tonight is so cooling...

and here i am, deliberately glue myself to the lappie just to wait for notti.
the time reads 2.48am but he's still nowhere to be seen.
i really miss him alot.
a month apart is like a year's distance.
its not too long ago but why's my heart missing him all the time?
sometimes i do wonder which stage of friendship we are at now.
bossom friends? msn pals? or a somewhat complicated (neither here nor there) one?

if we are just friends, then what about those memories?
were they purposely created or did they evolve from true feelings?

-311009-0258

sibei suay.
my eyes almost swelled up with tears.
tears of anger!

i think i need the peacock feather :(

-311009-0011

sylvia had an embarrassing day today.
though i embarrassed myself infront of the familiar faces of stephanie and elaine, how i wish the ground could just devour me at that instant.
i was speaking to my patient in the refraction room while facing towards the mirror outside.
somehow or rather, i thought i saw the mirror reflection of edison's back view.
just then i dont know what made me so elated and hyper that i asked steph if edison was really here.
-.-
diaoz rite...................................................
steph said no but i didnt believe her coz that person i saw really looked like him leh....
so i went out to the booth outside to double confirm.
oh well..elaine also said that he's never been here today.
then then then.......

since then, i was fooled by her twice when she tried to make fun of me, again lying to me that he's here.

silly me.

-281009-2348

geez.
could someone please smack my head?

i could not believe what i was thinking when i typed the previous post.
i didnt mean to flaunt or be showy in my dressing.
but subconsciously, i did hope for some unexplainable attention.

i better shut my mind for 7 hrs.
good nite.

-281009-0157

i think no one else noticed my dress other than my colleagues.
sigh................
i dont always wear dress k..
not to mention short dress.
...............................

-281009-0005

GOOD MORNING GUYS!
SURPRISED TO SEE ME AT SUCH ODD TIMING?
ITS EARLY MORNING DUDE!

thanks to edison, im out of my bed now.....................................
yawnz..............................................................................................

-231009-0837

its scarily true that he's terrorizing my thoughts.
no one else is small enough to fit in.

-221009-0050

dont be suprised to see 3 new posts on the same day.
im just finding time to blog what i have to say.

on 19/10/09:

i finally saw notti online.
just a day ago i was hoping and praying that he comes online 'cause my mood was damn bad that night and i was wishing that at least i can spill out some of my unhappiness to him.
actually im just looking for someone to talk to.
isnt this ironical?
i have friends online that night but nothing beats talking to him solely.
and i think somehow god heard my prayer.
he came online and we began our conversation as usual.
we chatted but none about my blues was mentioned at all 'cause i thought it doesnt seem nice to affect his mood.
he had the same off day as me which was on 20/10.
i would very much like to accede to his request of entering jb for 1-day trip but i didnt.
i dont dare to enter alone you see..................................................................
gosh! i need a real tight teddy hug.

there's only this much i can do.
so, i regret.
i dont know when's the next time to meet again.........
its hard for me to enter m'sia, even jb
and its also hard for him to find time to enter sg.
god, please help.
im thinking about speed and velocity we studied in maths.
my mind is asking the same question of what's the time for two different vehicles(humans) to meet.

S is traveling at a speed of xkm/s from Sg to Ms while T is traveling at a speed of ykm/s from Ms to Sg. If given that the dist is zkm in total, and S and T started the journey at aa:bb and cc:dd respectively, at what time will both S and T meet?

hmm..im lousy at setting questions,
but does this sound or look familiar to you?

-221009-0003

i dont get it.
why must swee lee call me tonight to remind me that he's entering army tomorrow?
its not that im heartless.
but you know..this kind of things what can i say except "take care" and "all the best"?
i cant possibly be saying stuff like "i miss you", "i'll wait for you"...........................
LOL
what's he thinking?
i dont care if someone rips my heart and force it to speak the truth.
yes i appreciate those herbal drinks he bought for me that night after work.
but i dont like the fact that he helped me cross the road while holding my hand and the kind of tone while speaking to me as if he's my bf.
*shrugs*

-211009-2342

"the worst thing to lose is self-confidence."

can i raise my hands up high to say that i can never agree more than this?
for some reason, which i dont wish to divulge, really makes me green with envy or perhaps a small but disturbing tinge of jealousy?
i used to think that im the best at (something), but now apparently i see/feel that somebody else is better than me.
geez.
how am i going to sleep tonite?
DISTURBING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's why..
im so going to turn to a new direction.

u know what?
virgoians dont like the feeling of losing out a battle.
coz they RULE if they want to.

its not as if i did not ever observe the egoistic side of myself, but whenever the inferiority complex surfaced, i will find myself avoiding the world, the people around me and shutting myself in my own world.
is this a sickness of the mind?

i will always remember The Twits.
it says something like if you think you are ugly, you shall become uglier each day.
however, if you look into the mirror and think that you are pretty, you will be prettier each day.
u see..it is telling us that its all in our mind.

frankly speaking, i dont feel good NOW.

-191009-0128

this is shit!

now that my sore throat is cured, stupid flu has taken its place.
my voice is back to the husky and sexy one again.
oh well.........
i hate the feeling of wanting to sneeze but cant sneeze and the mucus flows like nobody's business.
ARghhhhhhhh............

i MUST recover in a week's time!!!!!!!

-161009-0007

to think that 8 months ago, i was still dwelling on a patch-up if that's possible.
but a simple lunch today gave me an answer.
there's no way a relationship can work out for us anymore.
you can say that i came upon this revelation suddenly as constant silence, which i observe, signifies our difference.
i dont like when we have nothing to talk about.
i dont like a cold conversation.
i dont like to start and end a conversation myself.
i dont like 1 or 2 word reply.
it makes a boring lunch.

hah.
so at least now i know, we can only be friends.
not too bad ya? i manage to open my heart once again:)

today uncle eric asked me what i expect my dream guy to be.
the least i asked for is for him to be creative and to be able to start a hearty conversation with me (which doesnt make me feel that im a chatterbox talking to a stone.)
my dream guy is notti.
this i gotta admit.

elaine observed that whenever she mentions about him, i will be very happy and chirpy.
when she threw the question of whether this is just a mere liking or love at me, i was speechless.
and....i am really clueless.
there is this fair line of difference between like and love which until now, i am still groping for an answer.
how?
even if he is just my 1-day bf, i will be more than willing to accept him.

- 121009-0219

being a human is really interesting.
dont ya think that it's amazing how humans can change the emotion they are feeling like seasonal change?
one moment you are happy because of something
and the next moment your world change all around as if the previous moments of happiness never once existed.
hah. i know.
people call this mood swings and girls are best at it.


thought of getting a cabbie home tonight and hence i was walking towards the taxi stand.
once i saw the taxi queue elongating further, i thought i might as well walk a lil further to catch any cabbie in sight.
the more i walk, the more double yellow lines i see.
bloody hell.
and so i walked more and more and............................until halfway i realised that i had walked this very same path many times before in this 2.5 months and out of which i will never forget one of the sweetest memories.
this memory lane led me to carlton hotel.
:)
notti.
and so, i did not pause but felt even more determined to relive the nostalgia.
i saw CHIJMES, i saw SMU, i saw the road junction, i saw the streetlights, i saw the hotel lobby.
it's an unrevocable fact that these were already deeply etched somewhere in my heart.
i suddenly remembered how notti held my hand and strolled our way in the deep quiet night as if the world is our stage and yes, this is our story, just us, when our 5 senses intertwined in each other's presence.

i couldn't care much if everything isn't serious.
life's short.
even if it is just a love game ultimately, im for it.
i just dont wanna live in regrets.

-091009-0011

HATES!
-LIZARDS
-players
-unreasonable toots
-almond
-going for morning class
-being treated as transparent

LOVES <3
-baking
-cosmetics
-boozing (w/o getting a heavy head!)
-people who dote on me
-acts of service

Not looking anymore other than a stupid notti.

hey, if you know me well enough, i bet you'd LOVE ME!