible fats.it was so thick!i had problems scraping them off and i reckon that it was either the scissors which was not sharp enough,or the fats were super duper elastic and rubbery.step no.2 was to poke a hole at the equator and use the scissors to cut along the middle portion.this was disgusting as the vitreous oozed out,just as expected.damnit.they resemble the ice-jelly!next,we must extract the lens.this was not easy as the lens lie beneath the vitreous layer.chris ng said that we must use the way in which we squeeze our pimple.LOL.the lens was so small and cute.it looked like one of the marbles i had at home.tiny and clear.then we scraped off the iris.the last part was to extract the cornea.tada~we had phototaking in the end.thats all. i look into your eyes.will you do the same to me?
-091006-2333
it's sheer endurance for these 2 taxing weeks.now it's the weekend again and this is the only time for me to catch enough of precious sleep and to chill.i guess next week's gonna be an exciting one because i will be doing dissection for the very first time in my whole lifetime.in secondary school,at most i would be cutting up some flowers or plants,thats all.next monday's will be a different story as i will be dissecting pig's eye.sounds gross yea?i choose to do the practical though we were given a choice to make.imgaine those vitreous and aqueous humor oozing out.eeew!haha.i think i better dont eat anything before the practical in case i puke.hence,keep my stomach empty! some interesting things happened these 2 days.i saw kcube twice on thursday and i was wondering whether i will see him the next day.guess what?god heard my prayers.so i was saying that sometimes miracles do happen,if we keep believing.i was shy when i saw him on thursday at FC1.i didnt really dare to look back at him.however,yesterday when i saw him twice,he smiled at me TWICE.aww..so sweet..yes i was feeling damn tired in the mornings and throughout the day but his smile was something that gave me the extra energy to move on.hehe.seeing him really perks me up. i had a dream last night (it's more of a nightmare!).it's kinda ridiculous but everything seemed so real.i shall not go any deeper into explaining but because of the dream,i cried.it has got nothing to do with snakes or whatsoever but it involves 2 people.it made me so sad.as compared to the dream i had on thursday night,they are worlds apart.thursday's one was a SWEET dream,so sweet that i dont even want to wake up from it. oh ya,i cant imagine there's still someone who would act so childishly as to leaving lame comments on other people's blog.i guess these people either dont have a life,got nothing better to do or they just wish to feel good in escaping from their inferiority complex.so,the reaction we give should not be anger and brood over what they said.what we should do is to give a good laugh at it.these people are not worth our energy to be angry at.i recall that i had such experience before,somewhere last year when someone left a comment in my friendster blog.i reckon that i must have offended that girl and she must be someone i know.at that moment,i was both confused and angry.the anger was already reaching to my boiling point.however,someone taught me to forgive and forget and let things go because sometimes people are angrier at themselves than at others.be the bigger person and let go.his words instantly melted my anger away and this was one important lesson i had.from then onwards,i could hardly bother with such people.YAY it's amazing how you've influenced me.-071006-1236
i thought ive gotten myself something which i pinned for all these while,but who knows that a joke will always be played on me,unfortunately.there is this kind of sling bag which is popular everywhere among teenagers.it comes in colors like red,purple,green etc.do you get me?ive been wanting to get one for myself and today i finally bought it @ queensway shopping centre. the sight of those staff in the shop is one of the turnoffs.one of them looks horrid.he got a earring which was made of magnifying glass i think,which seems to magnify images.the worst part was that he never fails to stand just a mere inch away from me.this is the thing which i hate about customer service sometimes.though it's always polite to stand up when a customer enters the shop,it's not wise to tag behind them while they are choosing.hence,i wonder whether he is driving me away.the 2nd turnoff is that the thing i want will ether run out of stock or color.the thing that caught my eye was a red leather bag.the color looked so damn hot but it's abit of a problem when it comes to matching it with my outfit.imagine i wear green and carry a red bag,does it mean that xmas is coming?haha.the bag was rather big too.i would prefer if it shrinks abit because i hate to squeeze my way through in the bus every morning with the bag knocking onto other people.another bag which caught my eye some sort of carried a bohemian theme.the design looked like batik material but i cant confirm.however,the color was rather old and dull.ok lets forget about it.in the end,i still bought the sling bag.no sports bag,no leather bag.wth. the sling bag looked absolutely fine to me but when i went home,i realised that the strap was goddamn long.it was so awful with a tail-like strap dangling down.now im cracking my head as to how to solve this problem.cut it?saw it?haha.none.or should i return to the shop?my schedule is so tight nowadays.how??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????i thought that i can change bag now,but...something has to be done first. okay.im going to SP Musical @NUS this friday.anyone interested to come along?ticket is 8 bucks and there is either 1 out of the the 2 days which we can go.we can choose to go either on friday or staurday.event starts at around 6.30pm-7pm. -031006-2335
When you were here before I couldn't look you in the eye You're just like an angel Your skin makes me cry You float like a feather In a beautiful world And I wish I was special You're so fuckin' special But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't care if it hurts I just want to have control I want a perfect body So I can look good next to you I want you to notice When I'm not around You're so fuckin' special I wish I was special But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. She's running out again, She's running out She's run run run running out... Whatever makes you happy Whatever you want You're so fuckin' specialI wish I was special...But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't belong here. like this.it's evident.
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