ahhhh!
it's charging at me again! *frets*

back to school after 1 day MC.
and guess what?
i feel that i almost could not blend into the environment again.
the environment im referring to is friends.

or maybe it has always been this way.
last year semester2..it happened.
to be honest, my so-called better friend is ruth.
but i can click with haojin, lilin and linjian they all too.
it seems that ruth is drifting away from me, towards haojin's clique.
and so left me alone straying about in school.
today..im talking about the entire day.
moved around with haojin they all, ate with them during lunch,
BUT
i don't feel like im part of them.
yes, physically we may seem to be a group,
feelings wise, i felt casted.
there's almost no connection, no attraction that lead me to them.
when they talked about something which was strange to me,
i was curious and hence i probed further, simply because i wanted to feel connected.
but their reply was cold.
ruth was cold to me, but maybe i could understand that as she was sick.
you know?
when i wanted to fit into their conversation, the more i felt that im isolated.
no common grounds or whatsoever.
sometimes i even feel that im thick-skinned.
or "extra".
you'll notice.
including me, there are 5 people.
im the one always walking at the back, in singular fashion.
disappointed.
my image of polytechnic is ruined.
HEY, WHICH AREA HAVE I NOT DONE ENOUGH?

AM I NOT HELPFUL ENOUGH?

AM I NOT FRIENDLY ENOUGH?

DOES FRIENDS COME WITH STATUS???????????????????
and my ex best friend qing hui..
now the kind of look she gives me..
don't know how to describe it.
cold maybe.
VERY distant.

deep within, i feel sad
but believing how the power of state can influence us after watching THE SECRET,
i tried hard to maintain a smile and pretended all's well.
sometimes i wonder,
since humans have selfish interest, then how come some people can sacrifice for their friends?
just like aik leng's clique.
though sheryl was late for class, she waited for aik leng who arrived later than her, then they both went for lesson.
i was late, but ruth chose to go for lesson first.
excuse given was: i book seat for you first.
in times when she wanted to go to SAA, i accompanied her.
OK. i bear with her attitude problem.
she can talk without making sense of it first in her head and sensitive people like me will feel the arrow head.
so nowadays, i'd rather remain quiet in class since i have nothing common to talk about.

nice people always get bullied!
HMPF.
only when im in elken and akltg, i see hearts in the people's eyes.

-260407-1837

HATES!
-LIZARDS
-players
-unreasonable toots
-almond
-going for morning class
-being treated as transparent

LOVES <3
-baking
-cosmetics
-boozing (w/o getting a heavy head!)
-people who dote on me
-acts of service

Not looking anymore other than a stupid notti.

hey, if you know me well enough, i bet you'd LOVE ME!