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stories biography escapes archives


the.girl


Im the classic virgoian who believes in perfection. Sometimes people dislike me because they find me acting too cold towards humans. Or maybe they just can't accept my high standards. So, love me or not, u decide.

Screams
Monday, August 16, 2010

what to say now?
im in mixed feelings.
just know that my mood can fall from heaven's high to devil's gate.
i was in the midst of listening to jay's new songs when he suddenly appeared in my screen.
whenever i see his conversation window pops up, god knows how elated i am.
but now, to think of it im filled with fear.
coz it means two things;
either it brings good or bad news.
good news give me hope and delight while bad news bring me to shatters of disappointment.

i dont know.
dont know whether he's online to ask me how am i or to send me news that he might not be staying for a night.
is he hinting something or am i thinking too much?
though it's not been confirmed, i know my heart, i certainly hope he will stay.
i realised im spoilt.
since last year when he was here to celebrate my bday, my appetite of greed grew larger and larger and i hope that he can celebrate my bday every year that comes along.
its a little dream of mine but now i feel i gotta pause awhile to consider carefully if this future is still within my reach.
this is fact, about how our relationship is all about a one and a half day-night.
this, however, doesnt come easy hence i treasure every single moment with him, very very much.

i was at vivo earlier today, standing at the very same spot where i was alone that night.
that night, when everyone was about to leave the mall and yet i was walking in an opposite direction.
im so scared..........that this kind of incident is going to happen again.
the feeling of lost and disappointment.....who can see me bleeding tears?
i stopped typing when he said that he's not sure about staying over.
i dont know what to type.
can i say no? i know i cant.
he cant say no too.
and by the time i found something to say, he gotta go.

you know, there's always a reason for why i suddenly start on a mega spree.
mega spree is when i have the urge to buy many many stuff.
this doesnt happen often, and it is only when he's coming.
dont know why, i just wanna be at my best when i see him.
thinking about what to wear, how to draw my eyes properly, what activities to do, where to shop, where to eat, where to suggest him to stay etc................
now im almost done with the stuff on my list, yet i have uncertainty as his reply.

im a good girl......and god is always kind to answer my prayer.
i pray that he will be safe in this taipei trip and work will be smooth-sailing.
at least he's safe in taipei now.
god, can i add on one more thing?
i pray that i can steal one night of his for a time together to celebrate my bday.
please......................?

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