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the.girl
Im the classic virgoian who believes in perfection. Sometimes people dislike me because they find me acting too cold towards humans. Or maybe they just can't accept my high standards. So, love me or not, u decide.
Screams
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Friday, September 24, 2010
if you see or think that sylvia has changed (abit), well, this may be true.it has definitely got nothin' to do with me turning 21, or rather these subtle changes came at this period in time. my daddy had told me before, that a chatty and cranky me is then the real me 'cause that's who i am at home. however, if i suddenly turned quiet, it is either that im unwell or im in a bad mood. for this statement, i gotta admit that family still knows me best.......... i realised that i've become more reserved ever since i returned to work after quitting school. it's not that i dont want to connect to the customers, but somehow, i mean somehow, the connection is lost, the vibe is not there. you know what? even if others do not notice this change in me, i still mind about it. i know im not like this. though i am not known to be the epitome of a good PR person, i still possess a certain level of it. im just frustrated that this 'fire' is not unleashed recently. just like the old couple i met the other day, i used to communicate well with the elderly normally. yea...'used to'... but that day i actually lost my form and stumbled along. this incident bothered me quite alot, to be honest. i felt something when i first served them. i felt that the old man looked stern and unapproachable and perhaps because of this, i sorta held back my words and actions. i seriously do not understand why i care so much about how others appear to me........ i feel bad because instead of marching forward, which is what i ought to do now since i returned to work, im falling back. what a disappointment. something is really wrong with my heart. now that i know where my problem lies, i do not know the cure. i keep on wearing smiles, to appear friendly and approachable. is this going to work? they look fake since no one is convinced. ok i guess i can describe my feelings more appropriately now that i thought of words to describe it. "a sense of failure" 'cause nothing has been going right, not going the way i want it to be and indeed, i feel lousy. above all, you know... i tried out what gary has told me; do self-reflection. it helps! today i am happier :) the thing about me is that i cannot pretend that something did not happen once it did, and shove it to the back of my brain. ok moving on...(im combining 2 posts into 1) i was so happy to receive my bday pressie from mr j!!!!!!!! though it was nothing more than a cup of koi, it placed a high value in my heart. really appreciated it. i was touched by the happy birthday that he said twice. this dude is worth to befriend! :) had i known that he's coming last night, i would have dressed up nicer yesterday. haha. i am not a princess. i do not just love expensive gifts. even the most commonest thing can weigh as much as an exotic stuff to me. i do not go for material wealth. i only go for true sincerity :) -240910-1706 |
